Society Encouraging Rapists !!!

One day during my engineering days, I tried to discourage my classmate from passing uncharitable comments to a girl who was sitting along with her boyfriend at our college bus-stop. But his answer to me was shocking. He defended himself that he would be guilty if he disturbed them at any private place, but since it was public, he had all rights to say whatever he could as he had a right / freedom of speech !!!! Appalling to the T.

Recent outrage about a 23 year old medico being raped, beaten and assaulted brutally in Delhi is well-known. After raped by 5 bastards, an iron rod was inserted into her rupturing her intestines and other parts. She is struggling for life after multiple surgeries but even if she survives, she can never live a normal or married life, she should be fed through intravenous methods for life. Close on the heels, a 8 year old girl was raped and murdered in Bihar, another 8 year old was raped by minors, earlier this month, a girl was repeatedly raped by father, brother, cousins in Kerala. There are many more cases which don't even come to the media front. Disgusting, blood boiling and rabble rousing to the point beyond belief and control.

And the worst part is that in every rape or sexual assault case, victims are blamed for enticing perverts. The ways of justifying heinous behavior are incredible. Some say girls should avoid wearing jeans, western outfits, others say sarees are too revealing. Skirts, t-shirts, sleeveless tops everything gave reasons to those bastards. Khap panchayats and village elders banned women from using cellphones. Some "wise" men held bollywood movies and also consuming chowmein responsible for rape cases. Worst excuses being voluptuous female mannequins at cloth stores, naked stray cows in the vicinity. I wonder if any man's dick is so sensitive to get insensitive towards women's fundamental respect ?

Even Delhi CM suggested that women should not be adventurous. In the recent much talked about case, there were suggestions that the girl should not have traveled late night, should not have had a boy along with her and crap. Diktats and fatwas were issued to control woman from almost every fundamental right regardless of religion and social strata. Before dealing with criminals, it's more important to take these buggers who advocate and lay code of conduct to women to task. They ask women not to get raped, instead of chastising those who rape. Sick !

Reasons for rape, sexual assault, eve teasing are not just sexual desire or attraction. It's a mental disorder which is triggered by violence, sadism, insensitivity, inferiority complex, animal instinct and mere recklessness that they can get away with anything. And they are expectedly encouraged by inefficient laws, male chauvinism and norms of society.

It's time for quick justice because justice delayed is justice denied. There are hundreds of pending rape cases without any conviction, thousands of unreported cases of rape, assault, eve teasing, mental and physical harassment across all sections of society. In India, every 20 minutes, a girl is assaulted or raped somewhere.

It's time the outrage is channelized and put to work. Everybody in the society MUST understand and realize that women NEED NOT follow any code of conduct to be safe. Dressing, attitude, time of the day, looks of a girl should not provide an excuse to beasts to carry dicks on their sleeves. They MUST understand that manliness and "mardhangi" don't lie in victimizing women but chivalry is something which can make them more macho.

I'm not sure if every convict should be sentenced capital punishment, but perpetrators of the Delhi gangrape case must be hanged in public, and if that's not possible their private parts must be axed in public view. Whatever is done in this case would and should be a catalyst to change the society and all criminals should think of consequences before gazing a woman with perverted looks.

PS: I still don't understand what kind of pleasure does any man get from forcing and raping a woman who cries, fights, struggles and begs for mercy.

Related post: Do women deserve special attention ?

Bucket List - As of Mayan Apocalypse 2012

It's already Dec 19, 2012 and the world is supposed to end in another couple of days as per Mayan calendar; If we keep all logic, reasoning, rationalism beside, it's fun to be prepared for the doomsday and recollect, remember all those unfulfilled wishes without experiencing which, we may pass away.

Here is the list of those unfulfilled wishes, I would've wanted to achieve, experience or see before I die;

My Bucket List:

1. Base jump from the waterfall cliff. I was so excited to see videos of base jump from the cliff of Angel Falls that I always dreamt of doing one, but sadly couldn't even find a right time and opportunity for bungee.
2. Visiting Iguazu Falls on the border of Brazil and Argentina. We almost planned for the trip but had to call off due to other developments.
3. A trip with my parents and entire family. A cruise trip to Bahamas / Alaska or train trip in continental Europe.
4. Participating in an active political campaign on a national level (either in India or Canada). I have nurtured an undying passion for psephology and implementation of marketing in politics.
5. Making a presentation / talk on TED conference. My favorite topic would be international business leadership or strategic management. But first I should work to deserve an invite from TED
6. Presenting a 2 hour guest lecture at IPE (where I've done my MBA). I was in awe of guests speakers who presented their success stories. I dreamt of taking over the podium someday. I just wish I reach the stage wherein I can narrate my story to budding managers.
7. Establishing operational offices of my venture in all continents of the globe (except Antarctica, of course).
8. Owning a reasonably comfortable independent house with front lawn, backyard, all amenities in Hyderabad.
9. Training, nurturing and guiding atleast 5 passionate youngsters into services or knowledge based entrepreneurship. This is my idea of social contribution by creation of wealth, jobs through knowledge as investment.
10. Having my own little angel girl and seeing her play with my bunty boy. 

Gun culture & Gang culture of USA

The shooting incident in Connecticut was spine-chilling and devastating to the core. Innocent kids of ages 5 - 10 who went to school like they do daily had to end their lives just because some insane mofo had access to guns and he could run amok. Just a fleeting thought about victims' parents and families has been heart breaking. Who could've thought that their bundles of joy who go to school return as lifeless corpses for no mistake of theirs. Awful, devastating and disgusting to the core.

Random shootouts like these are not very rare even in the recent past of United States, thanks to the so called gun culture. People who went to places of worship, shopping malls, cinema theaters proved to be vulnerable too and to be brutally honest, a common American resident faces the danger of getting knocked down by any random guy in their own neighborhood or even worse, at their doorstep while American government is busy waging "War on Terror" on foreign lands.

After yesterday's disturbing incident, I browsed through twitter to find some shocking statistics and facts. Every year some 8.5 million guns would be released onto American streets (yes - streets; not any military or law enforcement agencies) and this year, the number rose to 20 fucking million guns. These could be purchased from any retail gun store (can you believe it ?) which are almost as many as gas stations in US. And the worst part, anybody with no criminal record or no proven mental instability can go, pay money and buy any number of guns and start their antics.

Gun culture has been synonymous to American culture for centuries, which in itself it a contradiction considering American inclination towards personal liberty, human rights. But basic human rights which included right to possess guns and firearms has been a perfect recipe for lawlessness which is displaying its fangs.

Unites States is infested with gang culture which is much worse, more dangerous than underbellies of most other countries. The fact that there are some 30,000 organized crime gangs across America with millions of violent members will bolster the seething and restless truth that life in America has always been at the mercy of these millions of gangsters, anti-social elements who have access to those millions of guns available just like other groceries.

Many know New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago for their sprawling infrastructure and magnificent skyscrapers, but underbellies and crime ghettos flourished in these three cities and expanded elsewhere later on. LA is gang capital of America with areas which are even police and administration proof. Gangs like Crips, Bloods literally rule the city. NYC is completely under control of 5 families of Italian mafia, east coast under Irish mobs, southern states are epitomes of crime since forever. And there are Mexican drug cartels to add to woes. Remember, every one of these millions of buggers has gun(s) with them.

Just when we think these mobs and gangs don't meddle in the day to day life of common American, there are racial hate crimes like what happened in Sikh temple in Wisconsin. Racial discrimination which was more on blacks earlier, now is on every non-white person, especially if they are (or look like) Muslims / Arabs / South Asians. A visible minority may feel safe in coastal states but once they venture into central America, mid-west, he/she is more vulnerable to racial hate crimes as there are ubiquitous closet KKK (Ku Kluax Klan or something like that) members who are violent pioneers and advocates of white supremacy. Close on the heels are Aryan brotherhood members.

Urban neighborhoods around NYC, Jersey City and other places are always on the patrol of muggers who don't mind shooting a round or two to rob few bucks. Southern western areas are infested with lawless gun fighters and cowboys who remind you of John Wayne, Clint Eastwood kind of spaghetti western flicks. Again remember, everybody is a possible proud owner of a gun.

As if this is not enough, minorities established their respective gangs to "defend" themselves against atrocities (on paper), but gangs with guns don't stop at defending themselves. Now there are Chinese mobs, Japanese mobs et al. All these mobs, gangs, cartels, mafia are involved in fight for supremacy, turf, power. Everybody is involved in murders, extortion, trafficking, crime.

If none of these seem to be potential dangers, then think about agitated, frustrated youngsters / adolescents, mentally unstable or hyper youth and those who live on glorified gangster based movies which indirectly encourage them to be gangsters themselves to live a king size life. Just think how dangerous the situation would be if those idiots get hold of guns. Just think about that !

American gun culture and gang culture has been, to some extent, glorified by movies, urban legends and even online games like Mafia Wars. Movies woven around guns and gangs always portrayed desperadoes and outlaws as heroic and tough. This could have created wannabes who idolized gangsters, tried to be one while the society provided them ample scope to acquire and brandish guns. The Godfather trilogy needs no introduction but Martin Scorsese has always been a master story teller and glorify-er of gangsters; be it Italian mafia in Goodfellas, old age gangs in The Gangs of New York, Irish Mob in The departed. Quentin Tarantino glorified American street violence like never before. Other hard hitting movies like Training Day, Street Kings, The Untouchables, Scarface etc too presented a larger than life picture of Dons, mobsters and gangsters

With society proliferated by gangsters, glorified by such popular culture, high drop-out rates, lose post-adolescent family ties, scope to get frustrated, dangerously abetted by loose gun laws - American society is on the brink of wide spread terror on streets, unless Obama administration identifies the immediate need to cure, prevent and quarantine all possibilities leading to social anarchy.

So my dear American resident, be wary when you go out !

Why 2012 is special for me !

2012, for me, will be an year to remember, cherish and treasure forever in my life. My personal life, social life, professional life - all went through a 180 degree overhaul and I was too busy experiencing life in it's real terms. The year started with never before anticipation of yet-to-be-born, then the big event - birth of my son, then immersing myself in and being in a trance / ecstasy called fatherhood. No one could ever explain the joy of having a baby and neither can I. It's only to be experienced and felt.

When a little man, who is born with my blood, genes and love looks into my eyes, smiles and stretches his hands asking me to take him in my arms - I feel I have the entire world in my hands. Every moment I spent with my son has been special for me and I just wish he remains in my arms forever..Love has a new definition for me now.

Another important milestone for me and my wife was that we completed our 5 years of journey together. 5 years of marriage, togetherness, sharing, caring and love. I have seen the metamorphosis of the feeling called love and care. Earlier it was sweet nothings, longing to meet, talk, spend time together. But as the marital life progressed, we realized that love is much more than that, it's growing old together, learning from each other, sharing each other's good times, shielding each other from bad times, being an unflinching support to each other, being a shoulder to lean on, taking pride in each other, being happy just because the other person is happy, experiencing minute gestures which needed no words - that's marital life and IT HAS BEEN FAB.

She is one person who has been extremely proud of me and always felt I'm the best in the way I'm. The definition of successful marriage is that both husband and wife should feel they got the best person in the world as their life partner. I believe we both feel so. Touch wood !

Another reason to treasure 2012: Since my wedding in 2007 till 2011, I have spent not more than a couple of months with my parents. But 2012 brought me ample chance to be with my parents for over 6 months and I'm not sure if I spent so much time with them exclusively even before my wedding. 2 months in India, 4 months in Canada  - totally with them around gave a breath of fresh air to my life, they took off so much pressure off me, showered that unconditional love towards us and apple of their eyes, their grandson. 6 months with in-laws has been such a relief as we had time to pick ourselves together to take care of the baby. Feb-Nov has been a life support for us with my parents or in-laws or both strongly holding us together.

India trip this year has been marvelous. Spending 2 months back home is luxury for most and thankfully we could get the most of it. Being with family of-course has been a pampering, spoiling affair, but meeting cousins and loved ones whom we haven't met since a long time or haven't met at all in few instances was memorable. The affection being showered is something which I could not forget or reciprocate enough.

Another big reason why I treasure 2012 is turn of events in my professional life. The day I landed in Canada in 2007, I made a promise to myself that I would make a mark in this new country where nobody knew me. All the life I spent in India, successes and failures were void then as I was going to start a new journey with new society, new set of people, new situations. Nobody in Canada had an inkling of who I was and what I was capable / incapable of.

SCL - these three letters carry utmost significance to my life in general and professional life in particular. That's the company which played a sheet anchor for me to reinvent myself, provided me an opportunity to prove my mettle, create a brand of myself. For the next 5 years I was a part of the enterprise, witnessed ups, downs, experienced the heat and benefits of entrepreneurship. This is a company which made me realize my forte, my dreams. I attribute the respect, image, status, success I experience today to SCL.

SCL for me was not just a profession. I loved my work and it's special because in earlier work-places I worked only because I felt it's my responsibility to deliver just because they were paying me. But with SCL, it's more of an emotional connect and I was motivated enough to put my blood and sweat, if I'm allowed this metaphor. My success was directly proportional to company's success and hence I was obsessive; days or nights didn't matter. Success did !

But every good thing has to come to an end and so did my fruitful association with SCL exactly after 5 years. 5 years is a long enough period in anybody's life and I take the baggage of all good memories with me. Cherish and respect forever !

My first independent entrepreneurship - CurveIT Consulting Inc (Canada) (www.curveitconsulting.com) has taken it's flight.

Golden rule of entrepreneurship: If you are good at something or if you have a dream, do it with passion and do it for yourself because if you do it for yourself, you will put in more than 100% of effort, and if it's your dream, the effort you put in would not look painful. I've believed and implemented this rule to the T.

Management consulting, public relations, advertising, branding - these are my favorite areas and pet ideas since MBA days; business analysis, program management are my areas of expertise; communication, mentoring, writing are my hobbies and forte that I've realized lately. I've mixed my interests, expertise, forte supported by my knowledge, education, soft skills, confidence, conviction, raw courage to see my dream taking shape.

Money is the last thing I started this venture for. The feeling that I'm doing what I like and I've turned my interest into business gives me that adrenalin rush. I could not have afforded to repent at later point of time that I spent a lifetime working in afield I don't like just to make few bucks.

Summing up - 2012 - has been a fabulous year with birth of my son, my entrepreneurial venture; gave me more family time, showered me more love, affection. I could not ask for more. Only aspects I missed were my social life, blogging, social media life and traveling. Now stepping into 2013 in anticipation of more love, more success, more happiness, more fun, more travels, stronger relationships and everything superlatively positive. Wish you all the same too. Love !

Daddy's Diaries - 2

Ever since my son entered our lives exactly 4 months ago, my life ceased to be the same. Now, I wake up in the morning to see his giggles; I defer my plans to see what dress he wears every day after shower, I wait patiently while he's been fed so I could take him in my arms, I aim to return from work early with a hope that he would recognize me and flashes a big smile as he always does; I wait for his playtime to take his videos, capture pictures, play with him with his favorite stuffed toys, look forward to hug him tight when he retires to bed and see his innocence once he slips into slumber. Life has been kind to me !

Before he was born, I used to get mad at all curious "elders" who wondered why weren't we planning for babies. I was clearly not ready as I was scared of losing personal space and "enjoyment". But it took us parents' concern, well-wishers' advices and society's "suspicions" to go for the big change. Looking back, I wonder, what enjoyment was I clinging to when the biggest enjoyment of life is through a little somebody who looks at me, smiles endearingly, holds my finger with his cutesy hands, tries to put it in his mouth :)

I knew a lot of doting mommies and daddies who never got tired of narrating anecdotes of their little ones' acts with unflinching enthusiasm; I thought I would never do that in order to spare my single or uninterested friends; I've been trying to maintain that but its so damn hard. How can anybody contain splurge of emotions, tsunami of happiness without sharing with their loved ones. Damn ! Respect to all those parents and I promise hereafter I would listen to all those stories with matching enthu...take my word !

Whenever I'm low, I just have to hold Bunty's hands and kiss on his cheek, he will scream with joy, always (and so will I); when he cries, I just have to take him into arms and show his favorite "Simba" soft toy, he instantly chuckles (but sometimes cries because simba didn't take him into its arms); he gets ecstatic when anybody hugs him tightly and kisses his cheek; he loves standing on his tiny feet when held and also takes baby steps on his parents and grand parents; he attentively listens to music and believes his mommy or papa were singing the song; makes faces after eating sour baby-food, poses to camera very well, enjoys drives but grunts when the car had to be stopped at traffic lights, enjoys evening strolls so that he could watch trees and squirrels; loves talking, loves company, loves display of affection....I can go on and on..

It's always heard, read that parents' love is supreme over everything else in the world. I'm experiencing that now. We tend to expect, if not demand, our parents, partners, friends, relatives etc to behave or respond to us in a certain way otherwise it affects the equation, which means those relationships are conditional to an extent. The only love which is and can be unconditional is parents' love towards children as parents turn, change, steer their lives and lifestyles so that their children are happy and comfortable. Now when I'm a dad and doing all this, this ain't sacrifice or anything noble, it's just my selfishness to see my son happy because his happiness automatically tunes happiness in me. That's love and that's a miracle. I'm experiencing the MIRACLE.

I beam with pride whenever a fleeting stranger compliments him as a handsome boy, feel so complete when he stops crying when I touch him. His confidence in my touch and care makes me feel like the strongest person on the planet. His mere presence in my life made me more matured, mellowed, responsible, secure and proud. He's 4 months old today.

I love / adore him is an understatement. Words can't always translate emotions. Wish my baby grows fast, interacts more so that his papa can show him his love, as he is left with no more words now. Can't wait, my boy !

Last 6 Months: Bliss with FAMILY

Last six months have made me undergo a complete paradigm shift in more than one ways. End of January saw me experiencing never before anxiety and anticipation because of many reasons. First because we (wifey and I) saw ultrasound pics of our baby, knew the gender, were planning for India visit after more than 3 years.We reached India on Feb 7th for a 2 month break.

India trip was hectic to the core. The first week was spent in recovering from jet-lag, preparations for baby shower ceremony scheduled within a week of arrival. Baby shower ceremony was the first event in our household (in India) after my marriage in 2007 and hence it was (is) extra special. I wanted the event to be memorable and thankfully it remained so for us, thanks to the well planned management by parents and good wishes of loved ones.

Next 45 days was a roller-coaster ride. Though I was prepared to experience culture shock, I was mildly disturbed by deteriorating respect for rules by the general public, increasing insecurity caused due to lot of negative factors. Things were not that bad some 5 years ago. But may be I should not comment when I can't do much about it. Also NRI's visiting India should come to terms that people out there are busy and those who were extremely lovable earlier could turn indifferent due to changes in lifestyles, priorities, complexes...That's life. We have to move on :)

But all these lows are more than compensated by family's love and their constant effort to keep me happy throughout. They are family after all, enough said :) they spoiled me badly with all they could pamper. And there were few friends, relatives who felt really happy to spend some quality time with me. Parties, functions, get togethers were much treasured. I cherish the India visit for one more reason - meeting few loved ones whom I only spoke with on web or voice earlier. Transforming virtual relationship into real one only added to more happiness, bonding which only grew thereafter. Two months passed leaving me asking for more. As said, no vacation is too long. We started back but the biggest solace was that my parents were accompanying us for Canada :)

We arrived to Canada on April 7th and since then we could hardly think or talk anything else not related to newborn-to-be. Next one month flew like a lightening with rendezvous with sister's family, visit to Pittsburgh, Niagara Falls and anticipation, anxiety about the baby-to-be. May 7, 2012 happened to be the eventful day when my baby entered into my life and my life ceased to be the same. Now I don't even remember how my life was before that little one shifted gears of my life :)

Last 3 months went with so much activity with my parents, in-laws around. Saharsh (Bunty - as we call our baby fondly) has been very lucky to have so much undivided attention, love, care from grand parents, parents, aunts who love him more than themselves. Every day we all woke up to see him smile, returned home with a hope to take him in our arms, tuned the way we live to keep him the happiest.

Personally my social life was reduced in priority to an extent while I was so busy basking in the luxury of spending as much time with my baby, parents, wife, in-laws that I felt everything else MUST take backseat. I can unassumingly claim this to be the best phase of my life till date, but in the same breath should confess that I have been away from those who love to connect with me through blogs, FB, chats and other modes. Thanks and love to all those who have understood and been patiently waiting for me. I promise to get back and reconnect with them shortly.

For the last 6 months, I've been in the company of my parents and I subconsciously gained huge confidence and security levels. The longer I stay with them, the lesser I think about myself - and hence they are my de facto support system. Though I'm supposed to be old enough to be independent and stronger, today I feel weak in the knees and my heart already started melting because my parents are returning to India today. I don't think the departure will be easy, but I have to put a brave face.

I'm sure the baby is gonna miss his grandma's cuddles and grandpa's stories which he seems to enjoy endlessly. I so wish he realizes how lucky he's been all this while and what is he gonna miss from tomorrow. The nicer thing about the last 2 months was that the entire family (parents, in laws, us) was under one roof and hence more time to know or get closer to each other. When my in-laws said they would miss my parents hereafter, it shows the bond for sure. For my wife, my parents saw her through her pre-pregnancy diet, household chores, childbirth labour, post partum blues and baby care. So she is gonna miss them as much as I or baby do.

We can't thank my parents for what they did because it would be silly and stupid, we can't stop them from going back because they have to move on in their lives. We can just say we love them as much as we love ourselves. Now we only wish that Bunty baby does some magic and pulls his grand parents to settle with us for good. Fingers crossed !

Daddy's Diaries - 1

Ever since my bachpan I always wondered why people (in movies and real world as well) get ecstatic, excited when a little one is born. It took over 2 days to come to terms, sink in a feeling that I became a dad and that a certain little man arrived into this world taking my blood, genes and life into him. Aahhh !

It took me 32 years to understand what it takes to feel the world in your arms. That cosy embrace from a 2-day-old who looks into your eyes as if he's saying "I trust you, dad" - beats the biggest happiness and richest luxury. That's just worth a lifetime of waiting.

Since the time my wife got pregnant, we and the entire family were curious about how he would look, behave, whose looks and features he would inherit and we were desperate to skip few weeks to see the baby ourselves, if possible. May be the little one heard our inner voices, he didn't wait for too long as if he was prepared to get into our world of joy asap. May 07, 2012 - a day I can never take off my mind hereafter is the eventful day which arrived much in advance than the scheduled day. We rushed to hospital at 4:30 am and had our baby before our eyes at 9:44 pm.

The moment the little one arrived, we both went blank, we could neither think or feel anything. Hema didn't say a word for 15 mins as she was in trance and I didn't know what to say or how to react. It took an entire battery of doctors, nurses, staff congratulating us and few drops of tears to shrug off the statue mode to meet our destiny.

Honestly, that day I was happier and relieved that my wife came out of the process unscathed. Though I know every woman goes through this pain to deliver a baby, I had a tough time seeing my wife go through that hardship. I'm not a hospital person but here I was made to hold my wife and assist in delivering a baby in the birthing suite. Man, that was not easy, but it made me realize what a woman goes through to bring happiness into the family. Internet sources say that a human body can bear only upto 45 Del (unit) of pain but at the time of childbirth, a woman feels upto 57 Del of pain which is similar to 20 bones getting fractured at a time. My wife experienced this pain without any epidural or pain killer.

After her months of pregnancy, controlled diet, weight issues, and many common fetus / baby related precautions, measures, medicines and finally this childbirth trauma, I'm here reaping the benefits :) Now I began to love, respect my wife and mother even more. I don't think they can ask for a better gift on Mother's day which is around the corner :)

My dad was beaming with pride that somebody was here to take his lineage on :) and my mom who was with me in the labor room for a while was uncontrollably ecstatic at the first sight of her grand-son. They both helped me shift gears from labor-room stress to childbirth excitement. My in-laws, sister were sounding overwhelmingly happy and desperate to see the baby. But I didn't dare to take my son into arms as yet.

As of then calls, messages, best wishes started pouring in from all ends but I was unable to come out to normalcy by then. The hospital staff who were cordial, caring and very polite comforted me and my wife with their genuine glee. They had the policy to address newborn's parents as mom and dad and some 10-20 people among the staff addressed me as "dad" which rather helped me stand on my feet and accept the pleasant reality that YAYYYYY, I'M A DAD ! The kind of treatment (both medical and human) by the hospital staff was so congenial that we felt completely at home and we're glad that our boy's born there among positive vibes. Will be thankful to them, forever for whatever they have done to us.

The next day was a bit different as I woke up from a slumber and realized what my priority should be - yes, my baby, my son ! Everytime I saw him move, cry, yawn, sneeze, frown (which he's now popular for) - some unknown spark was passing through me. I simply can't explain that in words.

Last night (a couple of hours ago), a nurse helped me in holding the baby.....Initially I wanted to hold only for few minutes till he cries for milk or something. As soon as he came into my arms, he opened his eyes wide and sported an expression as if he understood everything I spoke. I had been speaking to him when he was in his mommy dearest tummy. May be he recognized the ever familiar voice (or may be that's what I feel to keep myself happy :)). I SPOKE TO HIM FOR 45 MINS FLAT and he listened to me with eyes wide open, looking into my eyes with frowns, expressions and mouth agape. All that I told him was how much I waited for that moment, how much he meant to me, what were the moments I was waiting for in future, what should he call me and ended the conversation with a couple of lullabies after which he promptly slipped into sleep :)

Now the feeling sunk in, the bonding started. In hardly 48 hours, I felt mellowed down and the world started looking much more beautiful, happening and exciting. It was not just a childbirth but also birth of a dad. And the baby better know that his dad can do any damn thing to keep his life happy...and I meant ANYTHING. As of now, I'm waiting to change his diapers, feed him, comfort him when he cries, take him for evening strolls and make myself his addiction and him mine.

Incidentally tomorrow (May 11th) is our 5th marriage anniversary and we were earlier planning for something big, but now something so big happened that everything needs to just wait :D We don't need a bigger gift for our anniversary, my wife can't ask for a better way to celebrate her first ever mother's day on May 13th. My sister's anniversary (May 14th) and parents' anniversary (May 16th) are now more special thanks to Mr. Little Someone.

Last but not the least, I felt overwhelmed with the kind of best wishes and greetings I received from loved ones who visited us in the hospital, wished us on phone, email, text messages, facebook and other media. I believe the positive vibrations and cheerful glee brought by such genuine and affectionate wishes make our happy moments even more special. I promise I'll reply to each one of them and will share pictures of the baby very soon. Since it was an early birth, doctors suggested us to keep the baby under observation for few days. We are waiting for that observation period to end to take good pictures. But let me tell you there are polarized opinions about whom he looks more like :)

Regarding the name, we again have polarized opinions but we're sure, we'll reach to a unanimous choice by this mother's day and his mom will announce the name. Thanks to all those who showed interest in knowing his name but a 2-day wait won't be too long :)

Finally, a request to all my well-wishers, friends, family, cousins and loved ones: please bestow your blessings on our little one that he should lead a very happy, successful, lovable life ahead; he needs those blessings for a peaceful life and to ward off all buri nazar without trace; and also wish me and my wife a very good luck in this new journey. Your good wishes and blessings mean a lot.

With Love

Love Affair Life Cycle

After writing a couple of posts on this subject, I didn't want to delve more or be a cynic especially when I myself am a product of love marriage; but decided to pen down some thoughts based on experiences of those whom I've seen from close quarters. My previous articles on the topic were:

• Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage
• Love, Pyar, Prema etc

Parents are getting more liberal and progressive these days and we see lot more cases of love marriages than earlier generations or even a decade ago. That may be a good sign from one point of view but that means youngsters are completely given charge of THE most important decision of their lives at the age when they are not always ready or matured to take one.

18-25 is a really tricky age when one falls in love with almost every good looking / attractive or interesting person of the opposite sex because everybody is subconsciously looking for a prospective life partner. On the other hand everybody is subconsciously trying to impress those of opposite sex by projecting their best side, or sometimes an artificial or made up persona (again with or without their own knowledge). So it's quite a confusing situation.

Boys naturally get attracted to beautiful, charming, sexy, talkative girls who elevate their status in their circles. Girls get attracted to handsome, humorous, interesting, charming, romantic guys who can provide them some security. That's quite natural

When a boy and a girl start talking to and liking each other (due to factors mentioned above), they will have a lot to talk, share, discuss, express for a period of time. This is when they spend hours together on phone calls, instant messages, text messages day and night. That's really a beautiful phase of any relationship.This is when "love" blossoms because they find each other very interesting, enterprising and engaging enough to spend the rest of their lives. The problem exists in the fact that nobody realizes that's a temporary phase because no couple can talk or share things like that forever. The aura or utopia vanishes in an year, sometimes even months or even worse, in some cases days. This is the period when a lot of couples get committed for marriage or a long term relationship. That's what they call love and also convince themselves that they know a lot about the other person and hence it's not infatuation anymore. That's when they get into some kind of intimate moments or physical relationships.

But after the cloud of interesting phase passes away, comes a phase of strange silence, longing for those golden days, dearth of interesting topics to talk about, lack of time for each other. This is the phase where the bogeyman called "possessiveness" creeps in. This is when boy and girl start fighting and cribbing over some "extra-attention" she/he gives to other boys/girls. Things start to change. Restrictions, instructions, follow-ups on each other take place of sweet-nothings. Worse if arguments about family customs, conflicts in backgrounds, fear of mental, emotional and social adjustments post marriage take center stage. In short, it would be "mini-hell".

A lot of couples break-up in this phase and find solace in other people who try to get them out of their bad phase. Some people stay in relationships just because they don't want to hurt their partners or don't want to be selfish or even worse don't want to treat "love" as a business - without realizing that these foolishly romantic lines will ruin two lives and families one day. And those out of bad relationships would feel like free birds :) Thus love affair life cycle ends. But if the couple really falls in love with each other, this phase too would be a temporary one and they can lead a happy and beautiful life forever because their real love starts just here notwithstanding all earlier sugar-coated conversations, spending hours on phone etc.

This quite often happens in arranged marriages as well. Couple brought into arranged relationship by their parents too will go through the utopia phase of colorful thoughts, sweet nothings, flowery conversations which will end at some point, but they come to terms with the next phase because they know they are tied by social norms and hence secondary thoughts don't even creep into their minds.

I personally know people who jumped into commitments because they like the way other person talks or behaves or looks like and then struggle through the next phase of converting love into marriage or marriage into love, and sometimes it's too late for them to back-off. A relationship which begins on the basis of superficial, artificial, unimportant or temporary factors will result in a bitter end or a bad marriage. Its good such relationships remain as crushes or infatuations forever.

Handling Criticism

Every person / thing / place / object in this world will have fans and critics. Managing life and maintaining relationships is all about handling admiration and criticism one constantly receives from the society.

This post was long overdue and should have been written immediately after the one about handling admiration (Read: Handling Admiration). But better late than never.

No two persons in this world look alike and neither do they think alike. Even the simplest and most straight forward concepts vary in perceptions between people and that's the basic human nature. For example, few people utterly dislike a very popular song or actor just because they can't understand why all others like him/her/it :)

Another example: For middle east conservative countries, US is a shameless, culture-less country where PDA is way of life and women dress outrageously. Will an American agree to that ? No, on the other hand, they consider Arab countries as barbaric stone age nations. As far as Indian and American cultures are concerned, there is extremely polarized views about family system, education system, lifestyle, sex life, PDA, religious affiliations and even usage of toilet paper. Now who is right ? Nobody, because that's how they were brought-up and they are made to vehemently support, defend their points of view.

If we like a particular cuisine, culture, lifestyle, taste, social values, ethics - just understand that those are our choices and not necessarily be applicable for the entire world and vice-versa. If we understand this basic principle, then handling criticism would not be a big deal.

Here are few quick principles to handle criticism:

First principle:  If you don't like criticism, don't criticize others because

1. The other person will definitely have his point of view and that's why he has been following or doing something - regardless of his point being valid or not.
2. Even if he realizes he was wrong, he wouldn't want to admit that (human tendency) and hence can hit back, some times with harsher words

If somebody criticizes you,

Second principle:  the first thing you should do is to understand and realize that the other person comes from a different background and a different set of values (may not be superior or inferior  - just different).

Third principle: Don't retaliate, abuse or confront with vengeance especially if you want to continue the relationship with that person. Conflicts of opinions are temporary, relationships are more important.

Fourth principle: It may be because that person doesn't like you and hence he would not like anything you do. So don't try to appease. Just leave it as it was.

Fifth principle: Don't blindly change your point of view. May be, you were right.

Sixth principle: Some people don't mean their criticism. Understand whether their intention was lost in choice of words and communication medium. May be they were expecting better behavior or attitude from you.

Seventh principle: Don't invoke your ego for judgments passed by others. Don't make it a prestige issue for every criticism. Some issues are better addressed by silence.

Eighth principle: Don't assume that there is just one right and one wrong way to do something. Whatever you do or think or follow, there would be somebody around who would definitely criticize. So you can run, but can't escape :)

Ninth principle: Just understand, you may be liked by somebody for the exact reason you are hated by many. So judgement is not universal.

Tenth principle: Don't blindly go with your point of view. May be the criticism is valid and changing your ways can do good to you. So think from the critic's point of view. Still you are not convinced ? Good for you.

These ways of handling criticism should be well-balanced with ways of Handling Admiration

Mera Bharat is NOT Mahaan !

Every Aug 15th and Jan 26th, it has been a ritual to sing "sara jaha se achcha, hindustan hamara" and chant "mera bharat mahaan". Everybody does that and many believe in that religiously.

Internet facts that are shared through emails and FB posts claim how great India is for all its contribution to the mankind. Indian movies depict greatness of our Indian army, culture, heritage, pride. Its the kind of patriotism that's injected into our masses which sometime turns into blind jingoism for people who take those sweet words way too seriously to consider India as the greatest country in the world. It sounds so good and I love it to be that way but is that the reality is a million dollar (or rupee) question. Loving our country is not same as believing it to be the best in the world.

First of all, there was no country or a geographic unit called "India" before 1947. Much earlier to independence from British, the common point among all princely states (together which we today call, India) was a religion or way of life - which was termed as "Hinduism" and the related civilization "Indus Valley Civilization". Eventually Indian religions like Sikhism, Buddhism, Jainism were founded and Abrahamic religions like Islam and Christianity made inroads. After this development, the land couldn't even claim to have a common religion, tenets, scriptures, beliefs, language or culture and there was no tightly knit country called India centuries before 1947. The only common agenda in early 1900's was native people's angst and agony against British rule.

Its a common perception that Pakistan was split from India etc where there was no India before a country called Pakistan was created. India was born a day after Pakistan. After that historic date, what has been common in people of India was again a million dollar question !

Today, Tamilians claim that Aryans came out of nowhere to push them into a corner and hence hate North Indians and everything related like Hindi, Sanskrit, Brahminism (as Periyar and anti Brahmin Tamilians claim Brahminism and caste division is a North Indian stigma). Sikhs hate the entire country and Hindus for not giving Khalistan, ULFA terrorists are upset with India for mismanagement of North East, Naxalites were born to end the very fabric of democracy and they don't even hesitate to collaborate with anti-national elements like Maoists of Nepal, China and terrorists of Pakistan, Kashmiris are upset because they were not granted freedom. And we say Mera Bharat is Mahaan whereas every corner of the country is embroiled in some kind of protest and sulking.

Even those who have no problems with India as a whole, have problems with one another. Telangana-Andhra fight, Maharashtrian fight against North Indians, Tamil Nadu - Kerala fight (Mullaperiyar dam), Tamil Nadu - Karnataka crisis (R.Cauvery), Punjab - Haryana fight (Chandigarh, partition). We mask these turmoils with a nice sounding phrase "Unity in Diversity". As if these inter-state issues are not enough, there is factionism in Rayalaseema of AP, criminalization of politics in Bihar, casteist equations in almost entire country, underworld in Mumbai, smuggling in Nepal borders, illegal immigration in Bangladesh border and the list goes on. Forgot to mention, there are also fights between "fans" of movie stars ;)

Now if you thought that's the end, read on. We have our 65 year old Indian government which did everything to stagnate economy, stall development, FDI; walked in the footsteps of a failed state called USSR (which doesn't exist anymore), supported Palestine (which supports Pakistan now), increased distances with USA thus making it closer to Pakistan, provided shelter to Dalai Lama thus annoying China which is a perennial enemy now (but at the same time crib that Pakistan is providing shelter to Dawood Ibrahim - heights of hypocrisy), always belonged to and enjoyed being a third world country by successfully nourishing corruption, nepotism, black-money, witch hunting of whistle-blowers. Even now, anybody dare to say "Mera Bharat Mahaan" ?? If yes, they could be plain stupid or blind in thoughts and brains.

We still clamor about Aryabhatta (who belongs to a time when there was no such place called India), we claim Mohenjodaro, Harappa (which are in Pakistan), we claim Buddhism (which was founded in present day Nepal), we claim to be birth place of Sikhism and Jainism (which our constitution still regards as parts of Hinduism and hence antagonizing followers of those religions). Now what right do we have to claim greatness about ?

Indians are usually proud of their mental abilities and knowledge. But was there any notable invention or discovery after independence ? We claim the success of so-called-Indians who either brought success to US companies or those who don't ever claim to be Indians (people of Indian origin). Our media run programs and editorials when people like VS Naipaul, Venky, S.Chandrasekhar, Hargobind Khurana and even worse people of foreign origin like Mother Teresa or Ronald Ross get Nobel prizes. Can we still feel we are an intelligent lot ??? Is our country's administration capable enough to derive the best out of our talented lot ? If no, nobody can cringe about brain-drain.

Indian defense ? It's very good in movies like Border and LoC, but in the reality is not as fantastic. The very first upset being losing 1/3rd of Kashmir soon after Independence. We don't mention about humiliations our army faced during petty skirmishes like Dwarka attack (yes, most Indians don't know that). 1965 war and Kargil wars were not as victorious as they were projected. They were just compromises and cease fire brought about by various external pressures. We don't even talk about China war which we lost badly. Our NSG commandos who are depicted as super humans took days to flush out few petty terrorists from a couple of buildings. Do we still feel great and secure ?

What else are we good at ? Sports ?? We celebrate one Olympic gold medal for years together and we also lobby to grant Bharat Ratna to that one chap. That's our desperation. Commonwealth games (no, I'm not talking about the scam), Asian games, any pride ??? How many know atleast half of team members in Indian hockey team (yeah, national game) or football or any 2-3 players of other sport in India except cricket. Now talking about cricket, think about BCCI - which is led by Sharad Pawar and a host of politicians who might not know the difference between on side and off side.

Justice in India must be a joke of the millennium. To decide who killed Rajiv Gandhi, our judiciary took almost 20 years, Afzal Guru who almost caught red handed was not brought to justice even after 10 years, now don't even think about Kasab. Every politician who gets caught ( that's very rare though) has atleast 50 years to go before the judiciary and commissions take some decision and later that decision can be reversed by a higher court or atleast bail is guaranteed.  Once an issue is identified, immediately a commission comes into picture just to spend more crores and time. Justice delayed is justice denied and its always denied in India (except for rich and influential). Media, bureaucracy, corruption, population, illiteracy, poverty, casteism in India - each deserves a separate article.

This is all about various issues, points which only Indians are much aware of. Now just imagine whats outsiders perspective of what India is (without being hypocritical that we don't care and all that drama). India is not even considered to be a major force (except by those heads of states who visit India to make statements). Nobody cares what India says, feels or decides. India rushed to support US after 9/11 but was cornered after rude snub by Americans, UNO never feels the need of pulling India into permanent security council membership, those countries which support India (like Russia, Israel) do only because India purchases defense arms and ammunition from them. Even when Libya was in crisis, they sought the support of Russia and China but never minded if India was for or against the rebellion.

Even international entertainment world sees India as a very big slum full of elephants, snake charmers and naked sages. Show me any movie which shows richness of India, and that can be a world wonder. Indian culture (which is showed in our movies as if foreigners crave about) is often ridiculed and shown in poor light. Though we don't need anybody's certificate or appreciation, we should refrain from believing that the world looks upto India for guidance or salvation.

Now, some super-optimists may say we are far better than other poorer countries. But alas, we are in a dire situation to compare ourselves with malnourished, war-torn countries to feel good. Now how the hell is "Mera Bharat Mahaan ?"

Those who just see cynicism and negativity in my post must read the following posts to understand the difference between loving, respecting, feeling good about our country without blindly believing we are the best. Bitter it may sound, but, no - we are not. Its reality.

Also Read: Confused Desis
Also Read: Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani

Why is India still a developing country ?

India got its independence in 1947 and since then the country has been a "developing" country. If anybody was asked what could be the reason for this, pat comes answer that its because of "vested interests of politicians and corruption among law makers and bureaucrats" and this answer is 100% correct. But it would be interesting to analyze what triggered the corruption and how these so called law makers got an opportunity to sabotage country's economy for their vested interests. I have covered this marginally in one of my previous articles (Read: India: History of Corruption).

It would be shocking (especially for those who are relatively beginners to economics) to know that India's growth in per capita income (income per person in the country) was only 1% since Independence to late 1980's. Yes, that means the country was literally stagnant with nil development for almost 4 decades and entire credit goes to the great JL Nehru for his foolish economic policies.

Now during those 4 decades entire industrial setup, banks, everything were under Govt control who gave away licenses only to powerful businessmen who could "lobby" and "convince" the government. These lobbyists controlled governments, bureaucrats, officers and there started an ugly liaison between businessmen (who could spend money), politicians (who could rule in favor of businessmen), officers, media, judiciary (who were paid by businessmen, controlled by politicians). This era also called as "license raj" restricted the entire country so much that everybody who had some money tried to influence policy makers and thus gave birth to the monster called corruption in India, which we are trying to fight today.

Till 1990, GDP (total worth of goods and services produced) and GNI (total income of the country) of India were among the last 20 out of 180 countries, thanks to 44 years of misrule, mayhem and destruction of economic fabric. So it would not be an exaggeration to say that we actually got real freedom in 1991. Now let us see what happened in 1991 which triggered this 360 degree effect on India and Indian economy.

Globalization & Liberalization:

Those who were born in early 80's could remember that till early 90's, the only cars we could see on the roads were Maruti, Ambassador and sometimes Padmini; BSNL was the only telecom provider, Air India and Indian Airlines were the only airways, Doordarshan was the only TV network; Soft drinks were completely Indianised (Gold Spot, ThumsUp, Limca, Maaza). It means nobody from other countries could invest their money or introduce their products and services in India. So Indian public were deprived of international goods, services, standards in all walks of life.

PV Narasimha Rao directed Manmohan Singh (then finance minister) to open Indian markets to foreign investors to benefit from Foreign Direct Investment (FDI) so that Indian treasury could be bolstered by foreign currency and Indian public could be given access to superior products of international market. Immediately we saw American, Japanese, Korean, European companies flooding India with their products in automobile, telecom, FMCG sectors etc. This was long awaited; the quality of life standards, GDP, GNI, per capita income - all started to increase dramatically and soon India fell in the top 10 economies of the world and is now the second or third fastest (not exactly sure about the ranking) growing economy in the world.

It is predicted that if this growth rate continues, India will overtake France, Germany, Canada, Australia, Japan, UK in another 15-20 years. Beating US and China would be difficult though (at-least immediately). So India can fall under "developed countries" in another couple of decades.

Opposition to FDI & Globalization:

If we pay attention to news headlines these days, Parliament is being stalled, people are taking to streets protesting against FDI in retail. They don't want foreign retailers like Walmart, Costco to setup their shops in India. Their argument is that these big retailers can cause unemployment to petty kirana and general stores in India. Hmm, may be that's correct, but the pros of FDI are more attractive than cons for the benefit of Indian economy.

Earlier when Hyundai, Daewoo, Mitsubishi were allowed into India, indigenous companies like Maruti cried foul but the government didn't heed because the economy would be developed and common man would be benefited. Now Walmart will inject huge influx of money into Indian treasury. At the same time farmers and manufacturers can directly deal with these foreign retailers thus providing cheaper and better quality goods and services to common man. So what if middlemen and brokers get affected ?

Opposition is just playing to galleries to attract a few votes from these middlemen, but if the government succumbs to such pressure and rolls back their idea of retail FDI, the dream of becoming a "developed country" will have to continue as the reality evades, thanks to selfish interests and votebank politics.

Burst Crackers on Diwali !

As Diwali is around the corner; we will start getting environment friendly messages asking people to stay away from bursting crackers citing various theories as how crackers and fireworks could destroy the world and humanity in the coming years. ITS UTTER CRAP ! This post is dedicated to all those who unknowingly panic due to the triggered propaganda and all those who crib with half-knowledge.

The entire world is now aware of global warming, greenhouse effect and generic air pollution that will affect generations to come. There are many factors (most of which we don't even realize) which contribute to these ill effects and we never care, but raise alarm over few hours of celebration that happens once in an year which has been a tradition for years (or decades .err centuries). Firecrackers and fireworks emit certain smoke, sound, debris and create some inconvenience temporarily but doesn't harm global environment, ozone layer etc.

Biggest sources of air pollution as established by all major standards including AP 43 compilation of air pollution emission factors include predictable sources like automobiles, nuclear reactors, electricity power plants, volcanoes, wild fires and not so predicable sources like waste disposal, garbage, agricultural waste, cigarette smoking, fumes emanating from nail polish, petrol and even surprisingly gases emitted by cattle during digestion. But pollution caused due to fireworks was never ever discussed or acknowledged due to its negligible effect on a broader level.

So those who want to arrest pollution should first reduce pollution caused by vehicles, electricity, agriculture and industry which accounts to more than 60% of the air pollution.

Now lets come to a bigger topic called global warming. Again there were international conferences like Copenhagen climate conference which were held to identify and reduce sources of global warming. The reason for global warming is generation of greenhouse gases predominantly by oxides, methane, ethane and other radioactive sources; again nothing to do with fireworks or crackers. I don't understand how did these self proclaimed anti-Diwali cracker protesters got this idea - may be from the paranoia of smoke emitted from phooljadis and patakhas !

And the funnier part is that only Diwali is targeted by these campaigners. Nobody speaks about global celebrations and fireworks during New years eve, Christmas or every weekend fireworks of Disney Land, Disney World, Niagara Falls etc done by the most developed and environment conscious countries of the world. Why this special attention against Diwali ?

Diwali or Deepavali has been the biggest festival for millions and Diwali without lighting diyas and bursting crackers is like any other weekend. Those who want to resist our centuries old traditions can always stay back but those who are interested need not worry about any stupid propaganda.

As mentioned earlier, firecrackers create some inconvenience which should be addressed by socially aware citizens. There is a safety concern, but there is one even when crossing a road or driving a vehicle. Just like we take precautions and safety measures there, bursting firecrackers need to be done amidst safety precautions so that nobody is put to any kind of inconvenience.

Fireworks emitting light are more beautiful and sparkling than those which emit sound. Hence prefer those. Also clear the debris once the celebration is over. With these simple actions, we can stop people who campaign against Diwali celebrations. Have a safe, wonderful, memorable Diwali !

Dowry Harassment vs False Allegations

When I was younger, I heard innumerable dowry harassment cases which led to physical and mental trauma of women; newspapers, movies and later news channels were on forefront on exposing such inhuman cases; the media tried its best to create awareness and bring about some common sense among the educated and exposed youth and families.

Exposure to such torture cases begot a kind of intense despise and contempt for those who even think about dowry. And a direct consequence being our family never brought the topic in both my sister's marriage and my marriage and I feel proud that my parents were pioneers of the trend among our extended families, though I don't see it as any great achievement enough to proclaim. We all believe that's a social and human way of thinking !

I always believe anti-dowry and domestic violence laws are boons against such mistreatment against married women because of their support to women and strict punishment against grooms / husbands and their families. Incidentally I didn't come across any dowry harassment cases among my known circles till date (to my delight), but in the last few years I have been witnessing different kind of situations; those of false allegations, misuse of laws. Unfortunately most of the victims happened to be my very close people and I've seen (been seeing) the trauma they are undergoing. While I'm completely in favor of stringent implementation of these laws, I wonder if there is any way to check abuse of the same. An account of few cases where the laws were abused:

Case 1: The simplest of cases was slapping an anti-dowry case on a guy when he asked girl's parents if they could treat their daughter equally with her male siblings in terms of rights and assets especially when all responsibilities and duties were shared equally among sons and daughter (sic). He failed to understand that the demand was called "dowry". He claimed he never demanded dowry but was just being logical by helping his wife avail her rights (:p). However after some "negotiations" with local police, he was let go and the couple lived happily thereafter (!!!)

Case 2: Another situation was one of my friends who was not clearly happy right from the next day of his marriage; he shared his grief with few of his friends (including me) that the girl had a bad break-up before marriage and could not come to terms and hence had been aloof from this guy since their marriage.

I came to Canada and kinda lost touch with him. When I pinged him online one fine day to ask how was his married life, he told me he just came out of 12 month police remand and under-trial. I was shocked to know from him that his newly wed wife committed suicide because her parents forced her into the marriage; broken and depressed, she took the extreme step and her parents wasted no time to slap a dowry harassment case on this guy and his family. Reportedly, all of them had to be in jail, suffer atrocities which are usually reserved for murderers.

I was so moved by the whole narration that I could hardly speak to him. Eventually he was acquitted by court for lack of evidence but he still faces the social stigma, lost his livelihood, forced to relocate to a different and alien place to hide himself from the society. Again, if he had really harassed his wife to death, he deserved this treatment, but what if he didn't ? Who can compensate the physical, mental trauma he and his family faced ?

Case 3: My friend got married few years back and the couple were happy [sic]. But eventually the couple underwent some minor domestic arguments like any other couple and the girl moved into her parents' place. Her parents immediately filed an anti dowry case on this guy and his family (despite their living away from parents and no chance of his family to interact much with his wife).

The whole household underwent depression, but somehow implored the girl to get back to the family with a promise that no one will ever dare question her again. Fortunately, everything went on well after that incident and now they are a happy couple, thankfully !

Case 4: A distant relative got married recently but after marriage the couple faced severe incompatibilities and realized they couldn't live together. They made it a point not to get physically, mentally, emotionally involved. Practically they lived in different cities. Soon both families got involved, conducted many counseling sessions and unanimously decided to annul the marriage through legal means (which means the marriage was never considered to be happened).

Out of the blue, the bride's family demanded groom's family to pay a hefty sum worth 5 years of groom's household income, failing which they had to face anti dowry, domestic violence and many other cases which could have put the family behind bars for a long time. The poor family had to mortgage their only residence in addition to shelling out their lifelong savings.The girl is now happy; bought a nice car, sponsored her brother's foreign education et al.

Case 5: The case which I got conversant with recently. My friend of over 8 years married a long standing girlfriend some 6 years back through a registered marriage in Europe (against her family's wish). 3 years later when they returned to India to seek elders' blessings, the girl's parents house arrested her and filed dowry harassment and domestic violence case against him who has been fighting till now. He lost his peace of mind, senses, career, family, life and is also facing a threat to his life (sic).

Bottom Line: Now among all these cases, if boys were lying to garner sympathy and if they had really troubled their respective spouses, then they very much deserve all the trauma they were suffering. But the million dollar question is what if they are innocent ?

A police case can be filed by anybody on anybody due to different reasons. Genuine suffering could only be one of those reasons, but there can be hidden agenda, blackmail and arm twisting tactics, paranoia, schizophrenia, attitude issues, mental imbalance or innumerable other reasons. Its common sense that accusation can't be tantamount to conviction. But fake allegations and abuse of such laws can cost livelihood, peace of mind for many youth.

Agonizing factor in such cases is that public sympathy, police, laws, society always take girls' side, regardless. Good or bad, naive or conspirative, honest or fake - these qualities are not exclusive to any gender. If dowry abuse is a sin, so is fake victimization of anti-dowry laws. No two ways about it.

According to stats, its revealed that less than 10% of cases were genuine. It could only means two things:

• Most of the women who still face dowry harassment, domestic violence are not resorting to police and law due to fear of society and family. So the social evil is still there.
• Most of the women who file cases are fake. Thus creating another social evil called false victimization.

PS: Earlier when I wrote an article about female (in)equality in society (Read: Do women deserve special attention ?), some male chauvinists ridiculed me for having feminist views. I didn't care ! Now if ultra feminists get hurt reading this post, I don't care either !

My Misadventures Part - 4: Aimless at Amalapuram

Here is the fourth part of my misadventure series after previous posts

My Misadventures Part 1: Mumbai Masala
My Misadventures Part 2,3: Homeless at Anantapur, Kitchener

My Misadventures Part - 4: Aimless at Amalapuram

This happened in the first year of my working career (2004-2005). The incident was not as traumatic or painful as misadventures narrated in previous posts but if anybody asks me what could be the most aimless or worthless day of my life for which I have taken disproportionate efforts, this incident wins hands down.

I was in in my initial days of corporate career with a software company in Hyderabad. Soon I realized how important it was to keep my boss and senior members of the team in good spirits and be in their good books. One senior member of the team who was my virtual boss was getting married in a hamlet near Amalapuram, a small coastal Andhra town.

Few days before the groom-guy took off from work, I had a small misunderstanding with him which was blown out of proportion and I was in damage control mode; hence missing his wedding would be tantamount to inviting his ire which I could not afford at that point. I planned well in advance to join my other team members to travel to Amalapuram the day before his D day. But due to some last minute obligations, I ran out of time and as a result, missed the train. It was some 7 pm and his wedding would be at 8 pm the following day.

The first thing I did from the railway station that night (after missing the train) was to call my friend to locate where exactly Amalapuram was in the map of AP. My first mistake was to depend on that person to guide me because (1) she doesn't know a.b.c of AP as she was a northie, (2) she was realllllly bad at maps.

After some on-call support from me, I could elicit information that Amalapuram was near a town called Rajahmundry (which I heard a lot in Telugu movies and literature- thats my only connection). I asked the station enquiry desk as how I could go to Rajahmundry with a noble intention of traveling all night. He disappointed me with a news that the earliest train I could catch would be next morning at 6 am and I would reach Rajahmundry at 4'ish pm the same evening.

Nothing else to do, I reached home, asked my friend to pick me up next morning at 5 am and drop me at Secunderabad station which he did, thankfully ! The train was east coast express which was going Calcutta bound. I didn't know why I always happen to be in in such situations (refer to my Mumbai masala misadventure); I had to find some place in the general compartment. I ran like PT Usha to find the general compartment, but all that I could see were some desperate (more than me) souls hurling abuses at each other to reserve a slot to stand in the compartment; and it was a long 10 hour journey !

I, as an embodiment of foolish optimism, tried to find some place in reserved compartments (again with my Mumbai travel experience), but was literally thrashed out by ticket collector who didn't pay a heed or heck to my puppy face. Then I had to go back to the general compartment. Good news: All those who were on the platform fighting to get in, got into the general compartment; Bad news: I had no place except on the foot-board and heck it was a superfast inter-city express. I almost lost hopes and decided to go back home. But again the wilful laugh of the groom appeared before my face and I took no time to stand on the foot-board of that express.

Though foot-boarding in buses was OK, the same on train was a heck of an experience !!! The only solace was that train never encountered speed-bumps or sudden brakes. The foot-boarding experience was more tricky because I was feeling sleepy in that breeze (remember it was 6 am). This whole drama went on for almost 2 hours till the train reached Warangal (yayyy, my place) !

The toughest and most important goal of my lifetime at that moment was to get promoted from foot-board to the walking aisle of the compartment. I applied all my senses and concentration to barge in as soon as the last passenger got off at Warangal and hurray, this time, I had a luxury of standing near the wash basin (which was at its worst situation, smell, look and feel) in the compartment. But suddenly I remembered the saying "beggars can't be choosers" and in that situation I literally felt like a beggar.

The next notable station was Vijayawada, some 4-5 hours from Warangal. I spent that time sleeping while standing (and snoring - as was complained by co-passenger. I felt so thrilled because till then I never got that "compliment"). Whenever I opened my eyes, there was a guy who was narrating stories of his enemies, rayalaseema faction stories, his account of escapades from people chasing with sickles and swords. I thought snoring was a better alternative to hearing his bravado.

Vijayawada arrived. I disembarked myself hunting for some edible food. Finally found some chips packet as a consolation as I could not afford to go to another platform in pursuit of happyness. Hunger was better than missing train again. Otherwise my story would have been worse than Kareena's of Jab We Met, I happily got into the train and found a good samaritan who generously allowed me to sit on his suitcase (with its locks, chains, handles). Sitting on that was a pain in the ass..yup, literally ! But again the proverb "something is better than nothing" appeared before me in bold letters; But what appeared in bolder letters was the railway station board of the next station which screamed "Guntur". Before I could realize, the samaritan enlightened me that at Vijayawada , the train's compartments gets divided into two different routes, one towards Rajahmundry and another towards Guntur and as usual I was on the wrong side.

Cursing myself and everybody who came my came, I caught another passenger train from Guntur to Rajahmundry which took its sweet own time, stopping at every house, lane and villa. By the time I reached the destination, it was some 6 pm. I had only 2 hours to reach the wedding venue whereas the travel time from Rajahmundry to Amalapuram was roughly some 2 hours. And then I had to go to that small hamlet from Analapuram. But since its only a social event, I could afford to go late.

I came out of the railway station and saw a little bustling area where people were talking, yelling in an accent which I heard time and again in movies. I felt like Gulliver (except the size) traveling to alien land. People were courteous and I didn't find any challenge in boarding Amalapuram bound RTC bus. I must admit that the travel route between Rajahmundry and Amalapuram was breathtaking with Godavari canals, lush greenery, plethora of coconut trees. I then realized why coastal Andhra was called granary of AP. Rich canvas and scenery drove away all my frustration and disgust.

The bus reached Amalapuram town at 8 pm. Now my next destination was to reach the marriage venue some 20 kms from there. So I inserted my hand into my bagpack to dig out the wedding card and EUREKA....I forgot to bring the wedding card. What a timing, it was !!!

Then I shrewdly tried to call all my team mates who would have been at the venue by then. Bad news: The area was out of cellular network. Some bygoner said I was too ambitious trying to call cellphones in an hamlet where roads and school was a luxury. Immediate thought: Why the hell was that guy getting married in a place where normal person could't reach; anyways, time was not enough for analysis and introspection. I moved on.

Then I called my mom and asked her to ransack my cupboard, find that wedding card and tell me the address. She asked me to call 5 mins later. I called her 5 mins later, 10 mins later and 15 mins later. Finally caught hold of her and she said, "ok write down". I sincerely borrowed a pen from some guy around, took a piece of paper to write down when my phone battery got discharged. Wow !!!!

I kept calling her from a public phone and finally caught her after some 20 mins and took the address. I showed the address to the bus depot manager who said I had to wait for 2 more hours for the next bus to that area. It was already 9 pm. Then I beckoned a sharing-auto (shared driver's seat along with three more guys) and finally reached the venue (bride's house) at 9:45 pm and was surprised to see a somewhat deserted look :-s

After pleading some 5-6 guys, I was fortunate enough to find a guy who presented me before "alludu garu". Yayyy, finally I saw that guy, wished him, presented him the gift I brought. My common sense told me that dinner was wrapped up long ago. He gently asked me if I had my dinner. I said yes, so as not to embarrass him and myself. He enlightened me that in villages there, its a custom to have dinner at around 6 pm and hence dinner preceded the event. Immediately he asked me if I would join my team mates who just left for Hyderabad in an SUV. OMG !!! How could I miss that luxury.

I bid him bye with a promise to catch those guys but it was too late till I realized that my battery discharged cellphone was just a play-toy in that remote area which could as well be used as an experimenting ground for aliens and Mars !

By then I was strong enough to accept the fact that my team mates would have already left and I was left to my adventure again. I took a sharing-bullock cart (some good samaritan again) to Amalapuram only to know that last bus to Rajahmundry already left. Then took a lorry ride till Rajahmundry, sharing-cab till Vijayawada and private bus till Hyderabad and by the time I reached Hyd, it was 6 am. The exact time when the misadventure started the previous day. So out of 24 hours, I was traveling for 23.5 hours (except that 10 mins with the groom) in express train, local passenger train, RTC bus, auto, bullock-cart, lorry, cab and a private bus.

Highlight: After a month, the groom came to work fresh from his honeymoon and asked me "dude, why didn't you come to my wedding. I think except you, everybody in the team made it, (showing me his group photo with team mates at his wedding) !"

Never Underestimate Facebook !

I read this news headline few days back "Wife assaulted Husband who didn't 'like' her Facebook status". Reading that, I laughed out loud and I'm sure many would.

Now read these:

"An IIM student committed suicide because her boyfriend announced breaking up with her on Facebook"
"A 35 year old who lured a minor girl on Facebook got arrested"
"Youth robbed by his Facebook friend"
"Man arrested for Facebook status message"
"Woman arrested for 'poking' Facebook user" and many more. Even London riots that happened a couple of months back, Egypt uprising were fueled by Facebook.

At the outset, many think why and how a silly website can affect anybody's life so much; afterall its a virtual website and not a "real world". Those who are not active on Facebook will never understand the phenomenon of Facebook which affects (both in good and bad ways) mental, emotional, professional, psychological and social lives of thousands..err..millions across the world.

Life before online social networking

Before online social networking (eMail, Yahoo Messenger, Google Talk, Orkut, Twitter and Facebook) came into picture, life was simple, straight forward and limited to known contacts who met us regularly in person. Social life was all about talking to relatives, cousins, friends, classmates, colleagues. We knew who liked us, who didn't, who cared about our day to day life and who did not. We knew how to deal if somebody had any problem with us because there was no way we could bypass them. With the advent of social networking, dynamics changed and obviously the "friends list" expanded beyond our managing capabilities.

Likes and comments

I believe Facebook is such a roaring success because of its features like 'Like' and 'Comments'. If these options are removed, I don't think many would write anything on FB, they would rather go blogging or write diaries for themselves :)

Now, talking about the example I gave in the first line of this post, the woman assaulted her hubby for not liking her status because that status message was in memory of her dead mother which was acknowledged by many of her close ones except her husband who was active on FB liking and commenting on all other stories and deliberately snubbing her status (sic). So the issue was not about liking a FB status, but was much intense, that of neglecting her mother's memory deliberately, which'd hurt her more. If there was no FB, obviously she would not have known even if he was having a gala time behind her :p

Those who are not active on FB are exempt from this kind of judgement for obvious reasons, but those who enjoy liking and commenting must be aware of such repercussions. Acknowledging and commenting on most of your friends, but consciously ignoring one among them is like entering a room full of guests, handshaking with everyone but conveniently snubbing one among them; they obviously feel hurt. Only that in FB, you can't read their expressions or any ill-feeling they nurture against you (unless and until you do that to deliberately hurt them :))

Making Relationships

Another reason for the success of online social world is the facility to make new friends, relationships which you could never have made in real life. Thanks to FB, the world abruptly exploded and you are thrown among hundreds of people who you may like or relate yourself with.

A reason for my addiction to Facebook or other online social forms is its wide canvas which allowed me to select my loved ones, choose those I want to be close with. Again there are pros and cons to this facility because all FB users present their best behavior and looks on FB, which can be quite deceptive. Steering across all such deceptions and finding right ones is a challenge in itself, but if you find one, you can have real fun.

Public Image

If we write any status message, that will be viewed by hundreds of people in our list who we may know well, know formally, don't know at all. Each person will have certain impression about us and anything we write may go well or against them, but the bad part is we never know how many of them judge us unless and until they present their views in terms of "comments" and "likes". So our public image is at stake (for those who care, of course, and even for those who don't :p).

If you write something utterly stupid, the whole world will immediately know how stupid you are, which is not the case in real world, because you never say anything before a crowd of 300 odd people. But the greener side is that if you are intelligent enough, the same entire world knows that regardless of whether they like it, comment it, acknowledge it or not. So you have to understand if you are really intelligent or not, before you post anything on FB while you don't have this risk in the real world :)

You can be an object of judgement based on groups you join, pages you like, articles you share, what you write in info about you, words you use (certain people suddenly stopped talking to me when they saw me using F word in some status message :p).

Invasion of Privacy


Your privacy can be invaded based on photos you upload, friends you tag (or you get tagged in). FB is a wonderful tool for voyeurs, peeping toms and if they are smart, they can pull out your entire janam kundali. Identifying who are close to you, who are not is not a big deal, thanks to your FB activity.

As mentioned earlier in this post, people are arrested for what they have written as their Facebook status message. So those who write inflammatory or provocative statuses are always subject to scrutiny. Some tech savvy thieves are always on prowl to see if anybody has posted a status message like "Hawaii, here I come", "Vacation to Europe" etc. These messages can be keys to your getting plundered :). So before writing anything, just imagine who can get mileage of your message.

Really Virtual - Virtually Real

Facebook can't be taken easy as just any social website or a tool for passing time. Its a world in itself. Whatever you say in real world will be multiplied in intensity if you say on Facebook. if you are good, it gets better, but if you are not so good at managing people and your words or behavior, God bless you !

You might have rubbed a lot of people in a wrong way, yet you don't know who they are. You don't know who all got paranoid that you don't like them despite no such intentions from your side. You don't know who all propagate negative things against you based on how you present yourself on FB.

Somebody is always watching and judging you !

Dealing with DEATH - Steve Jobs way !

Steve Jobs' death shook the entire world with a rude jolt. 10,000 mourning messages per second in twitter explains how much he is adored by digirati, gadget freaks, movie buffs, music lovers, mactards and residents of virtual world. Despite countless articles about his innovation, gadgets, his contribution to the world is still under-rated, because he was a freaking brain behind a concept called GUI computer (computer with monitor and mouse) without which our lives would have been diagonally, ruthlessly and helplessly different. 

As somebody said innovating atleast one among Mac, iPod, iPhone, iPad would have made anybody a legend. This man created all and hence can't be considered anything lesser than God ! A man behind alltime hit animation movies like Toystory, Finding Nemo, Cars has contributed immensely to the entertainment industry. Can you remember anybody else like him who single handedly influenced, indulged, changed lives of millions (er..billions), may be just Thomas Alva Edison or Albert Einstein. But this blog-post is not about his technological advancements, business acumen or marketing genius.

I think Steve was a bigger philosopher than anything else. He understood and explained life and death with incredible ease by setting an example. Born out of wedlock, adopted by somebody else, he slept on floor, walked miles to have a free meal - his life has been a long fight and he always won, except for the last time. A college dropout turning from rags to riches could only be a good fictional story, but for Steve. By 30, he was a head of a company which made him a multi-millionaire, something very few people can ever imagine, forget achieving.

But the real fighter in him emerged when he was fired from the very company he built. How many of us could get back from ashes to build another company and achieve a status and success to make same people who fired him begging him to come back. That needs real kickass conviction, belief, talent, guts and attitude. Not that he was always successful, but he knew how to come out of those failures unscathed to achieve bigger heights. Only REAL HEROES can do that. That's lesson of life, he taught the world by example.

Rejoining Apple was only the best thing to happen to the techie world. Still he lived, worked by his own terms which only Rajanikant could do in his films. He never dressed in a typical corporate style (atleast I never saw him in suits, blazers, tie, clean shaven look - which is being followed by Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg too). His focus was concentrated only on innovation and excellence, success just followed that making Apple richer than US Government (it's not a joke :p). He implemented what our favorite 3 Idiots proclaimed. That's some real heroism !

Now the tougher part: Death; When he was diagnosed with Cancer in 2004, he was given a deadline of 3-6 months before death. A billionaire, an icon for millions, "the" most successful innovator of the generation, a real life fighter-winner, a hero, a conquerer - became vulnerable to a disease at 50. How would we react if we were in his position ?

At Stanford's commencement speech at 2005 (an youtube video gone viral), he expressed satisfaction that his cancer was cured and confessed that he wanted to live more, atleast for few more decades (today, it was so difficult for me to stop dropping a tear or two when I saw this part of the video). He spoke at length about death, utilizing time sensibly before we see the deathbed. He didn't sound like a technocrat or a celeb innovator. He was just human, hellbent on turning everything in his favor, even death !

Most of his quotes are being forwarded, presented on web for the last 2 days, but my most favorite one was when he asked if we would continue doing the same work if it was the last day in our life ? It knocked me off my feet. As a person who witnessed death from such close quarters, he subtly but effectively presented the importance of time and life, which we take for granted. He didn't take life for granted both before or after his diagnosis. 

Eventually he had to come to terms that countdown to his death has begun; he famously said that he felt everyday was his last day as if he was waiting for his death. He also happened to read his own obituary accidentally published by some over-enthusiastic publisher when Steve was still alive. He planned his farewell dinners (:O). How strong should one's heart be to handle the looming death, languishing health, obituary messages, succession plans and invitations for farewell dinners? But even then, he chose what to do, whom to meet, how to spend his last few days (!) Mind-blowing. I saw this temperament in Gitanjali movie, nowhere else.

His birth, life, success, failure, death - none was ordinary. But he managed everything extraordinarily. Though we are talking about him because of his success stories, his life and death are motivational stories in itself, notwithstanding his professional success. I repeat, he is the best philosopher and a story-teller I've known who showed the world how to live and how to die - with an example that only legends can set.

May be, I should not get so melodramatic or sentimental about a public figure, but I genuinely feel the loss of this enigmatic, charismatic epic called STEVEN PAUL JOBS !

“I want to put a dent in the universe.” – Steve Jobs