Dear Bachchoos,
Last time I wrote an open letter to you was over 4 years ago (Link Here) when I wanted to tell you a lot but knew you were too young to understand any. Hope you read through these open letters when you grow older.
Today I want to tell you about the biggest paradox of life. In your 20's you will have energy and time but will be short of money. When you get to 40's, you may have money and a bit of energy but won't have time and when you get to 60's, you will have money and time but not the energy.
The entire world is functioning on this paradox and the shocking fact is everyone believes this is normal. I have been trying to break this mould and I want you both to push the envelope further because we don't want to repent on our death beds.
There is no single formula to break the mould but can be achieved by a lifestyle based on some set of values and facts I want to share with you today:
1. Respect people
You would meet many people at every juncture of your life. Tring to create a positive impact on as many people as possible should be your way of life because if someone associates you with some positive experience, they will remember you for life. Do not build good relationships just as some business investment but be genuinely interested in people. Respect them, like them and tell them how important have they been in your journey. Creating and developing positive relations is a superpower. Trust me, that took me to places.
Yes, you would also face many negative, thankless people who take your respect for granted but they will be far outnumbered by good people. Afterall the world is a beautiful place.
2. Don't be arrogant
Pop culture has somehow turned arrogance into an attractive trait but there's a huge problem with that. Arrogance means confidence beyond one's abilities. If you throw around your weight without backing up with capabilities and skills, you would be loathed and things would turn downside at some point.
But how about building skills and yet keeping yourself grounded ? Isn't that more attractive.
Also there is a difference between being bold and reckless. There is a difference between being straightforward and harsh. A subtle thin line you need to know how to tread on.
3. Tackle Low Self Esteem
Lot of people lead a luxurious lifestyle disproportionate to their paychecks. They want to buy entry level cars of some luxury brand because they want to flaunt the brand, they buy expensive handbags which would be more worth than the cash or debit cards within. Such people want to show they are rich because they want to impress and seek validation from others. This is a low self esteem issue.
Never ever do anything to attract, impress others especially when you do not have the means. A simple rule is that you should never buy anything you can't afford to buy twice. Being rich is important, looking rich is not.
Another classic case of low esteem is taking extreme pride in their religion, caste, favorite actor and some group identity. If someone identifies themselves more with the group than their own abilities, they lack self esteem. You do not have to be ashamed or defensive about your roots or your favorites but make it clear that your future self is your favorite and you are your number one hero. There is nothing to take pride in someone else's achievements just because they belong to your demographic set.
4. Help Others
Try helping others within your means without any expectations or virtue signaling and see the reaction in their eyes. That's precious. Simple biochemistry says that when you make others happy, you generate oxytocin and dopamine which are the hormones related to love and pleasure. These will generate positivity within that could do wonders in your thought process and confidence. So help others for yourself and not for them.
But the worst thing you can do is to expect them to acknowledge your help or return the favor.
5. Controlled aggression
Aggression is important but that should be within you not to be shown around. Your aggression should be channelized into something worthwhile. If you have anger or aggression within, begin a new task and prove it to yourself.
There's a funda that your life will be good if you start something new every month. Again that's possible only if you are surrounded by correct set of people.
6. Don't be busy
Many people earn money but they trade their time instead and when they look back, all they find is their hard work and bills they paid. Life is a sumtotal of experiences and money should only be a catalyst not the destination. Money is of course important but if you miss all the fun in your pursuit of money, it's not worth it.
So how to earn money without being busy ? By being efficient
7. Be efficient, not perfect
Perfectionists would never be happy and there is no end to perfection. If you need 10 hours to do a perfect job to earn $10 and if you need 2 hours to do a mediocre job to earn $5, which would you pick ? You would be a fool if you picked the first option. Invest minimum effort and time to generate as much as you can and use the saved time in some other initiative.
There is one more secret many won't tell you: You will attain perfection by repeatedly doing the same mediocre thing again and again. So don't wait for perfection to begin anything.
8. High pressure mindset
Some people find my working on multiple projects surprising. But there's a secret to that. They see me working on 5 projects but actually I would have initiated 25 projects and end up with 5. Human mind is an amazing machine and if you subject it to high pressure environment and make it work on multitasking, it gets sharper and shrewder. It's very similar to the muscles that grow upon subjecting to exponential overload.
So get out of your comfort zone and take up multiple tasks. Even if you do your 9-5 job, your mind and body can still accept lot more pressure, just that you need to surround with right kind of people.
9. Be communicative
If you ask me one skill that changed my life upside down, that's communication. Not that I am exceptionally communicative, but I can manage to explain my thoughts lucidly to my listeners and this helped me in both personal and professional lives. And no this is not something I was blessed with naturally. I slogged for it.
There were days when I dreaded seminars and public speaking but it took me years of writing, reading, listening, building vocabulary that started reaping rewards now. You would be doing a great disservice to yourself if you believe things will fall in place for you. You need to work for it and communication skills will take you a very very long way. So buckle up.
10. Letting go
Life is a series of battles. You will win some battles and will lose some. You will lose loved ones too at some point. Sometimes letting go is as important as holding back.
There is a 2 year rule that says if a loss does not bother you anymore after 2 years, it's not worth clinging to. The only thing that will affect you beyond 2 years is your health, money and family. Everything else will have an expiry day. Brace up.
More gyaan in the next letter. Hope it doesn't take another 4 years.
Love
