Checklist for Groom Hunt !

Marriage is a gamble, be it love or arranged. Teenage and young adults around early twenties are vulnerable to getting carried away by transient factors which may cost their lifetime of happiness. Liking somebody and being happy with them are completely different things which may not necessarily go hand in hand. While nobody can judge or advise whom to like, I made an attempt to suggest single girls what kind of guys can keep them happy and comfortable. Here goes the checklist to watch out for:

1. Possessiveness - Though it sounds fairly harmless, this can be a single major reason for hell on earth for girls. There is a difference between concern and possessiveness. If a guy breaches that line and steps over individual freedom, that can get on your nerve sooner or later. A control freak, misogynist, insecure, male chauvinist guy suffering from inferiority complex can be lethal for a healthy relationship. So even if you like a guy, see if he respects your freedom. If you believe you can deal or adjust with his possessiveness, you are being very naive. It's a huge no-go
2. Decisive - No girl really feels comfortable with a guy who can't take decisions or relies on others for push. In years to come, he should be a head of your family, manage finances, society around, kids and many more. He should be mature enough to understand and analyze situations, assess options and take reasonable decisions on time. Again there is a difference between overconfidence and conviction which he should know.
3. Responsibility & Security - Single reason for getting girls married to older guys is to make sure they are in safe hands. Doesn't always means body guarding or getting into brawls with street goons to save her honor. Nothing so filmy. But a guy who feels, expresses and maintains responsibility and takes care of his girl's physical, mental, emotional, social and biological needs, securities is a right guy.
4. Attraction - Girl should marry a guy who adores her, treats her like a princess, feels lucky to have her around and takes pride in showing off his girl. Every girl is beautiful and will find a guy who goes crazy about her. You just have to wait and find him. Life becomes much more beautiful and romantic.
5. Family connection - Marriage is an alliance of two families. No guy or girl can peacefully co-exist with their spouse who hates their parents; nuclear families are no exception. Get into relationship only if you strongly and positively believe you can get along with his parents and he doesn't build bridges between you and your parents. It takes compromises from both sides to get along with people of different backgrounds but if it clicks, it makes a lifetime of difference.
6. Sense of humor - Though you don't need a standup comedian to tickle your funny bone all the time, check if the guy has some sense of humor. Life is too short to be seriously planning and panicking all the time. A guy who can make you laugh with even his silliest antics is worth it.
7. Charming - When you get married to a guy, he's introduced to your world of friends, cousins, colleagues, relatives. Though it's not important to keep the society happy, it helps if your guy is charming enough to spell magic among your circles with his charm, wit, etiquette, choice of words, gestures and social behavior. Who wouldn't like compliments about her better half ? That would add spice and beauty to the relationship
8. Expressive - Look for a guy who is expressive, who can show how much he loves you. That one quality will sweep you off your feet many times even after marriage. 
9. Monies - Though not absolutely necessary, life is better with luxuries than with paucity. As a saying goes, a successful husband is one who earns more than this wife could spend. A guy with good financial standing, potential to earn big can save you from a lot of gloom, inferiority complex, adjustments, compromises and agony. If you have a choice, opt for a richer guy. As simple as it goes.
10. Looks - Not the most important, hence the last in the list. Just imagine your life where you wake up (and also go to bed) to a suave, athletic, TDH guy. Wouldn't life be beautiful ? Also he's gonna share his looks with your kids-to-be. So don't be in perennial denial that looks are immaterial.

So girls out there, run this checklist through a guy whom you fell in love with or your parents proposed to you. It's never too late until you tied the knot. And if you think this would help your loved ones, feel free to share !

Other relationship based GYAN at:

1. Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage
2. Love Affair Lifecycle
3. Whom to choose between Parents and Life Partner ?

How Sachin Became God !!! Something Beyond His Cricketing Skills !

World has seen many celebrities, heroes, icons, legends, masters but it takes a special character and mettle to be addressed as God. It takes Sachin Tendulkar to be a God !

Unlike many others, I don't know nuances and intricacies of cricketing shots, drives, cuts and hooks. So I'd refrain myself from eulogizing the man for his batting technical skills. I'm nobody to judge or comment because his consistency, records and status scream much aloud. But just success and technique doesn't make anybody God. There must be something else too. Otherwise how can over a billion people, many of whom as cricketing illiterates as me, would kill to watch him play ?

Cricket has been a religion and a part of lifestyle of Indians since 1983 world cup. I remember avidly following every match in 1987 Reliance world cup and thereafter like fellow crazy countrymen. Everybody was an armchair commentator and expert analyst suggesting and cursing players for not playing to their sensibilities. Amidst the likes of Gavaskar, Kapil, Shastri and Srikkanth, masses of India wanted somebody who could play like their dreams. And there arrived a man - SACHIN TENDULKAR

He began playing like everybody would have dreamt to play if given a chance. He made everybody's wildest fantasies come true. His shots, running between wickets were more aggressive, playing to galleries unlike stars of that era. Just like a movie hero would provide escapist pleasure to viewers who imagine themselves in the actor's shoes and derive imaginary pleasure, Sachin provided similar inexplicable substitutional pleasure to those millions who earlier aspired or dreamt to play or wish to see somebody play like that. Boom ! Then started a mania, mass hysteria. Guys emulated him, girls swooned over his looks, advertisers hounded him and this curly haired young man became a rage of the country.

He was not the only person to blast the area with his blistz. Many more rose meteorically like Narendra Hirwani who took 16 wickets in a test match. But there was a glaring difference. Others were metaphorically and literally meteors and their fall was as fast. Sachin was an exception there. He entertained an entire generation who swayed along his bat and who passed over the legacy to their next generation.

By the time the next generation took reins, he already proved his mettle as the best and most talented cricketer around and justifiably was not susceptible to rookie judgement by fans anymore, notwithstanding a handful of haters who wanted to hate because they didn't want to subscribe to the majority verdict to prove they were mavericks.

Sachin's transition from the best player to the GOD is inspiring and interesting. The Gen X & Y saw much more than his batting technique. They actually loved his personality and most importantly his fame and respect.

He is one man made of small built, humble background, squeaky voice, soft spoken nature - all qualities exactly opposite to the conventional macho and handsome masculinity. In short, he is a normal, average, boy-next-door kinda Indian. And yet, he came, saw and conquered the world. That clicked bigtime among equally average but bustling mass base of India. They could identify themselves with his success. He plucked them all off from their dormant inferiority complex. so it was not only about his technique as mentioned earlier.

Another quality of Sachin - his personality and temperament. It would not be an exaggeration to say he is only next Indian to Gandhiji to show the kind of resilience, determination, pressure-handling composure and consistency for such a long duration on a national stage. And this analogy should not look ridiculous if one follows the success graph and the grit put on display.

Sachin always spoke with his bat. He never resorted to theatrics, histrionics, media frenzy, public relations, explanations to answer his critics or opponents. He forced his opponents to respect him, yearn for his acknowledgement and approval. He gave Indian cricket an ominous look.

If India was put on pedestal on the international fora in something, we must thank Sachin for that. Sachin became a reason behind self confidence to those crores of fans who saw their compatriot leave behind the who's who of the world behind. They beamed with pride to show-off that Sachin represented India. He brought India more accolades than anybody else could in the history of the nation. He represents the collective glory and pride of the country. We can't thank Sachin enough for that.

So, it was not just about his batting technique or records, but a wholesome package called Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. Bow to the MASTER !

PS: If you are yet not convinced with any of the above, just come to terms with the fact that his mother's name is "Rajni" and his coach name has "Kanth" in it. Now can we agree that he's God ?

Don't be Perfect !

Oscar winner Daniel Day Lewis (actor of Gangs of New York, Lincoln) is notoriously perfect to the tune that he lives his on-screen character even off-screen during filming. While filming for a certain paralyzed character, he reportedly remained on wheelchair even while not shooting and expected his staff to lift the wheelchair around (!!!) - all in the pursuit of perfection. And he is not an odd man out in the world of such lunatics.

Some real live examples of perfectionists I encountered:

1. One of my friends reads entire "terms and conditions" in websites before clicking on "I agree". LOL !
2. My cousin demanded amendments to some very insignificant condition in a job offer letter for a lucrative and challenging dream role he aspired for. The company rather chose the next guy in line.
3. Some of my relatives spend entire festival day cleaning, mopping, brooming their houses because for them festival is all about cleanliness. By the time they lay down, it's already bed-time.
4. My ex-colleague always wanted everything so perfect that he never bothered missing client deadlines in his attempt to make a "nice" document.
5. Some trainees I teach spend months together to research on a simple topic enough to write a PhD thesis, just to understand the outline. Crazy souls !

I have never been perfect in anything I did and that was not out of choice; I just can't be perfect, I'm not made that way. I'm disorganized, a bit clumsy, lazy. I seldom sport clean-shaven look at work, often go on a pair of jeans to meetings, procrastinate things and am everything diagonally opposite to being perfect, but things are fairly working out for me because I aim for efficiency, not perfection - totally different concepts.

My simple doctrine about why perfection is bad:

1. Perfection makes one lose focus - If you have to achieve or reach a target, you should know your priorities and let go few details which aren't integral to the journey. The key point is "letting go".
2. Perfection is unattainable - Perfection has no limits. Even if you are perfectionist and put everything very perfect, there would be somebody somewhere under the sun to show you that something else needed to be done. So perfection is subjective.
3. Perfection means under-achievement - Perfection demands intricate detailing of everything which strategically means underachievement because more emphasis is laid of the process instead of the result.
4. Perfection is against creativity - If you have to create something or establish a business, you have to try many things - most of the initial few attempts would be failures. So one can't work forever on each attempt to reach the final version.
5. Perfection is anti team-spirit - When a team works towards a common goal and one person cribs for perfection in unnecessary details, it obviously leads to tension and conflicts in team
6. Perfection is overrated - The word perfection sounds elite but a lot of times, perfect body of work is grossly over-looked. Nobody actually cares how perfect the product is and what kind of effort went into it. So perfection is overrated. Rather get things done quickly and efficiently and chill !
7. Perfection causes depression - Perfectionists are often lonely and suffer from anxiety and depression because of their zeal and passion they put and for good or bad, most of the times their success is inversely proportional to the passion and expectations.
8. Perfectionists are judgemental - More often than not, perfectionists are the first among equals to judge others' ways of work. That adversely affects human relations
9. Perfectionists can't deal with failure - Perfectionists are usually hyper-sensitive, pessimistic and their nature is propelled by the very fear of failure. In the attempt to avoid failure, they lose valuable time and resources. Same result !
10. Perfectionists are always busy - In an attempt to be perfect, perfectionists more often indulge in slogging over-time whereas clumsier peers when efficient do things much better in a shorter time 

Bottom line - Know the limit, set a deadline, draw a line and let few things go. I repeat LET GO !