Love, Pyar, Prema etc

Warning: This is a long post aimed at all those single / committed / unmarried boys and girls who have to know a lot about love, marriage, life. Please don't bother if you don't have much time or if you are not interested in this topic :)

Love makes life beautiful and saying this now is a cliché. The word love is a euphemism for a variety of emotions and expressions like liking, affection, infatuation, impression, care, attraction, lust etc. In one of my previous posts (Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage) I presented my thoughts on what love is, but in this post am referring to the kind of relationship boys and gals enter into before marriage.

Almost everybody close to me has been in some kind of relationship / feeling before their marriage. Some acknowledge and some don't :) There were four consequences for such relationships

1. Converting the relationship into a successful marriage
2. Converting the relationship into a marriage, but not so successful
3. Could not convert the relationship into marriage and got depressed
4. Could not convert the relationship into marriage and are happy now :)

Interesting part here is that those who failed in their love stories don't know that option 2 ever exists and those who converted their love stories into successful marriage don't know that option 4 exists, which mean to say that options 2 and 4 are far overlooked, especially by my unmarried friends, and hence this post :D

Those who are immersed in love with somebody before marriage always dream about a happy fairy tale kinda life post their marriage and thats quite natural. Love really makes their life beautiful because of these dreams of togetherness and a lifetime of bliss. 

Its not very easy for every couple to convert their beautiful dreams into reality because a lot of times, when a boy and gal fall in love with each other, they are so attracted to each other that they subconsciously never put their worst sides before their lover. Both present their best sides and thus made to believe that their partner will be the same throughout, which is not the case in most of the cases. To make their dreams a reality, they have to understand that getting married is not the only solution for this, but they have to continuously understand, accept, support, respect each other after marriage too.

This works and worked for me, touchwood !

I was browsing through the news websites and saw that Chiranjeevi's daughter Srija's marriage is in trouble. After that cinematic revolution and hoisting the flag of love, something has seriously gone wrong now. This is not a rare situation. We find a lot of similar cases in our day to day life. I have seen my very close and loved ones going through this. Hence its not certain that if a couple gets married after their love story, they are happy. Hope all my friends out there who are going through failed love stories find some solace out of this :)

So I take the liberty of reiterating the same old golden rule to all my unmarried / single / committed friends out there. If you like somebody, if you love somebody, be yourself and present your good and bad sides, see if you can accept your gf/bf's good and bad sides before getting into any commitment, because you can't act or tolerate something for the whole life. Its better than going through a bad marriage or a bad break up.

Another rule is never assume you will be happy if you are getting married to your love. The person may change, may show his/her other side, other colors which you may not appreciate. So if you revolt against your parents and loved ones who accept you for whatever you are, just think twice. Liking somebody and being happy with somebody are completely, ridiculously and insanely different. Not understanding this silly point is the reason for the option 2 mentioned earlier in this post.

Break-up management:

It sounds like an MBA concept, but its pure common sense. Not everybody would be lucky to be successful in their love story, but that doesn't mean they are unlucky. May be they are lucky that it didn't work :)

I always feel good for people who break up before even thinking about marriage. Its a blessing in disguise rather than realizing that after marriage and kids naah ! If a boy and a girl like each other, get into a relationship and later face compatibility issues, its better to break up. If you try harder and make it work somehow, both have to live along with such incompatibility for the whole life. Life is too short and too beautiful to waste for somebody you can't live with.

A promise of love and even some physical intimacy should not be hurdles for breaking up with consensus. Lifetime of pain is not worth anything. Yes, it hurts to part ways but a relationship of few months or few years is not as important as your life in next 6-7 decades. Just understand that the person you are going to marry is somebody who is going to give you identity, security, stability, responsibility, love, support, family and everything in your life. Thats far far far more important than ANYTHING before marriage.

Its a happy ending for a love story if both break up with consensus. But the real pain lies in a break-up from one side and agony on another. Thats a real hell.

But just understand that if somebody didn't feel like spending their rest of his/her life with you, its not that you can't be happy with anybody else. It definitely doesn't mean you are not good. You are judged by somebody possibly based on some very unimportant thing. If somebody judges a fish by its ability to climb a tree, whose mistake is that ??

Realize that love stories that end up in marriage are not always successful and love stories which don't end in marriage are not always failures. Life is too important to worry about a silly relationship or commitment you got into for few months. Everybody is destined to get his / her soul-mate who is made exclusively for them. If your love story is a failure, realize that the person was not your soul-mate and you are lucky to realize that before hand. Just wait for the best to happen.

Love as what you understand is not love in the first place. You fall in love only with the person of opposite sex who belongs to your age group only because you dream to live with him / her and lead a happy life. So you don't know if your reality would be as good as those dreams or worse or better. Its a hypothesis. If dreams are shattered, would not you wake up ??? So ruining your precious youth, family life, friends, affection you are coming across from various ends just for a sake of a looser who ditches you is very unwise and immature. Understand that there would be lot of people out there who want to see you happy, smiling and playful.

Your reality may be better than your dreams. Who knows :)

I really wish all those who get married with your love lead a successful married life and all those who could not convert your love into marriage also to lead a successful married life (with somebody else, who turns out to be your soul-mate).