Open letter to my Kids - 1

Dear Bachchoos,

Since you are too young to understand big people stuff like wisdom and life, I'm writing this in a hope that someone would show this article to you when you grow if I'm not around. Generations evolve by gaining wisdom out of their parents' experience and it's my turn to tell you few things which I learnt it hard way, so that you don't make the same mistakes I did.

• Never get into revenge mode:

You would face many situations when you get angry, upset, outraged on others and your first reaction would be retaliation on the perpetrators. That's a bad idea because after you take your sweet revenge and look back, you would not have gained anything substantial for yourself except that insignificant sense of fake triumph. Rather try to channelize that anger, insult and outrage into ruthless passion and breach a new frontier. Every time I managed to do something, I used the anger in my mind as a fuel. Trust me, that works.

• You can't control others' impression about you

You can't cultivate or control an image about yourself. You must understand that as you grow leaps and bounds, you will attract hatred, criticism. In the world of internet to spread information and tools to edit almost anything, all it takes is a figment of imagination of your hater to slander, gossip or mud-sling at you without remorse. You can go only up to a certain level to defend or explain yourself and later you have to leave it at others' discretion. Negativity is attractive, can be spread faster, easier and can never be eliminated from people's minds even if you disprove everything. So my kids, the world is ruthless. Brace up ! 

• Avoid negative people

Even though some people don't hate you, they carry certain negative energy. If you have a means to resolve their temporary issues, go ahead. But if they are chronic complainers, whiners, pessimists, sympathy seekers and those who expect you to justify yourself all the time - AVOID THEM gradually. You are who you hang out with. The negativity rubs off to you making your life more miserable than it is. Instead if you talk to thinking people, nerds, innovators, those with high aims: trust me their positivity is infectious. The choice you have is a no brainer.

• Maturity is all about reacting to situations

People mellow down as they grow older not just because they get physically weaker but they begin choosing what to react and what not to. Teenagers or mid 20's kids tend to get hyper reactive because that's when they think the world is at their feet and they are invincible or because they aren't wary about consequences to their reactions. Understand that you are free to behave anyway you want but not free to avoid consequences of your deeds, words or to put it simple your reactions to situations. So react cautiously.

• Try to be innovators and entrepreneurs

The world saw very less of leaders and hordes of followers because most want security and make a living by working for others. I will try my best so you don't have to work for your livelihood. Dream high, so high that people around you ridicule and laugh at you first. Identify your passion, learn the craft and try to innovate or make a mark in the field not to gain appreciation of the world but to avoid any repentance during your last days. Zindagi milegi na dobara and I don't want you to waste this precious life of yours slogging in uninteresting jobs to make a living.

• Money is important

Yes, love is important but money is important too. Money gives you flexibility and luxury to love, live, make decisions, turning dreams to reality. People take you seriously when they know you have the ability to earn; not that you need anybody's approval but getting noticed by some people works for you (both personally and professionally). Always analyze how to turn your passion or hobby into a revenue model and then scale it up to greater heights. Saving money is as important as earning. Investing money so your money earns more money is the key you would want to learn early in your life.

• Health is more important than anything else

Even if money, love, success make one's life easy and happy, do you think one can enjoy those when they know they have a life threatening illness or an impending health hazard ? No money or clout in the world can save anybody from a health hazard and you need to keep yourself away from foods, habits, environment or situations within your control which could cause any kind of harm to you (physical or mental). 

• Addictions start harmless

Every addiction has a harmless start. Your peers and friends would inspire, challenge or introduce something apparently adventurous but enjoyable addiction to you which you may think would be easy to control or regulate later. Once you strike a liking to that addiction, you'll only find excuses and reasons to go back to that and soon you'll see you don't control your craving anymore because your central nervous system would't work without that inducement. It could be smoking, alcohol, drugs, gambling, betting or any such vice. Self-control doesn't work once your nervous system takes shots. Beware.

• Express your love

If you like somebody, express that in your gestures, behavior and words in right context. Everybody in this world likes to be loved and when they reciprocate upon your expression, life would be happy. But at the same time, don't expect everybody you like to like you back. If they don't, respect their opinion and stop spending your energy and time on them, yet keeping that liking alive.

• Don't be a bully

Bullying others is easy. But every thug will have a bigger scoundrel harassing them. For everybody wielding a stick, there will be somebody with a knife, and above them will be somebody brandishing a gun who will be scared of a terrorist. Victimizing innocuous people to show off your power or clout will someday result in you being victimized by a bigger bully than you. Never ever get into that territory, it's not worth it.

• Don't argue for unnecessary beliefs

Throughout your life, you'll be surrounded by people believing in different political ideologies, religions, lifestyles and opinions. Come to terms that diversity is the way of the world and never get into arguments nor try to convince somebody about your points of view. After putting your efforts in winning an argument, what do you gain out of that ? NOTHING. So only argue when your personal life or money or relationships are at stake. For all other arguments, just be an audience with popcorn.

• Don't underestimate anybody

Never be complacent or too proud of yourself. There are many people more intelligent and successful than you who just don't show off. Behaving with vain and conceit is annoying. Always respect everybody younger, or those with lesser means, less educated or not as confident as you are because you never know inherent skills, exposure or talent of a certain person based on their appearance or behavior. Try to learn or find inspiration from each one of them and realize the world is too big and your life too small to be overconfident.

My Dear Son,

• My father taught how not to be a male-chauvinist by example and I hope to inspire you. So always understand that your girl(s) are not your property. You don't own them. You are not entitled enough to dictate terms to them. Love more than anything else conquers women.
• Be a responsible man. Girls may appear to be attracted to charming, funny, handsome boys, but they want to marry a man who can be responsible for her and her to-be kids. You must keep your girl secure first and if you are charming with good sense of humor, that's bonus.

My Dear Daughter,

• You don't have to live with a feeling that you need protection from somebody else. I will raise you a strong girl who could take her decisions, stand by her ideals just like your mother. Also you don't have to comply with the society's demands of how girls should behave or dress as long as you have clarity and sense of thought.
• We all come from a school of thought that men and women are equal in every way and we call it egalitarianism, and not feminism. Hope you grow wise enough to understand the difference. Hate-mongering or prejudice of any kind is a big NO.

Other important suggestions to both of you

• Try to cultivate three hobbies - one to earn money, second to keep your creativity alive and third to keep yourself fit and free of unwanted fat.
• To achieve anything maintain consistency and discipline. Many people dream high and start well, but lack of consistency is the difference between achievers and random day dreamers.
• Fast decision making makes strong leaders. And know how to learn from your bad decisions.
• Don't let others dictate if you should be confident or not. Don't let others opinion affect your confidence

Each pointer I wrote in this post was addressed elaborately in one of the articles written and published by me earlier in this blog. I will keep writing more until I'm physically and mentally sane and sound so that you have my thoughts, ideas, words, guidance, presence around you beyond my existence.

PS:  I love you both more than anything in this universe. Hope you know your father always stands like a wall behind you. Whenever you face any hardship, take it for granted that I will always be around guiding you how to handle but I want you to develop skills and attitude where you don't need my guidance. 

Daddy's Diaries - 2

Ever since my son entered our lives exactly 4 months ago, my life ceased to be the same. Now, I wake up in the morning to see his giggles; I defer my plans to see what dress he wears every day after shower, I wait patiently while he's been fed so I could take him in my arms, I aim to return from work early with a hope that he would recognize me and flashes a big smile as he always does; I wait for his playtime to take his videos, capture pictures, play with him with his favorite stuffed toys, look forward to hug him tight when he retires to bed and see his innocence once he slips into slumber. Life has been kind to me !

Before he was born, I used to get mad at all curious "elders" who wondered why weren't we planning for babies. I was clearly not ready as I was scared of losing personal space and "enjoyment". But it took us parents' concern, well-wishers' advices and society's "suspicions" to go for the big change. Looking back, I wonder, what enjoyment was I clinging to when the biggest enjoyment of life is through a little somebody who looks at me, smiles endearingly, holds my finger with his cutesy hands, tries to put it in his mouth :)

I knew a lot of doting mommies and daddies who never got tired of narrating anecdotes of their little ones' acts with unflinching enthusiasm; I thought I would never do that in order to spare my single or uninterested friends; I've been trying to maintain that but its so damn hard. How can anybody contain splurge of emotions, tsunami of happiness without sharing with their loved ones. Damn ! Respect to all those parents and I promise hereafter I would listen to all those stories with matching enthu...take my word !

Whenever I'm low, I just have to hold Bunty's hands and kiss on his cheek, he will scream with joy, always (and so will I); when he cries, I just have to take him into arms and show his favorite "Simba" soft toy, he instantly chuckles (but sometimes cries because simba didn't take him into its arms); he gets ecstatic when anybody hugs him tightly and kisses his cheek; he loves standing on his tiny feet when held and also takes baby steps on his parents and grand parents; he attentively listens to music and believes his mommy or papa were singing the song; makes faces after eating sour baby-food, poses to camera very well, enjoys drives but grunts when the car had to be stopped at traffic lights, enjoys evening strolls so that he could watch trees and squirrels; loves talking, loves company, loves display of affection....I can go on and on..

It's always heard, read that parents' love is supreme over everything else in the world. I'm experiencing that now. We tend to expect, if not demand, our parents, partners, friends, relatives etc to behave or respond to us in a certain way otherwise it affects the equation, which means those relationships are conditional to an extent. The only love which is and can be unconditional is parents' love towards children as parents turn, change, steer their lives and lifestyles so that their children are happy and comfortable. Now when I'm a dad and doing all this, this ain't sacrifice or anything noble, it's just my selfishness to see my son happy because his happiness automatically tunes happiness in me. That's love and that's a miracle. I'm experiencing the MIRACLE.

I beam with pride whenever a fleeting stranger compliments him as a handsome boy, feel so complete when he stops crying when I touch him. His confidence in my touch and care makes me feel like the strongest person on the planet. His mere presence in my life made me more matured, mellowed, responsible, secure and proud. He's 4 months old today.

I love / adore him is an understatement. Words can't always translate emotions. Wish my baby grows fast, interacts more so that his papa can show him his love, as he is left with no more words now. Can't wait, my boy !

Daddy's Diaries - 1

Ever since my bachpan I always wondered why people (in movies and real world as well) get ecstatic, excited when a little one is born. It took over 2 days to come to terms, sink in a feeling that I became a dad and that a certain little man arrived into this world taking my blood, genes and life into him. Aahhh !

It took me 32 years to understand what it takes to feel the world in your arms. That cosy embrace from a 2-day-old who looks into your eyes as if he's saying "I trust you, dad" - beats the biggest happiness and richest luxury. That's just worth a lifetime of waiting.

Since the time my wife got pregnant, we and the entire family were curious about how he would look, behave, whose looks and features he would inherit and we were desperate to skip few weeks to see the baby ourselves, if possible. May be the little one heard our inner voices, he didn't wait for too long as if he was prepared to get into our world of joy asap. May 07, 2012 - a day I can never take off my mind hereafter is the eventful day which arrived much in advance than the scheduled day. We rushed to hospital at 4:30 am and had our baby before our eyes at 9:44 pm.

The moment the little one arrived, we both went blank, we could neither think or feel anything. Hema didn't say a word for 15 mins as she was in trance and I didn't know what to say or how to react. It took an entire battery of doctors, nurses, staff congratulating us and few drops of tears to shrug off the statue mode to meet our destiny.

Honestly, that day I was happier and relieved that my wife came out of the process unscathed. Though I know every woman goes through this pain to deliver a baby, I had a tough time seeing my wife go through that hardship. I'm not a hospital person but here I was made to hold my wife and assist in delivering a baby in the birthing suite. Man, that was not easy, but it made me realize what a woman goes through to bring happiness into the family. Internet sources say that a human body can bear only upto 45 Del (unit) of pain but at the time of childbirth, a woman feels upto 57 Del of pain which is similar to 20 bones getting fractured at a time. My wife experienced this pain without any epidural or pain killer.

After her months of pregnancy, controlled diet, weight issues, and many common fetus / baby related precautions, measures, medicines and finally this childbirth trauma, I'm here reaping the benefits :) Now I began to love, respect my wife and mother even more. I don't think they can ask for a better gift on Mother's day which is around the corner :)

My dad was beaming with pride that somebody was here to take his lineage on :) and my mom who was with me in the labor room for a while was uncontrollably ecstatic at the first sight of her grand-son. They both helped me shift gears from labor-room stress to childbirth excitement. My in-laws, sister were sounding overwhelmingly happy and desperate to see the baby. But I didn't dare to take my son into arms as yet.

As of then calls, messages, best wishes started pouring in from all ends but I was unable to come out to normalcy by then. The hospital staff who were cordial, caring and very polite comforted me and my wife with their genuine glee. They had the policy to address newborn's parents as mom and dad and some 10-20 people among the staff addressed me as "dad" which rather helped me stand on my feet and accept the pleasant reality that YAYYYYY, I'M A DAD ! The kind of treatment (both medical and human) by the hospital staff was so congenial that we felt completely at home and we're glad that our boy's born there among positive vibes. Will be thankful to them, forever for whatever they have done to us.

The next day was a bit different as I woke up from a slumber and realized what my priority should be - yes, my baby, my son ! Everytime I saw him move, cry, yawn, sneeze, frown (which he's now popular for) - some unknown spark was passing through me. I simply can't explain that in words.

Last night (a couple of hours ago), a nurse helped me in holding the baby.....Initially I wanted to hold only for few minutes till he cries for milk or something. As soon as he came into my arms, he opened his eyes wide and sported an expression as if he understood everything I spoke. I had been speaking to him when he was in his mommy dearest tummy. May be he recognized the ever familiar voice (or may be that's what I feel to keep myself happy :)). I SPOKE TO HIM FOR 45 MINS FLAT and he listened to me with eyes wide open, looking into my eyes with frowns, expressions and mouth agape. All that I told him was how much I waited for that moment, how much he meant to me, what were the moments I was waiting for in future, what should he call me and ended the conversation with a couple of lullabies after which he promptly slipped into sleep :)

Now the feeling sunk in, the bonding started. In hardly 48 hours, I felt mellowed down and the world started looking much more beautiful, happening and exciting. It was not just a childbirth but also birth of a dad. And the baby better know that his dad can do any damn thing to keep his life happy...and I meant ANYTHING. As of now, I'm waiting to change his diapers, feed him, comfort him when he cries, take him for evening strolls and make myself his addiction and him mine.

Incidentally tomorrow (May 11th) is our 5th marriage anniversary and we were earlier planning for something big, but now something so big happened that everything needs to just wait :D We don't need a bigger gift for our anniversary, my wife can't ask for a better way to celebrate her first ever mother's day on May 13th. My sister's anniversary (May 14th) and parents' anniversary (May 16th) are now more special thanks to Mr. Little Someone.

Last but not the least, I felt overwhelmed with the kind of best wishes and greetings I received from loved ones who visited us in the hospital, wished us on phone, email, text messages, facebook and other media. I believe the positive vibrations and cheerful glee brought by such genuine and affectionate wishes make our happy moments even more special. I promise I'll reply to each one of them and will share pictures of the baby very soon. Since it was an early birth, doctors suggested us to keep the baby under observation for few days. We are waiting for that observation period to end to take good pictures. But let me tell you there are polarized opinions about whom he looks more like :)

Regarding the name, we again have polarized opinions but we're sure, we'll reach to a unanimous choice by this mother's day and his mom will announce the name. Thanks to all those who showed interest in knowing his name but a 2-day wait won't be too long :)

Finally, a request to all my well-wishers, friends, family, cousins and loved ones: please bestow your blessings on our little one that he should lead a very happy, successful, lovable life ahead; he needs those blessings for a peaceful life and to ward off all buri nazar without trace; and also wish me and my wife a very good luck in this new journey. Your good wishes and blessings mean a lot.

With Love