Handling Criticism

Every person / thing / place / object in this world will have fans and critics. Managing life and maintaining relationships is all about handling admiration and criticism one constantly receives from the society.

This post was long overdue and should have been written immediately after the one about handling admiration (Read: Handling Admiration). But better late than never.

No two persons in this world look alike and neither do they think alike. Even the simplest and most straight forward concepts vary in perceptions between people and that's the basic human nature. For example, few people utterly dislike a very popular song or actor just because they can't understand why all others like him/her/it :)

Another example: For middle east conservative countries, US is a shameless, culture-less country where PDA is way of life and women dress outrageously. Will an American agree to that ? No, on the other hand, they consider Arab countries as barbaric stone age nations. As far as Indian and American cultures are concerned, there is extremely polarized views about family system, education system, lifestyle, sex life, PDA, religious affiliations and even usage of toilet paper. Now who is right ? Nobody, because that's how they were brought-up and they are made to vehemently support, defend their points of view.

If we like a particular cuisine, culture, lifestyle, taste, social values, ethics - just understand that those are our choices and not necessarily be applicable for the entire world and vice-versa. If we understand this basic principle, then handling criticism would not be a big deal.

Here are few quick principles to handle criticism:

First principle:  If you don't like criticism, don't criticize others because

1. The other person will definitely have his point of view and that's why he has been following or doing something - regardless of his point being valid or not.
2. Even if he realizes he was wrong, he wouldn't want to admit that (human tendency) and hence can hit back, some times with harsher words

If somebody criticizes you,

Second principle:  the first thing you should do is to understand and realize that the other person comes from a different background and a different set of values (may not be superior or inferior  - just different).

Third principle: Don't retaliate, abuse or confront with vengeance especially if you want to continue the relationship with that person. Conflicts of opinions are temporary, relationships are more important.

Fourth principle: It may be because that person doesn't like you and hence he would not like anything you do. So don't try to appease. Just leave it as it was.

Fifth principle: Don't blindly change your point of view. May be, you were right.

Sixth principle: Some people don't mean their criticism. Understand whether their intention was lost in choice of words and communication medium. May be they were expecting better behavior or attitude from you.

Seventh principle: Don't invoke your ego for judgments passed by others. Don't make it a prestige issue for every criticism. Some issues are better addressed by silence.

Eighth principle: Don't assume that there is just one right and one wrong way to do something. Whatever you do or think or follow, there would be somebody around who would definitely criticize. So you can run, but can't escape :)

Ninth principle: Just understand, you may be liked by somebody for the exact reason you are hated by many. So judgement is not universal.

Tenth principle: Don't blindly go with your point of view. May be the criticism is valid and changing your ways can do good to you. So think from the critic's point of view. Still you are not convinced ? Good for you.

These ways of handling criticism should be well-balanced with ways of Handling Admiration

Mera Bharat is NOT Mahaan !

Every Aug 15th and Jan 26th, it has been a ritual to sing "sara jaha se achcha, hindustan hamara" and chant "mera bharat mahaan". Everybody does that and many believe in that religiously.

Internet facts that are shared through emails and FB posts claim how great India is for all its contribution to the mankind. Indian movies depict greatness of our Indian army, culture, heritage, pride. Its the kind of patriotism that's injected into our masses which sometime turns into blind jingoism for people who take those sweet words way too seriously to consider India as the greatest country in the world. It sounds so good and I love it to be that way but is that the reality is a million dollar (or rupee) question. Loving our country is not same as believing it to be the best in the world.

First of all, there was no country or a geographic unit called "India" before 1947. Much earlier to independence from British, the common point among all princely states (together which we today call, India) was a religion or way of life - which was termed as "Hinduism" and the related civilization "Indus Valley Civilization". Eventually Indian religions like Sikhism, Buddhism, Jainism were founded and Abrahamic religions like Islam and Christianity made inroads. After this development, the land couldn't even claim to have a common religion, tenets, scriptures, beliefs, language or culture and there was no tightly knit country called India centuries before 1947. The only common agenda in early 1900's was native people's angst and agony against British rule.

Its a common perception that Pakistan was split from India etc where there was no India before a country called Pakistan was created. India was born a day after Pakistan. After that historic date, what has been common in people of India was again a million dollar question !

Today, Tamilians claim that Aryans came out of nowhere to push them into a corner and hence hate North Indians and everything related like Hindi, Sanskrit, Brahminism (as Periyar and anti Brahmin Tamilians claim Brahminism and caste division is a North Indian stigma). Sikhs hate the entire country and Hindus for not giving Khalistan, ULFA terrorists are upset with India for mismanagement of North East, Naxalites were born to end the very fabric of democracy and they don't even hesitate to collaborate with anti-national elements like Maoists of Nepal, China and terrorists of Pakistan, Kashmiris are upset because they were not granted freedom. And we say Mera Bharat is Mahaan whereas every corner of the country is embroiled in some kind of protest and sulking.

Even those who have no problems with India as a whole, have problems with one another. Telangana-Andhra fight, Maharashtrian fight against North Indians, Tamil Nadu - Kerala fight (Mullaperiyar dam), Tamil Nadu - Karnataka crisis (R.Cauvery), Punjab - Haryana fight (Chandigarh, partition). We mask these turmoils with a nice sounding phrase "Unity in Diversity". As if these inter-state issues are not enough, there is factionism in Rayalaseema of AP, criminalization of politics in Bihar, casteist equations in almost entire country, underworld in Mumbai, smuggling in Nepal borders, illegal immigration in Bangladesh border and the list goes on. Forgot to mention, there are also fights between "fans" of movie stars ;)

Now if you thought that's the end, read on. We have our 65 year old Indian government which did everything to stagnate economy, stall development, FDI; walked in the footsteps of a failed state called USSR (which doesn't exist anymore), supported Palestine (which supports Pakistan now), increased distances with USA thus making it closer to Pakistan, provided shelter to Dalai Lama thus annoying China which is a perennial enemy now (but at the same time crib that Pakistan is providing shelter to Dawood Ibrahim - heights of hypocrisy), always belonged to and enjoyed being a third world country by successfully nourishing corruption, nepotism, black-money, witch hunting of whistle-blowers. Even now, anybody dare to say "Mera Bharat Mahaan" ?? If yes, they could be plain stupid or blind in thoughts and brains.

We still clamor about Aryabhatta (who belongs to a time when there was no such place called India), we claim Mohenjodaro, Harappa (which are in Pakistan), we claim Buddhism (which was founded in present day Nepal), we claim to be birth place of Sikhism and Jainism (which our constitution still regards as parts of Hinduism and hence antagonizing followers of those religions). Now what right do we have to claim greatness about ?

Indians are usually proud of their mental abilities and knowledge. But was there any notable invention or discovery after independence ? We claim the success of so-called-Indians who either brought success to US companies or those who don't ever claim to be Indians (people of Indian origin). Our media run programs and editorials when people like VS Naipaul, Venky, S.Chandrasekhar, Hargobind Khurana and even worse people of foreign origin like Mother Teresa or Ronald Ross get Nobel prizes. Can we still feel we are an intelligent lot ??? Is our country's administration capable enough to derive the best out of our talented lot ? If no, nobody can cringe about brain-drain.

Indian defense ? It's very good in movies like Border and LoC, but in the reality is not as fantastic. The very first upset being losing 1/3rd of Kashmir soon after Independence. We don't mention about humiliations our army faced during petty skirmishes like Dwarka attack (yes, most Indians don't know that). 1965 war and Kargil wars were not as victorious as they were projected. They were just compromises and cease fire brought about by various external pressures. We don't even talk about China war which we lost badly. Our NSG commandos who are depicted as super humans took days to flush out few petty terrorists from a couple of buildings. Do we still feel great and secure ?

What else are we good at ? Sports ?? We celebrate one Olympic gold medal for years together and we also lobby to grant Bharat Ratna to that one chap. That's our desperation. Commonwealth games (no, I'm not talking about the scam), Asian games, any pride ??? How many know atleast half of team members in Indian hockey team (yeah, national game) or football or any 2-3 players of other sport in India except cricket. Now talking about cricket, think about BCCI - which is led by Sharad Pawar and a host of politicians who might not know the difference between on side and off side.

Justice in India must be a joke of the millennium. To decide who killed Rajiv Gandhi, our judiciary took almost 20 years, Afzal Guru who almost caught red handed was not brought to justice even after 10 years, now don't even think about Kasab. Every politician who gets caught ( that's very rare though) has atleast 50 years to go before the judiciary and commissions take some decision and later that decision can be reversed by a higher court or atleast bail is guaranteed.  Once an issue is identified, immediately a commission comes into picture just to spend more crores and time. Justice delayed is justice denied and its always denied in India (except for rich and influential). Media, bureaucracy, corruption, population, illiteracy, poverty, casteism in India - each deserves a separate article.

This is all about various issues, points which only Indians are much aware of. Now just imagine whats outsiders perspective of what India is (without being hypocritical that we don't care and all that drama). India is not even considered to be a major force (except by those heads of states who visit India to make statements). Nobody cares what India says, feels or decides. India rushed to support US after 9/11 but was cornered after rude snub by Americans, UNO never feels the need of pulling India into permanent security council membership, those countries which support India (like Russia, Israel) do only because India purchases defense arms and ammunition from them. Even when Libya was in crisis, they sought the support of Russia and China but never minded if India was for or against the rebellion.

Even international entertainment world sees India as a very big slum full of elephants, snake charmers and naked sages. Show me any movie which shows richness of India, and that can be a world wonder. Indian culture (which is showed in our movies as if foreigners crave about) is often ridiculed and shown in poor light. Though we don't need anybody's certificate or appreciation, we should refrain from believing that the world looks upto India for guidance or salvation.

Now, some super-optimists may say we are far better than other poorer countries. But alas, we are in a dire situation to compare ourselves with malnourished, war-torn countries to feel good. Now how the hell is "Mera Bharat Mahaan ?"

Those who just see cynicism and negativity in my post must read the following posts to understand the difference between loving, respecting, feeling good about our country without blindly believing we are the best. Bitter it may sound, but, no - we are not. Its reality.

Also Read: Confused Desis
Also Read: Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani

Why is India still a developing country ?

India got its independence in 1947 and since then the country has been a "developing" country. If anybody was asked what could be the reason for this, pat comes answer that its because of "vested interests of politicians and corruption among law makers and bureaucrats" and this answer is 100% correct. But it would be interesting to analyze what triggered the corruption and how these so called law makers got an opportunity to sabotage country's economy for their vested interests. I have covered this marginally in one of my previous articles (Read: India: History of Corruption).

It would be shocking (especially for those who are relatively beginners to economics) to know that India's growth in per capita income (income per person in the country) was only 1% since Independence to late 1980's. Yes, that means the country was literally stagnant with nil development for almost 4 decades and entire credit goes to the great JL Nehru for his foolish economic policies.

Now during those 4 decades entire industrial setup, banks, everything were under Govt control who gave away licenses only to powerful businessmen who could "lobby" and "convince" the government. These lobbyists controlled governments, bureaucrats, officers and there started an ugly liaison between businessmen (who could spend money), politicians (who could rule in favor of businessmen), officers, media, judiciary (who were paid by businessmen, controlled by politicians). This era also called as "license raj" restricted the entire country so much that everybody who had some money tried to influence policy makers and thus gave birth to the monster called corruption in India, which we are trying to fight today.

Till 1990, GDP (total worth of goods and services produced) and GNI (total income of the country) of India were among the last 20 out of 180 countries, thanks to 44 years of misrule, mayhem and destruction of economic fabric. So it would not be an exaggeration to say that we actually got real freedom in 1991. Now let us see what happened in 1991 which triggered this 360 degree effect on India and Indian economy.

Globalization & Liberalization:

Those who were born in early 80's could remember that till early 90's, the only cars we could see on the roads were Maruti, Ambassador and sometimes Padmini; BSNL was the only telecom provider, Air India and Indian Airlines were the only airways, Doordarshan was the only TV network; Soft drinks were completely Indianised (Gold Spot, ThumsUp, Limca, Maaza). It means nobody from other countries could invest their money or introduce their products and services in India. So Indian public were deprived of international goods, services, standards in all walks of life.

PV Narasimha Rao directed Manmohan Singh (then finance minister) to open Indian markets to foreign investors to benefit from Foreign Direct Investment (FDI) so that Indian treasury could be bolstered by foreign currency and Indian public could be given access to superior products of international market. Immediately we saw American, Japanese, Korean, European companies flooding India with their products in automobile, telecom, FMCG sectors etc. This was long awaited; the quality of life standards, GDP, GNI, per capita income - all started to increase dramatically and soon India fell in the top 10 economies of the world and is now the second or third fastest (not exactly sure about the ranking) growing economy in the world.

It is predicted that if this growth rate continues, India will overtake France, Germany, Canada, Australia, Japan, UK in another 15-20 years. Beating US and China would be difficult though (at-least immediately). So India can fall under "developed countries" in another couple of decades.

Opposition to FDI & Globalization:

If we pay attention to news headlines these days, Parliament is being stalled, people are taking to streets protesting against FDI in retail. They don't want foreign retailers like Walmart, Costco to setup their shops in India. Their argument is that these big retailers can cause unemployment to petty kirana and general stores in India. Hmm, may be that's correct, but the pros of FDI are more attractive than cons for the benefit of Indian economy.

Earlier when Hyundai, Daewoo, Mitsubishi were allowed into India, indigenous companies like Maruti cried foul but the government didn't heed because the economy would be developed and common man would be benefited. Now Walmart will inject huge influx of money into Indian treasury. At the same time farmers and manufacturers can directly deal with these foreign retailers thus providing cheaper and better quality goods and services to common man. So what if middlemen and brokers get affected ?

Opposition is just playing to galleries to attract a few votes from these middlemen, but if the government succumbs to such pressure and rolls back their idea of retail FDI, the dream of becoming a "developed country" will have to continue as the reality evades, thanks to selfish interests and votebank politics.