Money...Honey !!!

"Dhanam moolam idam jagath" - A sanskrit phrase which means money is the root cause for everything in the world. That's true in sense that money can buy comforts, luxuries, power, prestige, respect and even happiness to some extent. And hence everybody wants money, but the question is HOW MUCH DO THEY NEED ?

I know there is no answer for this question as nobody will have an upper limit set that they just need that much money for being happy. That's human nature. But one has to understand that the significance of money varies from time to time, phase to phase and there will be various factors that will have to take backseat or frontseat vis-a-vis money at different stages of life.

A simplest example: Freshers out of college usually consider three parameters to select their jobs. Parameters being: salary, branded company, job profile. Lucrative pay package and comfort some job-offers provide will be so tempting that the job profile will take the backseat initially. But only after 5 years of working can one realize that they have sufficient money but they didn't learn much to grow further and it would be too late to start a fresh career. I've witnessed many people who are in such situation today.

I also know a lot of people who compromised their everything to get richer. They slogged like donkeys throughout their lives to earn a fortune to provide comfort to their kids. Those kids when grew older didn't realize the importance of hard earned money because they never saw any hardship. They just felt that their parents followed their duty. Alas !

Technology boom brought in the salary revolution and all IT employees became richer overnight, without realizing what they lost in the bargain. Agreed that the money paid to them is significantly more, but they were still paid peanuts in comparison to fortunes those IT companies made thanks to it's employees' bonded labor. On the darker side, workers lost a significant portion of their family life. So while they gained in financial aspect, they lost on relationships and that beautiful time they could have spent with their families and friends.

Entrepreneurs, self-employed, businessmen's case is unique. The more effort they put in, the more money they earn (usually). So their mindset has changed in such a way that the time they spend with their loved ones made them feel guilty as they would have earned more money during those hours. So the bottom line happened to be earning money and materialistic happiness elicited out of that. How about human relations and peace of mind ?

As per statistics, life expectancy has been constantly declining, people are not being as strong as those in previous generations. This generation which is intelligent enough to counter futuristic issues like global warming is not able to comprehend emotional cooling that's seeping in unsuspiciously. Earning money became the biggest goal and everything else lost in the due process is extremely oversighted.

A lower middle class guy wants to slog to fall under upper middle class so that he can drive a car, live in a decent apartment. An upper middle class guy wants to get into elite class to enjoy club memberships, drive a luxury car, own multiple investments. A rich guy wants to earn more to establish contacts and relationships with the powerful who's who in the city. Powerful who's who want to earn more to expand their empire and rule the country's economy. Those kings of corporate world who rule the country earn more to retain their power. SO, IS THERE ANY LIMIT FOR EARNING ? No, absolutely not !

For something which has no end, people are compromising on relationships, few even stoop down to the level of cheating others, breaking hearts, losing loved ones, judging others based on economic status.

Money is an addiction, an unending quagmire, an oasis which converts one's heart into another brain. Theory of evolution says that ape got rid of its tail as it stopped using it. Now the man is the process of getting rid of his heart and hence relationships, emotions, love.

Holding a child's hand, hugging a loved one, shedding a tear for somebody we care for, extending a helping hand, sharing others' griefs, spreading love - don't need money and those who can do all these are richer than the richest.

Money is not everything, honey. Its never too late to realize that !

Harsh Criticism - Symptoms & Cure

Did you ever face people who without any reason criticize and pass unnecessary comments about you, your tastes, your loved ones, your favorite cuisines, actors, movies, genres, cities, habits etc ? I'm sure you did as this is a chronic disease we see in many people in our day to day lives. Common symptoms I noticed in all such souls is either superior complex (coupled with fear of others' superiority) or inferiority complex (coupled with inability to accept their inferiority) which makes them behave in a particular way.

It takes grace, dignity and decency to be polite to others regardless of how close others are and what you feel about them. But being harsh or acidic towards others just needs some sense of mental dysfunction, complex and bad childhood.

Earlier, I wrote an article about so called straight forward people who don't know the difference between being straight forward and being harsh (Read: I'm not straightbackward).

All those who are harsh towards others have the same justification "I don't want to keep anything in my heart and hence am outspoken". This is the most ridiculous justification or argument I ever heard. They don't understand that its not being straight forward but being just plain rude and stupid especially if the opposite person doesn't appreciate the kind of harsh comments. Those who feel being outspoken relieves them from mental tension should understand that while they relieve themselves, they are straining relationship with others who are on the receiving end. That's mere immaturity or childishness and definitely not child-likeness.

Sometimes this kind of immature behavior can be rubbished as their naivete but there are people who belong to a worse category. Those who desperately search for situations to be harsh. These bunch of jokers are incorrigible critics who don't mince a word to be harsh with their acerbic words. Its their inferiority complex and their constant need to make others look inferior to mask their own inabilities. These kind of people are never seen when the whole world appreciates your work or success :)

Every person is made in a different way and has varied interests. This is a basic truth which goes over the head of most self centered nigglers. They follow something and don't think twice before finding fault with or laugh at others who don't follow them, which at times is funny :)

Another category are the talented lot who believe that the rest of the world is bestowed upon at their service. Intelligentsia feel intelligence is the yardstick for respect; those who know a bit of singing or acting or dancing or fighting or blah blah blah take their own skill as a yardstick to respect others and start judging everybody around even if their skill does no good to anybody including themselves. Anybody's success or skill is not their favor to the humanity, but for themselves. Success is beautiful and respected only when coupled with grace and humility, not pomposity, judgement or conceit.

Bottom Line: Spreading hatred is very easy and being harsh to others for whatever reason is the gateway to promote hatred. Empathy is a simple lock for this gateway. Just put yourself in others' shoes before passing any judgement or comments about others, especially if you don't need to.

Limit the criticism to constructive criticism if you want others to improve but if you are unnecessarily harsh to anybody, there will be only two consequences:

• Either you lose relationships (if the other person is sensitive)
• Or you lose respect (if the other person doesn't take your harshness to heart).

Once you follow this kind of Gandhigiri of maintaining restraint in harsh criticism and start being nice, you'd feel you belong to a superior breed of people, much above the pack of nasty organisms !

What My Dad Taught Me !

After writing posts about my mom and my wife, the last part of the trilogy is obviously about my dad and what could be a better day than my parents' wedding anniversary (May 16th).  I seldom express anything to my dad and thought this is the best medium to let him know what he means to me and what he taught me :)

Again it would be foolish if I start writing how much my dad loves me or cares for me. But this is definitely a moment to acknowledgement what he taught me by example. The three biggest lessons of life I learnt observing my dad are:

(1) Developing an identity and being ourselves regardless of our background
(2) Doing and enjoying whatever we like regardless of what others think
(3) Being soft-spoken, amiable and chivalrous even if others consider that as our weakness.

If I happen to project any of the above-mentioned characteristics, its just because I'm heavily influenced by my dad's style.

My dad's childhood and adolescence was in stark contrast to my mom's. He was born into an affluent family of landlords and my grandfather has been sarpanch of his village for 3 decades. With the kind of lifestyle he spent his childhood and adolescence, anybody would expect my dad to be a spoilt kid, but that didn't matter to him as he grew up to realize that he wanted to be a self made man.

He never liked his identity to be a son of somebody. He was the only son of the family (from previous few generations including his) who came out of the political ambiance to find himself a decent job by his own credentials to sustain himself out of any family influence and since that day never did he demand / command / question / enjoy even a penny from his ancestral property. It takes a lion heart to be a man of values and supreme self confidence to shift gears from a affluent life with 10 servants around to a struggler who went around to do odd jobs, starve and make his own mark in the world. And my dad, indeed has a lion heart.

He got married when he was 22 and I was born by the time he turned 23. I was strictly raised amidst middle class values and from the time I remember, I was made to understand the importance of hardwork, self sufficiency, simplicity and I hardly knew the kind of background my father came from until I was some 6 years old and visited the home village near Ghanpur of Warangal Dist.

Whenever I visited the village, I was royally pampered and almost spoilt by the whole village till I was some 12 years old. I remember people there addressing me as "Chinna Panthulu". That was sprawling yesteryear modeled house built in the midst of an acre of land, a big cow barn, an area for grandfather's daily political meetings, a ration warehouse, a dhobi ghat in the backyard, huge garden for vegetables and villages of farmland. But my parents took utmost care so that I don't get carried away by that lifestyle and grandeur and here I'm :)

Coming back to my parents' early married years: Those were the days when ladies of homes were confined to kitchens and there was no concept called chivalry among men. Men who asked their wives' opinion in social matters or those who helped their wives in kitchen were considered meek and henpecked. Infact thats the stupidity even the current generation follows sometimes. But my dad showed the world how important it is to see wife as equal and how joyful life would be if wife is made a best friend.

He never wanted a macho or masculine image which he might've bestowed with had he not allowed my mom to present her views. He never stopped or restricted my mom in speaking her mind and doing her heart. He never thought twice to help my mom in kitchen before guests or relatives. Chauvinists and pessimists were crying foul but my dad was and has been chivalrous till date. He was never a "Tiger" or "Anaconda" as fathers depicted in movies or narrated by my friends. I feel so proud of him :)

My dad realized that my mom had the potential to make it big in professional and social circles as he stood as a pillar of support by rekindling her education, encouraged her to pursue her career, did whatever he could and my mom stood upto his expectations and turned up to be his support in spinning money for the family. That's marriage for them - beautifully complementing and supplementing each other :)

My dad always did what he wanted, never cared about others. But never did he get an image of an arrogant, stubborn or irritating person because of his social behavior which I try very hard to emulate but fail miserably. He is the most soft spoken person as known to all his friends, confidants, acquaintances and relatives. I seldom saw him in anger or frustration. Others would not have seen him ever in any kind of negative emotions like anger, frustration, scheming, jealous, loudness etc. My dad has been a saintly figure even for those who have some problems with me or my mom :) So he taught me without preaching that we should be ourselves without being harsh to others. These seeds were sown since my childhood.

His patience is infectious, his composure is soothing, his simplicity is inspiring, his independence is brutal, his conviction is ruthless, his attitude is impeccable, his influence in enormous, his love is impalpable, his support is unflinching. He is my dad, he is my hero.

Mom & Dad, happy anniversary to you and love you both :) ..

PS: Those who wonder why did I write only about dad on my parents' anniversary, please browse through an older post a week ago where I wrote about my mom (My Mom - My Friend)

With this ended the series of my family related personal posts for this season. Some other topic very soon :)

Marital Bliss - Celebration of Life !

On May 11, my wife and I would be a happily married couple for the past 4 years and an year and a half of courtship before that. This post is not about our love story as I've narrated that umpteen number of times and most of my blog-readers know that by-heart :)

I proposed her within a week of knowing her. Some people called it infatuation, others named it hastiness. But after 25 years of being in single status and not proposing to any girl, I felt she was the girl who could make me feel complete. A week of conversation made me realize that I could go upto any extent to make her my life-partner and I did. Since then the love has been exponentially growing and hence just saying I love her doesn't sum up all the respect, admiration, bonding, affection, love I have towards her.

Every guy will have a wishlist as what he wants to see in his wife and everybody's wishlist will have few common qualities: beauty, friendship, understanding. But I'm lucky to get more in my wifey.

She may not be the most beautiful girl I ever know, but she is the most graceful, attractive and the cutest. The way she carries herself sweeps me off the feet till date. It is usually said that infatuation evaporates soon and love remains forever. But after 4 years of marriage, I still feel the infatuation and I wish it remains forever too. Till date, I so love to impress her, grab her attention, I still feel ecstatic when she holds my hand, feel secure when she smiles, groom myself to look good with her.

Men say they hang around with friends to beat the stress of family life. But for me, its other way round. I wish to hang around with my wife, narrate her my experiences, long to listen to her, talk about everything under the sun. We share tastes in terms of cuisines, hang out spots, genres of movies, music, hobbies like travelling, photography, shopping. She has been my best friend and will always be.

Understanding is a very vague term, but if I have to define that I would define it as something which I have with my wife. That describes everything. We never had to use words, gestures or even expressions to make each other understand and comfortable. We know and complement each other's thought process, reactions, interests and decisions. This makes us feel and behave like bf-gf rather than orthodox wife and husband. Everybody who have seen us together will vouch for that.

OK, a quick question here. Did you ever see a person who NEVER argues or complains ? If no, its high time to meet my wife. If you think I'm lucky to find somebody like this as a wife, then I can't agree more. If you don't believe when I say I'm yet to get into an argument with her, all I can do is to smile helplessly and if I see anybody having a fight with her, I would like to congratulate them for being the most miserable and nastiest of living organisms alive :D

She always says that she never enters into a verbal duel or mind games because she knows she can't win but I'm in the process of making her realize how divine that quality is :) But the flip-side is that she has been the victim of my tantrums and temperaments which am sure she got used to by now :-|

She is my stabilizing factor. Whenever arrogance creeps into my head, I just realize how down-to-earth she was with her kind of knowledge and success stories in her kitty. It immediately brings me down to the ground. Whenever some tension troubles me, I just talk to her and her way of taking things easy makes me realize I was over-reacting. 

Everybody likes to feel important and my wife has all the time in the world and all ears for me. She is the only person who enjoys listening to me whatever I say. I can be myself as she never judges me, never minds placing me above her, always takes pride in my achievements and accomplishments. The kind of importance she gives to me often raises my confidence levels.

She pampers me, she understands me, she stabilizes me, she loves me, she cares for me, she serves me, she is proud of me and SHE IS MINE !

Ammadu, life has been a celebration since you arrived into my life. Love !

My Mom - My Friend

I know mothers' day is around the corner. Though we don't need any particular day to love our mother, dedicating a day to celebrate and acknowledge how important she is doesn't harm because we don't do that everyday. This post is not to show how much I love my mom or vice-versa because it would be foolish of me to do that for the simple reason that mother-son relationship and love is beyond expressions, beyond words in general and for me in particular.

My mom was 16 when she was just out of the depression of her father's untimely demise which struck her big-time. Once a bright student and a career oriented person, she could not cope with up the depression, pressure, lack of exposure, direction, sponsorship and ended up being a 10th fail student before she got married at 16. When I was born, she was 17 years old. Yes, you read it right.

She started a new life with new ambition and that was to provide me a life which she always wanted and dreamt for herself. But she was naive enough to ward off all kinds of hardships and humiliations she faced. At 17, with no much social sense, contacts, street smartness, education, support, knowledge, legacy she had to face a mammoth task of fighting against all odds and raising me to make her dreams come true. So her second life literally started with my birth. So it would be apt to say that me and my mom grew together :)

In another two years, my sister was born and at 19, my mom was a mother of two. Then she realized she had to grow beyond her capabilities and constraints to understand what was right for us. The lady who was matriculation failed before marriage, with her iron will, took up education along with us. In the next fifteen years of continuous education, attending colleges, courses she completed her BA, CLSc, BLSc, typewriting lower, higher and took a part-time vocation of tutoring 10 school students upto their 10th class. This was to improve her own knowledge which she missed during her education, to develop her communication and add up few quick bucks. Later, nothing stopped her from grabbing a job as a librarian at Osmania University Engineering college and thus started her career at 31 and she didn't look back since then.

Now when I meet kids of next generation, I feel left out and unmatched to their body language, exposure and acumen. But my mom was always ahead of her next generation. Lot of people would be surprised to know that my mom taught me how to use a computer. She knew MS Office well before I knew how to switch on the computer. She created her email id well before I knew what was internet. Even today she explains nuances of using internet which I didn't know earlier. We started watching cricket since 1987 world cup and since then she has been a cricket maniac more than me.

In recent movies like Taare Zameen Par or 3 Idiots, it was shown that parents should not direct children in their education, but I'm glad my mom did that for me. She was more informed, knowledgeable and dynamic enough to research and direct me in the way which was beneficial for me. She researched every college I applied for including intermediate, engineering, MBA and even US universities I applied for MS. Everything worked out only to my benefit. The only thing I couldn't agree to her direction was when she wanted me to pursue IAS seriously. I felt I'm not intellectually and morally made to get into that direction but my mom had supreme confidence in my general knowledge and aptitude :)

My mom's contribution to my professional success has been matchless and am sure nobody else would have been luckier than me. But what I learnt from her just by observing her has been much more. So her impact on my personal life, social presence and behavior has been immense and those who know both of us can vouch for that :)

Her social presence is immaculate and I didn't see anybody in my life who could steal the show or limelight in her presence. Period ! We all are used to the kind of insecurity she imparts on her peers, colleagues and we are equally habituated to awe my friends and my sister's friends express when they meet my mom. Neither me nor my sister inherited her charm, wit and that unique quality of being a cynosure in social circles.

Her confidence has been supreme and we never witnessed any moment when she was afraid of anybody in her whole life. Her "care a damn" attitude is something I emulate sub-consciously. She never taught me to be a fighter, but just showed me what it is all about and I went on to follow her and here I'm.

Unlike orthodox mothers, my mom was always supportive of love marriages and she was more than happy when I introduced my wife (then gf) to her. Rather my mom was relieved as she didn't have to accompany me in rating girls whom we stare at in malls or public places :D...She was such a friend that I stopped calling her amma and addressed her with her petname, Bujji for past many years :)

She went out of her way to make her daughter-in-law comfortable as she was wary of apprehensions a girl comes with when she enters her husband's house. The only person whom I'm afraid of in this world is my mom and the only person who is not afraid of my mom is my wife because of the comfort level they share and the pampering she receives from my mom :D

Thanks to her early marriage, she's done with her responsibilities as my sister's marriage and my marriage happened by the time my mom turned 44. She became a grand mother at 46. Now she is busy pursuing her hobbies like reading, traveling. She traveled more than me. She saw every place in US which I saw and most places in Canada and more than what I have seen in India. Last month my parents have been to North India trip which they planned and executed meticulously. As always, she didn't depend on her children to research, book hotels and packages through web and discover new places and am so proud of her :) This is something I want to emulate again :D

So my mom is not only about the motherly love but also about being a lifetime friend who grew with me, who molded an attitude for herself which I couldn't resist but follow. She has been my lifeline, my happiness has been directly proportional to her happiness and well being. Some people tried to tease me that am momma's boy without realizing that I take pride in being my momma's boy :)

Bujji, I know telling you that I love you is an understatement, but can't resist as there is no better phrase coined yet. Love you not just for being for me, but for being in me. Happy Mother's Day. As always, miss being with you !

PS: Festive season is soon going to start in my household

May 11 - My marriage anniversary
May 14 - My sister's marriage anniversary
May 16 - My parents' marriage anniversary

All set for varothsavalu :) and am looking forward to sharing more posts about my family in coming blog-posts. Get ready for the assault :D