Dhurandhar - More than just a masterpiece

• I love 'The Godfather' for the intense drama and explosive dialogues that escalate unpredictably.
• I love 'Game of thrones' for it's power politics and it's portrayal of betrayal, alliances and opportunism.
• I love 'Breaking bad' for the character arc, situations that transform the person between rising stakes.
• I love Bahubali and RRR for the grandeur in vision, scene construction and giving a high every 10 minutes.
• I love Sandeep Vanga's movies for the rawness in conversations and characterization of spiraling down anti-heroes.
• I love Imtiaz Ali's movies for the progression of human emotions and saga of self-discovery.
• I love Quentin Tarantino's movies for aesthetic glorification of violence, retro music placements, pop culture references and immersive non-linear narratives.
• I love David Fincher's movies for the discomforting suspense aided by terrific background music, shot composition and shot division.
• I love Martin Scorsese's (and earlier RGV) movies for showing the other side of gangsters and anti-social protagonists as humans with wide range of emotions.
• I love Chris Nolan's movies that make audiences work to comprehend the layers in each scene.
• I love Spike Lee's movies that came out of his own pain, suffering and lifelong trauma.

Did I expect all these flavors and styles to converge in one single movie ? No

Did I happen to watch one  Yes. Dhurandhar (Second part to be specific)

So much is already spoken about the movie, scenes, dialogues, music, characters, memes that repeating those all over again is unnecessary. But I would want to pen down my notes as how the movie affected me as a regular movie-buff, a conscious observer of world affairs and a hobby filmmaker in three different ways.

Dhurandhar & Movie Buff in me

There are many trendsetting movies but there are very few generation defining movies like Sholay, Satya, Dil Chahta Hain, Bahubali that break the status quo and make audience realize that they were fed sub-standard non-sense until then. 

I loved 'Animal' for all the style, performances, breaking many cinematic rules and many other reasons but when I saw that again after D2, I was appalled at my own senses and then realized a certain Aditya Dhar increased my viewing standards and decreased tolerance levels for anything lesser. 'RRR' is a masterpiece for all the reasons but the very dramatization of Rajamouli's scenes I loved looked a bit melodramatic and hero-worship inducing after Dhar made a perfect character driven meets plot driven extravaganza.

I already watched D2 twice in theatre but recollecting some scenes and shots tempt me to watch it again for all the hidden layers, easter eggs and 'peak detailing' prowess at full display. This was not just a movie but a rude awakening to my mind which was conditioned for relatively inferior content.

Sometimes I feel awkward for simping over a movie that doesn't add any value to my life. But I can't resist and neither can the entire country and diaspora that are so engulfed in the dopamine tsunami created by Dhurandhar that nobody appears to bother about impending IPL or the recent world cup win. I witnessed the euphoria around blockbusters earlier, but this is mass hysteria. 

The movie that is banned in 7 countries is also the most pirated movie that garnered cult following in Pakistan. It's not surprising as the gang wars and political landscape of Lyari reminds many of Satya that once showed that gangsters could be humans too with their own vulnerabilities, love life, friendships and emotional turmoil. By that yardstick, Dhar gave Pakistan their own Satya. 

The gore and violence is a bit uninhibited but when the stakes are ramped up, emotions are stoked, violence appears tolerable because humans experience emotions vicariously. A bad guy tortured could relieve and tame our internal demons. Violence is despicable only when it is catered to salivating incels with potboilers like Hit 3 and a string of ill-cooked wannabes post 'Animal'.

It could be just me but all the retro nostalgic parade of 90's songs brought out a child in me as my friends and I grew up with those songs. The concept of placing retro songs, curated BGM for action episodes is sheer genius for the audience subjected to stock dishoom dishoom sounds when a hero punched 20 people who fly in the air like mosquitoes.

Dhurandhar is one movie that not just broke the so-called Bollywood's monopolized crap but also broke the genres making it the only Spy-Gangster-Geopolitical-Semi fictional-Patriotic-Revenge-Family-Musical Drama that combined both character driven and plot driven styles of filmmaking.

As much as I love Ranbir Kapoor for all the intense roles he delivered, I thought Ranveer Singh nailed it the way nobody could be imagined in his shoes. Kamal Haasan was claimed as thespian of actors but I only felt he was decorated because of the variation in his roles and never saw the intensity of a Ranbir Kapoor or an Amitabh Bachchan in him. Now Ranveer Singh with his chameleon like variation across Gully Boy, Padmavat, Bajirao, Rocky Rani and now Dhurandhar - proved to be among the greats of Indian cinema. 

Dhurandhar & Geopolitics Enthusiast in me

Since I was ten years old, I have been disproportionately enthusiastic about current affairs, news and geo-politics. I vividly remember every impactful incident since Rajiv Gandhi was the PM of India. I lived to witness how Babri demolition, Bombay Stock Exchange blasts, Dawood Ibrahim being at large, BJP's revival, AB Vajpayee and Kargil War, Godhra burning of train and the subsequent riots, 2008 Mumbai attacks and the rest shaped today's India. I had voracious appetite for news concerning terrorist and counter-terrorist machinery.

Watching all the incidents in a semi-fictionalized version in a well concocted piece of art was like traveling through a time machine. The director gave a canvas and colors to my own small imagination in a way that my entire childhood and youth were exported into 4K now. This movie feels like a personal victory.

Talks about propaganda are unavoidable but if we analyze keenly, the entire infiltration of Hamza, intelligence of Sanyal spanned from 2002 to 2016, the eras ruled by both Congress and BJP. The incidents reconstructed did actually happen, terrorist attacks did happen, governments did take action. So how did connecting all these real incidents with a fictional protagonist turn into propaganda ? 

Moreover if the detractors of the movie claim that counter-terrorist actions build credibility to BJP, it's their tacit approval that BJP is synonymous to counter-terrorism. The way the detractors and some random Youtube celebs equated patriotism with BJP could cause more harm to the opposition. Even if some dialogues are pro-Modi, the veracity of the incidents can't be denied. May be amplifying it could have caused some heartburn for few.

Aditya Dhar belongs to a Kashmiri Pandit family that was hounded out of their houses and towns. His harboring grudge is reasonable but his conviction of making an ensemble two part movie of almost 8 hours within an year and releasing them in a span of 4 months shows what all can a man with grudge in his heart, mission in his mind, courage in his actions could do. 

With 8 hours of content, he could have made 4 movies and made twice the money (and that's thousands of crores), but he chose to wrap it in 2 movies of almost 4 hours each thus also reducing the number of shows per day, without hiking the ticket prices. He forfeited thousands of crores to mass invigorate lakhs of people so they all could align with his mission and expose the ideology that caused him trauma. 

May be that was all about Honsla Eendhan Badla. 

After being pushed out of home town, he was booted out of Indian cricket selections by nepotistic selectors, he was pushed into fringes of film industry by opportunistic filmmakers who stole his scripts to make hundred crore grossing movies. But he did not turn bitter and anti-social. He just maintained his composure, rebuilt himself and waited for a right time, while being dyslexic all through.

May be that was all about Nazar aur Sabr.

May be he was Ghatak because he was Ghayal.

May be the reason it was named dhuran'DHAR'.

May be the movie was about himself that he wanted to be but could not be. But he won at the end.

Dhurandhar & Filmmaker in me

I'm such a hopeless movie buff that the first thing I designed when we planned to build a new house was the home theater. Those who know me would know that I am a hobby filmmaker but not for the fame or money or other perks but for my penchant to give life to the stories I create in my mind all the time. Every place I visit, every experience I face would invariably plant some idea in my mind and I spend months and sometimes years to marinate the scenes, conversations, characterizations. 

In my pursuit of discovering the entire filmmaking lifecycle from ideation to scriptwriting to pre-production to directing to filming to music to editing to promotions to release - I made one movie with iPhone and another with a DSLR. My friends always ask me if I would make more.

While I'm not as harmed or troubled as Aditya Dhar and neither am I supremely talented or resourceful, I conceived and wrote an English movie story set in a world political landscape that spans decades. The story is based on 20 years of my learning from world politics, human behavior and international cinema. Those few handful of my friends and associates whom I've narrated the story motivate me to begin the work but I know that would be a multi-million dollar project that could suck my emotions and energies in a never before way but would also bring the utmost satisfaction to me among anything I have done or will do in my life. 

Dhurandhar has stoked that fire and courage in me to invest money, time, efforts, pain to make my own small magnum-opus that would remain my legacy. Something people will remember me for long after I'm gone. Thank you, Aditya Dhar. 

How to not get 'provoked' by women wearing short clothes

I don't intend to chest-thump or virtue signal here but I've always been sensitive on the issue of eve teasing, moral policing and the entire concept of somebody passing sermons or judgements on how others should dress up. Small-time actor Shivaji's comments rattled me but the unprecedented support he had been receiving disgusted me, made me sick to my stomach and I've resorted to Instagram tirades to spew my repugnance. 

But I realized more than outrage, men need to be taught a very important lesson which has nothing to do with respecting women, consent or any other moral lecture. They instead need a short psychology lesson and here it is:

Women, on a macro level, are made to crave attention and validation. I know this statement might ruffle some feathers and there are some exceptions too. But the entire $650 billion global beauty industry including beauty products, nail salons, haircare, cosmetics etc thrive and survive because women love to look good and project themselves as beautiful or desirable in some way. That's psychology, anthropology, history and that will be future too, period !

Women show their desirability or beauty in many forms; it could be by projecting their clothes, tastes, affordability, lifestyle, talents, success or flaunting their body curves when they feel proud of their genetics, workouts or years of hard work and discipline. Men may feel attracted, repelled, provoked or consumed but they flaunt themselves only for the following reasons:

1. Women want to look beautiful when they see themselves in the mirror.
2. Women want to impress other women who they are inspired from or jealous of. 
3. Women want to show themselves off to men they like or they want to impress.

In this grand scheme of things, they don't even care or acknowledge the existence of creeps or self-proclaimed guardians of society or perverts who can't contain their hormones even in the civilized lawful world.

Imagine a world where girls aren't motivated to look good, flaunt their beauty and are made only to perform their duties, chase either material success, raise families or attain sub-conscious nirvana ! The world would not only be so insipid and bland but also men would lose the basic motivation to build, provide, earn and impress the women they are attracted to.

The world is a battlefield and if you are a man who are immensely attracted to or 'provoked' by some girl for her clothes, behavior or personality, the first and only thing you should worry about is to becoming worthy of her attention, acknowledgement through your own success story. You should be worthy enough to attract her senses by your abilities, earnings, personality, charm to make her feel comfortable and attracted to you.

If you are not made for that grit, and you are a short term dopamine addict who basks in your own comfort zone, you have a solution too: You can continue getting provoked, desire her in your dreams, go jerk off in your bathroom and repeat. You have a whole world of pornography to calm your organ and hormones down. 

Meanwhile the girls will find real men worth their attention and you will be left jerking off, fuming, shaming them, basking in the self-pity syndrome, delivering moral policing discourse for the remainder of your life. Choice is yours.

Dhurandhar vs Animal - Masculinity Masterclass

Were Sandeep Vanga's movies misogynistic ? No

Were they problematic ? Yes

Read on !

The lead characters in both 'Arjun Reddy' and 'Animal' were offensive, problematic, short-tempered

But the question I beg to ask is if they behave so only with their women ? If no, they are not misogynistic, period. Misogyny is selective hatred towards women but the Vanga protagonists are self-destructive narcissists who want to get things done their way without any empathy towards people around them or cognizance of consequences. Calling them misogynous is frivolous and misplaced activism. 

But these movies invoked two types of discomfort especially among cinegoers, social media and armchair warriors.

1. Misogynists, underconfident incels, male chauvinists, control freaks, borderline psychos, perverts misinterpreted masculinity as some violent, irresponsible, obnoxious man-child behavior. They derived an involuntary validation for their school of thought that women are inferior species who can be harassed, tormented or dominated.
2. Radical feminists, 'my life, my rules' kind of anti-familial and anti-social anarchists got a cue to demonize masculinity, judge those who don't align with their ideology with a blanket term 'toxic masculinity', and act as moral police to sermonize what kinds of art or filmmakers should be universally liked or disliked.

I do not conform with either of the above and want to call a spade, a spade.

I'm a firm believer and practitioner of freedom of speech and art; filmmakers should not be limited to any moral policing or the burden of societal reforms. Art must be limitless and free, just as the audience and connoisseurs are free to watch or deride.

When Sandeep Vanga made his movies, he wanted to present his version of over-the-top escapist masculine movies and many who watched resonated with his brand. I loved both 'Arjun Reddy' and 'Animal' for the craft, music, characterization and I honestly believe 'Animal' is one of the best movies made regardless of the moral compass as I always wanted to see a desi version of Quentin Tarantinesque landscape in India.

But since 'Animal' made a thousand crores, low IQ filmmakers jumped on the bandwagon and started making mindless exorbitantly violent and misogynist movies which were repellent and disgusting to the stomach. While Vanga's movies were more character driven, young faceless incel blokes and male chauvinists latched up the misplaced masculinity to the extent they even lauded nauseatingly misogynistic characters in recent movies like 'Telusu Kada', 'The Girlfriend', 'Court' etc.  For them masculinity was tantamount to toxic irresponsible harassment of women. That's where the problem begins.

Masculinity 101

I was always stuck monkey-balancing my personal ideology by resisting both woke feminists and male chauvinists because for me masculinity is neither shameful nor a privilege. I'm a firm believer of theory of evolution and the order of nature which made a certain section to be physically, mentally, emotionally, biologically responsible for building, protecting and providing.

This might sound as border-line mansplaining as the statement might infer that all women need protection or provision. Absolutely not. I'm surrounded by strong, independent, intelligent women and I take pride in their grit and success. Women by nature are emotionally more matured, mentally strong and hence can both nurture the world with their femininity and also build, provide and protect in the current civilized world. They are superior and more productive among the genders. Can men do everything the women can so effortlessly ? Not unless they are pushed to a situation of no choice.

The only way men can contribute to the society is to enable and empower women with the innate masculinity of protecting - not from the physical dangers but from the societal constraints. It's about providing them - not just the material needs but the environment in which they can thrive. It's about building systems that could empower them in creating more important things. Not because the women are in need, but because men can't do anything else.

Dhurandhar vs Animal : Masculinity Masterclass

Among the three pillars of masculinity - provide, protect & build - the current crop of men are more involved in building and providing because women or families don't need heroic protection from anybody anymore. 

Some men with higher testosterone levels feel deprived of the feeling of protecting or fighting. Such men derive second hand pleasure only from watching fictional characters fight for their families and communities. 'Animal' falls under the category of those men who could go to any lengths to protect his family. That invoked a vicarious pleasure in most men who needed an escapism from the metrosexual emasculation of the contemporary urban men. Dhurandhar, in certain sense, also offered this escapism through gritty violence and gore. Such movies cater to the core psychology of men.

But the problem with 'Animal' is it promoted unregulated fantastical aggression which made the salivating men subconsciously confuse the protection of family with irresponsible man-child persona. The protagonist appeared to protect but in the underbelly, did not bother about consequences, did not show responsibility and did not build or provide to the family. 

Dhurandhar scored right here. The first masterstroke of the director was to take any perceived misogyny away from masculinity by not tormenting any females but instead giving them more power to slap them. While it's a superbly made gripping thriller devoid of any sermons, the movie is all about hyper masculine men who were hell-bent on protecting and building communities through composure.

Hamza Ali (or Jaskirat Rangi), Ajay Sanyal were there to protect their country and they built a strategy. Rehman Dakait despite being a monster strengthened his community. Major Iqbal or SP Aslam did whatever they did to protect their country in their own ways and loyalties. They were all men's men who built their empires by destroying enemies and providing security to the communities that believed in them. More importantly, all of them were shown as calm, composed, calculating, intelligent, emotionally stable and responsible men who built, provided and protected. That's a masculinity masterclass.

A renowned professor and philosopher Jordan Peterson once said that harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a one who is dangerous, who can be harmful but can control the aggression to channelize energies and emotions to build, protect, provide to the world around him so they can lead a peaceful, happy and comfortable life. 

In real life, men do not have to be overtly dangerous or harmful. They just have to realize their role in the larger fabric of the society. If you are a man, don't let anybody taunt you about your masculinity. There's nothing shameful about it. At the same time, masculinity is not a privilege, its a duty. Perform it.

Travel Diaries 10: Kenya & Tanzania

It's been almost 3 years when we travelled to Iraq and Palestine when we realized that travelling in the true spirit was about visiting untreaded paths, living on the edge and getting out of the comfort zone. So this year we planned to do something crazy enroute our trip to India. We planned to visit two neighboring countries of India - Afghanistan and Pakistan.

The plan was to visit Buddhas of Bamiyan, Kabul, Harappa or MohenjoDaro to Lahore and then to enter India through Wagah border by foot. This was my dream since many years. But Pahalgam happened. Even if the Wagah border wasn't closed, I would have dropped the idea. The destiny had something else in store for us and we ended up booking tickets to another place - not as adventurous as Afghanistan - but a part of the world we never set out foot on, the culture and people we haven't rubbed our shoulders with yet. The sub-Saharan African countries Kenya & Tanzania to station ourselves at Maasai Mara Reserve, Serengeti National Park, Ngorongoro Crater and Mount Kilimanjaro.

Little did we know that Tanzania would end up being our unanimous 2nd best country among 58 countries we visited so far or that Kenya would open our eyes about the human -wildlife interaction and no way would we have imagined to come dauntingly close to death twice in ten days. Read on.

Imagine driving to a remote tent camp at twilight where the handler asks not to head out of the tent without an escort of a local Maasai tribesman with a stick and a whistle to ward off wild animals. Then imagine sleeping in a tent camp with a zipper fabric door and hearing lion roars throughout the night while the girls of the family sleeping in another tent at a distance. And should I mention the absence of Wi-Fi or any kind of communication network? 

Now imagine the safari driver being extra-diligent in the thick savannas of Maasai Mara reserve to show us the pride of lions and taking an off-trodden path only to get stuck in deep mud while the sun was contemplating to set down. And what would you feel when the ropes, hooks used by other trucks to tow the cruiser out of the mud snap while the darkness seeps in. How would you feel when tourists in other safari cruisers are more curious to take videos of our ordeal than to go look out for lions or leopards ? Some were perhaps even anxious if they could see lions approaching us in that travail.

Don't know about you but trust me - I felt a bit invincible and oddly nonchalant being on the blind spot of predators in the lion country of Maasai Mara, Kenya. THIS TIME FOR AFRICA. 

When my son was born, we decided to confer on him the experiences he would grow up with instead of material luxuries that he could take granted for. We continued the tradition with the little girl too. They did enjoy beaches, mountains, old towns, heritage, cultures, cuisines, monuments, wonders et.al., but the glow in their eyes when they saw a mother cheetah keeping vigil while her cubs were feeding on the gazelle their mother hunted for them was matchless. The moment of ebullience on their faces when some 40 massive elephants stood on the way of our vehicle as if they were making a point who the real boss was priceless.

A leopard leisurely feasting on the deer on a tree-top unconcerned about our cruiser truck on the ground, thousands of wildebeests migrating from Serengeti to Maasai Mara recreating the iconic scene of "The Lion King", the dreaded Nile crocodiles co-existing with their only killers, hippos in the Mara river, a pride of lions waiting patiently at the tree base for baboons on the trees that stayed still for hours reenacting the Mexican standoff scene in movies, a herd of elephants - including calves - walking on their path while a pride of lions watching them from a few feet away, hundreds of pink flamingoes blessing our eyes and senses - will remain etched forever in our minds. But if there's one moment I can pick of the 10 day expedition to Africa, that would be...

Second day of the exploration - we started early to spot lions on the prowl. While on the pursuit, we saw a dozen safari cruisers group up treading slowly. We were certain there was some activity around. Our driver was conscientious enough to take an alternate road to go opposite to the other vehicles head-on. The road took a sharp turn and the moment we turned, we rubbed our eyes out of disbelief.

THERE WERE OVER TEN LIONS WALKING TOWARDS OUR SAFARI CRUISER with the other cruisers behind driving the pride of lions towards us. And we saw the lions stare into our eyes in their natural habitat and then walk away unruffled while our nerves were all over the place. We can't plan that, the universe conspired to bestow us with the sight of our lifetime. The place was just a stone's throw away from the exact place our vehicle got stuck the previous evening and that made the experience even more chilling, momentous and indelible. It was day-2 and it was already worth our travel all the way. 

But there was another moment we almost died. The penultimate day of our holiday. We wanted to end the vacation with the views of Mount Kilimanjaro, the tallest free standing mountain in the world. The view of the snow clad summit and the breathtaking golden sunset were so mesmerizing that we forgot we were in the middle of the animal kingdom where predators begin their hunt at twilight. It was almost 7 pm, the sun sank and we boarded our cruiser bidding bye to the adventures and reminiscing the bliss we experienced in the last 10 days.

Just then the driver stopped the vehicle, lifted the latch up and asked us to see something. We saw and we could not utter a word. We were flabbergasted and dumbfounded. There was a coalition of half a dozen cheetahs standing next to your vehicle that were anxiously looking for their next meal. Exactly 5 minutes away from the place we were on the ground for pictures with Kilimanjaro. 

The cheetahs were clearly outside of the designated "fence" and sneaked out in the so-called resort areas for food. But that was not all. A hyena was lurking not too far behind and was following the scent of Cheetahs. There must have been a fantastic action episode which of course we were not privy to. Our takeaway is that we left the place unscathed. For feeble minded, it could be a life-threatening incident but we list this among one of the best travel stories of our lifetime.

It was not just wildlife which made the adventure worthwhile. It's the people too. The Maasai tribes live in the middle of the savannahs with children and cattle co-existing with lions, leopards, cheetahs. For us, traveling is learning, understanding people, cultures and lifestyles. For all the fear of predators, we learnt that Maasai people are not scared of lions but they scare the lions instead. The tribesmen have created a aura by wearing the red garment called "shuka" and holding a spear that apparently scare lions away.

While the mornings were about pursuing wildlife, most evenings and travel time were spent on talking to locals, drivers, waiters, helpers, escort guards who took pride in their own small world while being exceptionally humble and respectful. Without batting an eyelid, we can say the people of Kenya & Tanzania are one of the sweetest, most well-mannered and nicest people on the planet. We were pleasantly surprised at the antithesis to the stigma and stereotypes associated with Sub-Saharan Africa. Hotels and resorts went an extra mile to pack us lunch boxes whenever we headed out for game reserves. Public toilets were spotlessly clean, the food was amazing throughout. From immigration officers at the border to the hotel staff, to restaurant managers to good Samaritans on the savannahs of Africa, everyone made us feel special with their hospitality.

We traveled there for wildlife and to begin a new dominion in our travel history but something else made the trip one of our best travel escapades ever. That is the landscape, the breathtaking scenery, unsullied nature, unpolluted air and surprisingly pleasant weather. 

Imagine you driving up a volcanic mountain, that erupted some 2 million years ago, to see a 2000 feet deep crater filled with wildlife and you descending into the crater to see turquoise colored lakes filled with flamingoes, and the summit of the crater around being covered by cloud forests - you can seldom fathom if you were dreaming or witnessing the drama of pristine nature. In a certain perspective, Tanzania could rank as one of the most visually aesthetic countries I have visited.

Rural Kenya with ubiquitous handwritten names on the stores, local cuisine that was finger licking delicious, Tanzania's spectacular views, Maasai Mara tribesmen and their hospitality and above all - the lion king and his kingdom will remain one of the best places we ever been to, period.

PS: The travel to Africa was followed by a month in India which fascinated me in a different way this time around. Then a 10 day exploration of Thailand and Cambodia followed. Coming up with those blog posts soon (before the memories could fade out of my mind). Till then, as they say in Swahili - Hakuna Matata.

Travel Diaries 9: Morocco - A trip to reminisce about

I often use the hashtag #TravelerNotTourist and someone asked why I detested being called a tourist. Travelling is a hobby and a lifestyle I acquired very late in my life (after my kids were born) and I associate a certain sanctity and purpose over just clicking pictures at popular attractions. Yes, I do that too but the major purpose of traveling for me is to discover myself through the lens of milieus, canvases, cultures I put myself into time and again; and to ensure my kids learn nuances of life, facing situations, appreciating the diversity and harmony of various lives across the planet. Travelling for me is enriching our souls, broadening our mindframes and adding a layer to our character and attitude with a tinge of self-discovery.

Our current travel escapade was to discover Morocco, the best kept secret of North Africa. Since my little girl fantasizes over Paris, we made it a 2 day pit stop enroute Morocco. We had been to Paris some 11 years ago as a part of a 20 day trip to Western Europe and at that time were left a bit disappointed thanks to the hoopla and hullabaloo over the supposedly city of love. 

A lot of water has flown  under the bridge in the last 11 years and we visited many more places to actually feel quite underwhelmed with Paris this time. In my humble opinion Paris (and London too) rank the least among the type of cities they're actually known for. Architecture, heritage, lifestyle, cuisine or even for photogenic spots or monuments, almost every other historic city of Europe fare better. Edinburgh, Vienna, Prague, Budapest, Amsterdam, Rome - all are picturesque and soul fulfilling over Paris. However this post is not to diss French folks...after all they were credited to add passion to love (and lust) -  French kissing, anyone ? So, let's cut them some slack.

Morocco had been in our bucket list since long. We missed it in our itinerary of Spain and Portugal considering the geographic proximity but we were destined to make it our standalone destination and are we satisfied ? No, we were surprised, enchanted and mesmerized. At some point, I wondered if this could rank the best among all the places we visited, but it still falls in the top 5. 

While European expeditions have more been around Gothic, Victorian, Viking style palaces, squares and legacy, Scandinavia (and Switzerland) is more about scenic beauty, Caribbean about leisure vacations, South America about discovering the uncharted and alien world, but the part of world which charmed me in a whole different way is Arab and Muslim world (and no, I'm not talking about Dubai or Doha...puh-lease !)

2 years back when we visited Iraq, Palestine and Jordan - (none of those were typical tourist destinations), I was catapulted into a realm that's unknown to the consumers of CNN, BBC, CBC kind of propaganda. Even today, Canada government advisories strictly recommend against visiting any Arab or Middle Eastern country but I am the last to follow such 'advices'. Similarly Morocco with it's intermittent jihadist moments (and movements) and it's history with 'Arab Spring', has not been the safest of places but meh as I have my own local reliable sources for research about safety and security.

The first hour of our landing in Morocco welcomed us with the protests in solidarity with Palestine issue. My major high point in any travel is about discussing (and discoursing) with local populace to know how different they think from the mainstream media fodder. So naturally I spoke to a handful of local Arabs about their stance on the Palestine resistance and as expected everyone wanted Palestine to be a free country but all of them in the same breath mentioned they don't care about inflictions of Palestinians much as they also want to be in good terms with Israel as well. They unequivocally denied if they support giving refuge to Palestinians into their country. The pattern was same in Jordan, UAE, Egypt too. All of them believe in Muslim brotherhood but the protests are majorly symbolic.

Moving over politics, there was a diagonal split in urban youth and older rural demographics of Morocco in terms of lifestyle. All older women and rural women invariably sported burqa or hijab whereas modern girls made a clear statement with their shorts, tanks, one piece frocks in a 99% Muslim majority monarchy, and the moral police didn't have any bearing on their lifestyle and that's something Indian societies can take a leaf out of. 

Tattoos are forbidden in Islam but there are established tattoo studios with multiple reviews. Mrs decided to make herself a memory out of a tattoo in such place. Music, alcohol, dating scene were ubiquitous in a country where premarital sex among locals is illegal (whatever that means).

One novel experience for me in Morocco is it's an erstwhile French colony and while Arabic is a defacto first language for everyone, French is omnipresent in signboards, official parlance, government gazettes etc. It's like English in India but has far etched presence even in rural or tribal pockets. Since most countries we visited were non-anglophone, we thought Morocco also would be a piece of cake for us but all locals were surprised we knew neither French nor Arabic. Some even pitied upon our travesty.

Morocco also presented another distinct trait that it's a blend of Arab culture (owing to it being a Muslim theocracy), French and European tint (thanks to colonialization by French and shared history with Spain) and African way of life (due to it's Saharan climate and immigration enmasse from southern African nations). I believe Morocco is the only country in the world that mixed Arab-European-African way of life seamlessly.

By now, you might have understood why I don't call myself a tourist as I haven't spoken about the places or attractions despite 7 long paragraphs about the milieu and culture but that doesn't take the scenic beauty away from the country. I'm always delighted and mesmerized with narrow cobbled streets which were there in abundance in old towns of Marrakech, Fes and Chefchaouen, the latter being the entangelment of narrow alleys on mountainous terrain to which blue washed house, roads and every other sight only adds a surreal aura and it not being flocked by too many tourists (like in Santorini) makes it even more special. The entire small mountainous blue town was left to us and every local person was our photographer and instagrammer. They, like any other Moroccons have taken hospitality to another notch.

Talking about Fes, which sports the oldest continuous university of the world and is replete with madarsas, hammams and is one of the largest old towns in the Muslim world was my dream. Reaching the destination in the town of over 1000 GPS defying narrow streets all leading to nowhere requires a problem-solving and analytical acumen. And most streets look dilapidated with 1200 years old buildings but surprisingly strong enough to bolster modern 5 star hotels in their womb too. We faced a very heartwarming peculiar incident there which I'll explain in post script of this article. 

But another memorable (lowkey nauseating) experience was traversing through slaughterhouses to surface in a millennium old tannery where we witnessed live leather tanning from goat and lamb skin. These are the experiences my kids will remember forever that they would never ever learn among the four walls of their classrooms.

A reluctant addition in our itinerary was Rabat, the political capital which we presumed to be boring but the city flung us into surprise by its world standard roads on one hand but some mind numbing history of unfinished mosques, a walled white-washed city but something I took away from the city was the sight of a river confluencing into an ocean....

I'm particularly enchanted with rivers and it's majestic flowing waters among rocks and rapids but this is the very first time I have seen the river entering the sea. While I'm farfetched from being poetic by any standards, the climax of the river into a sea, influx of each others' energies, exchange of fluids and the imminent culmination was a beautiful metaphor for a passionate love story. You got it, if you got it.

Casablanca which once was only familiar as a classic blockbuster is actually a port city in Morocco, the movie was set in. A grand mosque completely built on Atlantic ocean was inimitable and peaceful. The neighboring beach was our second rendezvous with eastern Atlantic and the beach was vibrant with every other kid sporting Hakimi's jerseys..(yeah who Messi, Ronaldo or MBappe ?) After streets of Brazil and Argentina, we saw such football fervor in Morocco no place is devoid of a rolling soccer ball. 

The most striking experience of Casablanca is visiting a ghetto called 'Cuba' named after the Caribbean country after it's abject poverty. The slums, houses were wrecked and archaic that reminded us a bit of favelas of Rio-De-Janeiro.

The grand finale of the trip had to be a spoilt exotic place and we were conscious not to go to any place similar to Wadi Rum sand desert in Jordan or dunes of Dubai, Hence it's the turn of a rocky Agafay desert which reminded us of 'Breaking Bad' and the deserts of Arizona and New Mexico. Shame on us, but it's our first ever stay in a tent camp amidst vast wilderness, camels and never before sunset and sunrise experiences.

The trip to Morocco felt more consummate because we travelled across all terrains like cobbled historic old towns, mountains, beach, desert, urban areas and experienced Sunni Salafi culture smoothly blending with modern and ambitious youth and I must say the monarchy is balancing everything pretty well. Now that we are fresh from these memories, my insta feed will be filled with more stories and I hope travel freaks will rejoice the deluge while others might contemplate unfollowing or blocking me, but no stopping my juggernaut. 

I would end this note with one very peculiar experience related to food. The national food (presumably) is Tajine which is a soup with either veggies, chicken, lamb or beef and this is the only dish available in every restaurant and they all present a menu card with the exact same four dishes and we took the same 2 dishes for lunch and dinner throughout the stay. Not complaining but the entire country lives only on one dish and I thought I was passionate about Biryani. I give up.

Having said that, if you are an ardent traveler, Morocco must be in your travel bucket list regardless of you being into landscapes, culture, history, architecture, beaches because the country offers you everything superlative. But it just falls short of Jordan.

PS: In Fes, when we were meandering through the maze of old streets on the eve of Eid-ul-Adha (Bakrid), a gentleman named Abdullah accosted to greet us and tell us how much he loved India, Indian movies and after some small talk also invited us to his home. Since interacting with locals is our way of traveling, we accepted the invite and visited his 1200 years old home nestled tightly among thousands of similar houses. His shy wife offered us some soft drink and the lamb (due for sacrifice next day) was watching us agape. He took us to his terrace which offered an unprecedented view of tightly knitted terraces across the town with sunset as a backdrop. He claimed to be polyglot of 5 languages and a teacher of Islamic studies to foreigners in the neighboring maars. Such interactions and experiences are why I live for. Traveling is living.

OK to be Hated

Right wing ideologists and religious people hate me because I do not subscribe to their idea of God, rituals, holy books and way of life. They call me names for putting my bucks on laws of astrophysics and theory of evolution over theory of creation they try to rub upon me. 

Left wingers hate me because I do not align my views with their woke agenda, double standards and hypocrisy of targeting only a certain way of life and wavering between atheism and selective religious apologism at will. 

I support caste based reservations, eat non-vegetarian food, do not practice caste based lifestyle and hence scholars of my own caste disowned me.

Just because I was born in a so called privileged caste but don't feel ashamed of it, activists from 'so called' underprivileged castes hate me. The fact I call for reforms in caste reservations pisses them more.

Feminists hate me because I am not ashamed of my masculinity and don't stand by their idea of male bashing, bra burning 'all men are trash' vitriol but I stand by my idea of egalitarianism advocating equal rights for every person regardless of their gender. 

Male chauvinists hate me because I diss patriarchy, gender discrimination and write articles calling out "The Great Indian Son In Law syndrome", So radicals of both genders hate me equally.

Conversative societies hate me when I support women's rights to abortions, consensual pre-marital sex, right to their clothing, lifestyle while liberals hate me for saying out that men and women are different biologically and anthropologically and hence aren't similar in thoughts or behavior.

Conservatives usually call their opponents immoral, liberals call their opponents regressive and illogical. And both left and right wingers call me immoral, regressive and an extremist and I can live with that.

Communists hate me because I thrive on, support and advocate capitalism and I am changing my own small world around me with the perks I am reaping out of capitalism. 

But corporate capitalists don't consider me in their league because I don't follow the societal guidelines and lifestyle norms they prescribe for. I broke corporate norms in every business I ever took up.

I think and plan in English, so my desi friends call me an elitist show off. My angrez friends look at me condescendingly when I prefer my vernacular movies, music, lifestyle over English.

BUT DO I CARE ? 

Not even worth a grain of sand.

BUT AM I CONTRADICTING MYSELF ?

Not at all. 

Since the time I could remember, I never got pigeon-holed into any set of pre-determined ideology which suited others. I do not have a distinct set of favorites (actors, sportspersons, politicians or ideologues) whom I wanted to defend to my death because I am not and do not intend to be a part of any herd.

Had I been asked about my opinion on God, it changed through years based on my readings, literature, interactions with the intelligentsia and my judgement of agenda driven vested interests. 

So if I debated against followers of right wing and left wing ideologies I would counterbalance both without leaning either left or right because I agree and disagree with both schools of thought to some degree that resulted in my own ideology.

For most of my adult life, I did not have a best friend or group of friends I could hung out with and had a lot of time for myself and my literature that actually was a blessing in disguise as I took up to reading almost everything voraciously. I stumbled upon Vedas to the Old and New Testaments of Bible to Geopolitics to Clinical Psychology to Astrophysics to Mediaeval History to Current Affairs to Etymology to Business Management to Entrepreneurship which made me jack of all trades that in turn shaped up a thought process that does not align to only one particular strata.

AM I ONLY HATED ?

Fortunately no. While I have strong opinions on most topics, I do not go out of my way to show people I think different from them. I participate in all social rituals, ways of life even if I do not believe in, because bonding with people I like has always been more important to me than to argue or offend them over belief systems. 

Many of my friends who indulge in intelligent or fact based debates with me are well-informed and mature enough to agree to disagree and still lead a civil, courteous and mutually respectful relationship as we all believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. 

The hate I receive would usually be from kaun kiska gottam types who I do not even bother acknowledging the very existence of and hence that never mattered too. There are very few acquaintances who judged and ostracized me for my beliefs and I was better off without them anyway.

I want to lead my kids with an example that we should love people, be loved and yet do not have to succumb to any systematically programmed thought process if we do not feel completely aligned to. Every person is different and deserves to have their own their way of life without being funneled into a cabin designed by the society. 

I do not fit into any dogma or doctrine but I will respect you for your opinions. But if I am hated for my way of life, so be it. I am OK TO BE HATED.

Hindi Diwas X Hindi Imposition

Yesterday happened to be 'Hindi Diwas' and as expected there was some cacophony about Hindi imposition especially in some pockets of southern states. Being a Hyderabadi is being in a state of perpetual dichotomy as all through my life, I've been exposed to Hindi literature, movies, music et.al on one hand and equally acquainted with anti-Hindi sentiment and #StopHindiImposition movement which I believed was more of a brouhaha, much to the chagrin of my fellow south Indians.

We all love our own language and hate if others impose an alien language on us by force and it's quite natural but is Hindi really a native tongue of majority of North Indians who want to impose it on us Southies?

When PM Modi (or many of his predecessors) addresses the nation on Aug 15th or at international fora in Hindi, do we ever wonder that his first language was Gujarati but he put forth Hindi as a unifying language to represent the indigeneity. Mumbai being a Bollywood hub and a commercial focal point promoted Hindi more than any other city still retaining their Marathi ethos. Just that they did not cry foul about Hindi imposition. 

If you need more data, Biharis speak Bhojpuri, Himachals speak Pahari. Punjabi, Kashmiri, are languages of North Indian states. Awadhi, Marwari, Haryanvi are distinct dialects of Hindi spoken in regions of North India, North Eastern states have their own languages and hence...

Hindi, as we know, is not a universally spoken first language of all North Indians. But they all have risen over their egos and accepted Hindi as the common bridge for communication because 57% of Indians speak and understand the language. The basis of civilization is when two people do not speak the same language, one of them adapt the language with wider comprehensibility or both accept a more commonly spoken language. 

Now let us talk about the elephant in the room. Why Hindi and why not make Telugu, Tamil, Malayalam or Kannada a unifying language for the whole country ? As mentioned earlier Hindi is officially understood by 57% of the country's population and the number could be more as many might have denied their intelligibility despite their familiarity. Guess what % of Indians speak Telugu ? barely 8%, Tamil - 6.5% or Kannada or Malayalam less than 5%.

There could be a possible counter argument that number of speakers should not be a parameter to decide that. Touché. If number of speakers should not be a parameter, can Karnataka drop Kannada as the sole official language as there are pockets that exclusively speak Tulu or Konkani ? If Hindi is being imposed on South India, isn't Kannada being imposed on whole of Karnataka ?

Kannada is still an official language as per the constitution along with other languages but Telugu is still not an official language in Tamil Nadu despite spoken by 6% of state population (similar to percentage of Tamil speakers in whole of India) ? Lambadi spoken by 6% of Telangana, Urdu by 6% in Andhra Pradesh but still not official languages. So who is crying wolf here ? 

All states have declared their dominant majoritarian language as the first language in their respective states but with 57% of speakers, Hindi is still not the national language but only one of the official languages like all our beloved regional languages and we still crib about somebody imposing Hindi on us. 

South Indians instead preferred English as the bridge language which is hardly spoken by 10% of the country and is a first language of under 0.02 % of Indians. We chose to adapt and adopt a foreign language introduced by the guys who killed 100 million Indians (including south Indians) just to camouflage our linguistic chauvinism coupled by jealousy over a much widely spoken indigenous language.

I have nothing against English. I think in English and it is my lifeline. I love and am proud of being a Telugu and am a perennial student of the linguistics of both Telugu and English but I do not feel insecure or threatened by Hindi. 

If we were asked to respect a national emblem or a tricolor, that doesn't mean we are being subjected to some imposition because we are equally free to celebrate our regional quintessence too. If we were asked to recite 'Jana Gana Mana', a Bengali anthem, that doesn't make 'Maa Telugu Talliki' any inferior. 

Addition of Hindi to already existing vernacular language in signposts or literature isn't tantamount to imposition, it's only facilitation. Embrace if you can, ignore if you can't because nobody is replacing your language with Hindi. 

 

Open letter to my Kids - 2

Dear Bachchoos,

Last time I wrote an open letter to you was over 4 years ago (Link Here) when I wanted to tell you a lot but knew you were too young to understand any. Hope you read through these open letters when you grow older. 

Today I want to tell you about the biggest paradox of life. In your 20's you will have energy and time but will be short of money. When you get to 40's, you may have money and a bit of energy but won't have time and when you get to 60's, you will have money and time but not the energy. 

The entire world is functioning on this paradox and the shocking fact is everyone believes this is normal. I have been trying to break this mould and I want you both to push the envelope further because we don't want to repent on our death beds.

There is no single formula to break the mould but can be achieved by a lifestyle based on some set of values and facts I want to share with you today:

1. Respect people

You would meet many people at every juncture of your life. Tring to create a positive impact on as many people as possible should be your way of life because if someone associates you with some positive experience, they will remember you for life. Do not build good relationships just as some business investment but be genuinely interested in people. Respect them, like them and tell them how important have they been in your journey. Creating and developing positive relations is a superpower. Trust me, that took me to places.

Yes, you would also face many negative, thankless people who take your respect for granted but they will be far outnumbered by good people. Afterall the world is a beautiful place.

2. Don't be arrogant

Pop culture has somehow turned arrogance into an attractive trait but there's a huge problem with that. Arrogance means confidence beyond one's abilities. If you throw around your weight without backing up with capabilities and skills, you would be loathed and things would turn downside at some point.

But how about building skills and yet keeping yourself grounded ? Isn't that more attractive.

Also there is a difference between being bold and reckless. There is a difference between being straightforward and harsh. A subtle thin line you need to know how to tread on.

3. Tackle Low Self Esteem

Lot of people lead a luxurious lifestyle disproportionate to their paychecks. They want to buy entry level cars of some luxury brand because they want to flaunt the brand, they buy expensive handbags which would be more worth than the cash or debit cards within. Such people want to show they are rich because they want to impress and seek validation from others. This is a low self esteem issue.

Never ever do anything to attract, impress others especially when you do not have the means. A simple rule is that you should never buy anything you can't afford to buy twice. Being rich is important, looking rich is not.

Another classic case of low esteem is taking extreme pride in their religion, caste, favorite actor and some group identity. If someone identifies themselves more with the group than their own abilities, they lack self esteem. You do not have to be ashamed or defensive about your roots or your favorites but make it clear that your future self is your favorite and you are your number one hero. There is nothing to take pride in someone else's achievements just because they belong to your demographic set. 

4. Help Others

Try helping others within your means without any expectations or virtue signaling and see the reaction in their eyes. That's precious. Simple biochemistry says that when you make others happy, you generate oxytocin and dopamine which are the hormones related to love and pleasure. These will generate positivity within that could do wonders in your thought process and confidence. So help others for yourself and not for them.

But the worst thing you can do is to expect them to acknowledge your help or return the favor. 

5. Controlled aggression

Aggression is important but that should be within you not to be shown around. Your aggression should be channelized into something worthwhile. If you have anger or aggression within, begin a new task and prove it to yourself.

There's a funda that your life will be good if you start something new every month. Again that's possible only if you are surrounded by correct set of people.

6. Don't be busy

Many people earn money but they trade their time instead and when they look back, all they find is their hard work and bills they paid. Life is a sumtotal of experiences and money should only be a catalyst not the destination. Money is of course important but if you miss all the fun in your pursuit of money, it's not worth it.

So how to earn money without being busy ? By being efficient

7. Be efficient, not perfect

Perfectionists would never be happy and there is no end to perfection. If you need 10 hours to do a perfect job to earn $10 and if you need 2 hours to do a mediocre job to earn $5, which would you pick ? You would be a fool if you picked the first option. Invest minimum effort and time to generate as much as you can and use the saved time in some other initiative. 

There is one more secret many won't tell you: You will attain perfection by repeatedly doing the same mediocre thing again and again. So don't wait for perfection to begin anything.

8. High pressure mindset

Some people find my working on multiple projects surprising. But there's a secret to that. They see me working on 5 projects but actually I would have initiated 25 projects and end up with 5. Human mind is an amazing machine and if you subject it to high pressure environment and make it work on multitasking, it gets sharper and shrewder. It's very similar to the muscles that grow upon subjecting to exponential overload.

So get out of your comfort zone and take up multiple tasks. Even if you do your 9-5 job, your mind and body can still accept lot more pressure, just that you need to surround with right kind of people.

9. Be communicative

If you ask me one skill that changed my life upside down, that's communication. Not that I am exceptionally communicative, but I can manage to explain my thoughts lucidly to my listeners and this helped me in both personal and professional lives. And no this is not something I was blessed with naturally. I slogged for it.

There were days when I dreaded seminars and public speaking but it took me years of writing, reading, listening, building vocabulary that started reaping rewards now. You would be doing a great disservice to yourself if you believe things will fall in place for you. You need to work for it and communication skills will take you a very very long way. So buckle up.

10. Letting go

Life is a series of battles. You will win some battles and will lose some. You will lose loved ones too at some point. Sometimes letting go is as important as holding back. 

There is a 2 year rule that says if a loss does not bother you anymore after 2 years, it's not worth clinging to. The only thing that will affect you beyond 2 years is your health, money and family. Everything else will have an expiry day. Brace up.

More gyaan in the next letter. Hope it doesn't take another 4 years.

Love

My life in 20's, 30's and Now 40's

I'm in my 40's now and looking back life had been a rollercoaster ride and I'm sure next few years is going to be a wilder ride. But this silent morning, I was ruminating on how my attitude and way I think changed over years from my 20's to 30's and now 40's. 

I laugh at my own younger self (of around early 20's) when I used to sneer and dismiss people in 40's as outdated oldies with paunch bellies, bald heads, always gloomy and lifeless. I'm sure other 20 year old kids must be talking about me the same way now and that's part of life. 

I thought I would jolt down how I changed through years to be what I am today

20- 25: Immaturity & Indiscipline

Like anybody else, this was a transition phase from education to work, basking in newfound freedom, female attention and attraction, new earnings but still uncertain about future, unstable in behavior, wild and raw testosterone running the life. 

I was too immature not to uphold human relationships. I never had a heart-break but lost many friends because I took people for granted. I was ambitious but was also too lazy and clueless to pursue the dreams. I thought world was unfair to my talent without introspecting what value did I add to the society around me. I had dreams to make it big but lacked the drive, detailed plans, execution, consistency and discipline required to make it big. 

When I see other 20 year old's now, I so wish to tell them how underrated but essential are discipline and consistency but I refrain myself from preaching because I hated when someone sermonized me when I was young. 

25-30: Stability & Learning

For me, this phase marked my marriage, immigration to a foreign land, purchasing the first house and many more firsts. 

After recently getting married, I was in my own blissful world but I was surrounded by relatively more stable, richer, wiser people who had some mission, execution plan and some infectious discipline. They knew how to raise families, had connections and suddenly I feared I was missing out on something as I was nothing like them. And I had a wife who trusted me and we had dreams about our future kids. 

I understood that my dreams and aspirations were too bookish and theoretical to pursue and no point wasting time on that. Rather I identified what I was good at and started building brick by brick, wall by wall. Long things short, things started falling in place when I put relentless efforts in planning, working, failing, rising and soaking myself in the opportunities spending 18 hours a day for months together.

This is an essential phase of everyone's life as their entire lifetime of success or failure depends on how they transition from youth to adulthood.

30-35: Arrogance & Conceit

Usually 30-35 is a nasty age for many as that phase marks a bit of success, bank balance; by then they would have seen a bit of a world, faced some situations, started living on their own terms and relatively wiser than kids of 20's. That situation brings a strange confidence and mild arrogance in most people. They feel they know how the world functions and they are invincible. And I was no exception.

By then I was relatively more successful than most others and naturally some appreciation came my way which I took to head and had delusions of grandeur. If I meet that version of myself now, I would hit the day lights out of him because those are the exact kind of people I dislike now.

Things slowly started spiraling downwards in terms of business. There was an uneasy consistency and lack of growth like earlier years. I would have continued living in denial if we did not have our baby girl's arrival then. Dad's instincts kicked in and I had to stop believing I was a superhero.

35-40: Reinvention & Reality Check

There was an imminent need to reinvent myself and I had to do what I did in my late 20's - surrounding myself with sharper brains with bigger ambitions. When I attempted GMAT, I had no hopes on Harvard or Stanford but my entrepreneurial experience came handy and I was accepted by both universities for different programs. I incidentally got accepted into PhD program too; suddenly I was surrounded by a different world now.

I met so many young guys who were 100 times more intelligent, sharper, sorted out than I was and I suddenly felt like a fish out of water. With some mediocre bank balance, I was so conceited while these kids were up to the change the world and not take themselves seriously at all. That was the hardest slap I deserved.

Those 3-4 years made me unlearn everything I knew, restructure my life and that's when I realized we could do more with our life and time. Automatically things started falling back in place when I learnt how to diversify my efforts into multiple streams and utilize my time more wisely. I transitioned to a phase when earning money did not matter more than creating value.

With this paradigm shift, things changed for me socially too. I did not put any efforts but people started liking me more and this time I was clear that I must not take them for granted or their appreciation too seriously. I could not afford to make the same mistake twice. When I reciprocated their love, life started becoming more beautiful and happier.

40 onwards: Liberation

Not that the number 40 turned my life upside down, but I saw myself gradually detaching myself from materialistic pleasures and enjoying more human interactions.

I slowly moved to the phase where I do not take myself very seriously. Today, my outward lifestyle might look a bit flashy but I don't take any pride in that. I do not take pride in earnings and businesses but take pride in a belief that even if everything goes away and I have to start from zero, I can rebuild everything. I have seen too many ups and downs to get bogged down by criticism and I don't crave appreciation or recognition anymore not because I lack motivation but because I have too many bucket list items to conquer. 

Today money and luxuries do not entice me much; Rich and famous people do not matter. Rather I'm impressed by polite people who have consistent drive, I'm impressed by people who inspire me to do more. I'm impressed by charming people with great vocabulary and clarity of thought. I love hanging out with kids of all age groups because they have fresher perspective of life. I started enjoying conversations and other simple pleasures of life. 

Just when I thought this attitude will mellow me down, it's working wonders. I realized that success and happiness is not all about ourselves but because of people around us who like working with us. The more I respected people, the more successful I became. Let me see how things unfold in the years to come.

The Bad Boy Complex

I posted some random story on Instagram where I mentioned I don't drink, smoke or gamble to which my friends were concerned of me not living to the fullest and few offered to introduce me to the 'correct' way of life if I party with them often :) Actually their gesture was very sweet and funny and few even reprimanded me for being so boring. 

To add to the above list, I do not play video games, don't utter expletives, don't usually lose temper or yell at anybody (except my mom and wife - who know how to put me back in my place), do not consume soft drinks, tea or coffee and recently decided to avoid desserts too. Not that doing any of these is wrong or not doing these would make one better or worse. 

Just saying, I am that quintessential 'boring' person, most people would bypass in social circles as I do not fit into that 'interesting' or 'attractive' definition by miles and I believe there are many who live such boring and regular lives who do not attract any eyeballs nor are they centers of attraction of any group. This thought triggered me to write this note about those archetypal 'bad boys' with certain aura who are always 'attractive', 'interesting' and 'charming' and how do they manage to do it.

Story Behind 'Bad Boy Complex':

Historically (~300,000 years earlier) when early humans lived in small groups; men used to hunt, gather and provide food for families. For such men who hunted for food among wild animals, they had to be predators themselves who were up for bloody fights, upmanship with a display of supreme machismo combined with confidence and dominance.

More confident and dominant the male was, the more successful he was for his family and hence well respected, liked by the community in general and females in the society in particular. Okay, I don't intend to deliver a lecture on anthropology here but the point is that people generally liked and subconsciously got attracted to confident males since time immemorial.

Times changed. Civilizations developed, mindsets transformed, paradigm shifted. With education and empathy, humans understood that men do not have to behave like lions anymore because success and providing to family is now more proportional to their knowledge and people management than brute physical prowess. Industrial revolution, feminism made sure that men gravitate towards feministic qualities like communication, art, music, politeness in demeanor while women drifted towards socially prominent careers. Did this change the mindset totally? Alas, no. Because most of these revolutions happened in the last 100-200 years and how deep is human behavior ? 300,000 years old and can't be shaken easily.

Hence, when a man appears confident, he is congenitally attractive to both sexes. Men like to emulate him and women develop crush on him because confidence in the man are reflective of his ability to fight, win, dominate in any imminent confrontation and that would stimulate our hunter-gatherer ancestors' instincts. That's one reason protagonist of any mainstream movie, book or other pieces of fiction are always almost portrayed as confident and self assured. 

But where did bad boys come into this equation ? That's a travesty that happened because humans started confusing between confident boys and bad boys because bad boys always (100% of the time) look confident. 

'Arjun Reddy' is such a blockbuster despite the troublesome protagonist because he was charming thanks to his 'bad boy' attitude. 'Satya', 'Gangs of Wasseypur', 'The Wolf of Wall Street', 'The Godfather', 'Goodfellas' - you name it. When heroes (or anti-heroes) are shown as bad guys, they appear charming, attractive and the movie sells because they were catering to our primal senses and not to our intelligence.

So why cannot nice guys too display confidence and be attractive ? That would not work because nice guys are of two types.

1. Those exceedingly responsible to the extent of being meek. They can seldom be attractive or successful.
2. Those who waver between responsibility and confidence and exhibit attitude based on situation. They can be successful but appear boring as they don't exude ruggedness or charm.

Because bad boys do not have a barrier of dichotomy, they can afford to always show confidence (née arrogance) regardless of their success quotient or emotional quotient. Bad boys lose temper easily, throw tantrums because they do not care about consequences. They do not try to appease anybody because they do not invest in human relationships. They abuse themselves and their kindred because they do not intend to be responsible for anybody including themselves. But those flaws would be immensely charming and entertaining to look at.

When teenage girls and young women stepping into their early puberty encounter such bad boys, they fall head over heels, thanks to their DNA, chromosomes and hormones. They sometimes fight their parents and world because the intellectual reasons look too prosaic when juxtaposed against the charm and enchantment radiated by the bad boy. If the boy turns out to be equally responsible and successful, the girl would hit a jackpot, otherwise things would soon turn sour and repulsive when she begins despising his day to day temperament and tantrum fits that cause chronic trauma.

But the surprising fact is many women accept and come to terms with irresponsible bad boys for life. If male chauvinism, patriarchy and misogyny are celebrated in Indian households today, it is because the women tolerate, venerate and idolize this particular fake machismo of their husband and pass his toxicity off as his virility and ability. This is an invisible pandemic that gripped Indian households for centuries and is not going away anytime sooner.

So turning the tables, what should nice guys and good boys do to be equally attractive as bad guys ?

My answer is: Nothing. Do not do anything to be attractive or to impress others. You do not have to turn bad to attract a few eyeballs. You should not try too hard to be a hero or a cynosure. It would look forced and repugnant.

But if you are too introverted, meek or forbearing (type 1 of nice guys mentioned above), you need to understand that men will be respected based on how much value they create for their family (or society). Forget about attracting others and work on yourself and yearn to be more valuable. A valuable and successful man who can be responsible to his family and community is way more attractive than all those charmers you felt intimidated with earlier. 

If you are already responsible and confident, (which majority of us family men are - type 2 of nice guys mentioned above), let us stand our ground and raise our sons not to turn bad and raise our daughters not to fall for irresponsible bad guys and inspire both sons and daughters to conquer over any vices that could control them and to help them develop emotional stability and good manners. Future is in our hands while the time will be the winnow that will separate insignificant chaff from the wheat.

Travel Diaries 8 - IRAQ Edition

When 'Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara' released in 2011, I experienced a moment of epiphany that no other piece of art could invoke in me. A mere thought of rediscovering ourselves through traveling escapades triggered some inexplicable euphoria. My wife and I realized traveling could be our true calling. By then we were married for 5 years and I was in early 30's but I don't remember us doing anything exciting as we were more into the grind of family, careers and eventually kids. Bunty arrived in May 2012. 

It was a night I remember where we both sat together to decide that we need to stop existing and begin living in it's full sense and since we shared common passions (traveling being one of them), we decided to turn the next chapter of our life when my boy was few months old. We started traveling and the rest is history.

We have been to quite a few countries, immersed ourselves into the nature, beaches, historic old towns, monuments, world wonders, interacted and immersed ourselves in many cultures across continents and we thought we had seen the world...until we were on to the recent expedition to Middle East. This is when something magical happened.

We traditionally try to visit some new place on my wife's birthday which coincides with new year's day and this time we wanted to go to some place which we did not even dream we could go sometime. The place that had been in the news for all the wrong reasons since my younger days - IRAQ. 

IRAQ

War-torn, under-developed, sectarian violence, fundamentalism, terrorism are few of the choicest epithets we hear about Iraq. Canadian government had issues a strict travel advisory against visiting Iraq. So did I commit any irresponsible misadventure taking my wife and young kids there ?

Iraq was on my radar for the last few years and I had been in touch with various travel agents, locals , news outlets and was waiting for the right time and opportunity. The biggest step I have taken was to think beyond what western propaganda news outlets and government agencies wanted me to believe. For those of you who follow geopolitics, these exact governments invaded Iraq on the pretext of saving the humanity from their weapons of mass destruction but when they did not find any, ended up looting their oil and resources, remember ?

But Iraq was on my mind for various other reasons. For those who do not know, Iraq (earlier called Mesopotamia) was the cradle of civilization where the concept of writing, mathematics, astrology etc took birth. That was exactly where humans started living in societies that gave way to cultures, religions, languages to explode. Such was the rich history, heritage of the place which was ransacked for religious and political megalomania. And no media outlet with vested interest could convince me otherwise.

Hence we traveled to I.R.A.Q.

Baghdad:

The moment we entered Iraqi airspace (from Jordan - another article, another time about Jordan), I pinched myself to check if it was real but I was also prepared for some culture shocks or jolts as Iraq is not known to be an overly traveler friendly country. And the first jolt was ready to occur in Baghdad airport where we had to search for an elusive 'on-arrival visa' counter which happened to be an unattended broken desk outside washrooms. We could see border control counter, baggage belts, exit, vehicles on the street and stores beyond the street all from the place we stood waiting for the visa-on-arrival officer. A gentleman finally arrived, took our passports and money and vanished somewhere. And he did not appear for a while. Nobody else to enquire too except a janitor cleaning the floor manually who only spoke Arabic.

That was a moment of doubt if I was being over-ambitious in visiting an hostile country known for xenophobia. What if somebody stole our passports ? Whoa. But thankfully the man returned with Iraqi visa stamps that we now cherish dearly as badges of honor. Once we passed the border control, my man whom I interacted with earlier arranged a driver who drove us to the hotel. Understandably he did not speak much of English and we indulged in a short dumb charades game. We wanted to see if there was some 'Welcome to Baghdad' kind of insignia or a board to take a picture but alas..I reminded myself that we were in a hostile and not so traveler friendly place. But I started observing something amusing.

The driver who dropped us, the concierge at the hotel, reception were all pleasantly surprised and low-key shocked to see a family of brown people (with small kids) as it was evident they haven't seen such sight as long as they could remember. Yes, we ruffled a few feathers here and there.

The hotel staff was very accommodating but the room was inhospitable in terms of odor and amenities. When we asked for a change, they obliged our request but again we realized that if we yearned comfort or luxury, we should have gone to a luxury all inclusive resort in the Caribbean. We clearly went to another world and kept the unprepared staff on their toes. May be we behaved a but like those conceited tourists from the western world who live in their bubble. But again, we reminded ourselves we wanted to be travelers and not tourists (big difference).

Next morning, my guy in Iraq arranged a 'guide' who met us with a warm smile and the first question he asked was 'what do you want to see ?'. I was taken a little aback as wasn't he supposed to tell us what he's gonna show ? But again he sheepishly said there was no such concept of tourist guides there and his priority was to keep us safe and secure than taking places. A touché moment, indeed.  I had an inkling about Baghdad and vicinity, thanks to my earlier research; so I listed him the places we wanted to see. He retorted there was nothing more in Baghdad than that list. I felt vindicated.

We try to augment our travel experiences by talking to locals about their land. They always feel proud and offer genuine information that we are otherwise privy to. The 'guide' revealed he actually was an interpreter to US army when they invaded Iraq and hence gave us a picture from both sides. First of our discussions was how much locals hate Americans (or Canadians) or anybody white. He said we should be glad being Indians with brown skin otherwise Canadian passports were always looked upon with suspicion.

While we drove through, I noticed that entire city was filled by billboards and posters (not of movie-stars or rockstars. Any form of entertainment is banned in Iraq). The posters belonged to martyrs of Shia militia, the extra judicial armies, the government too can't talk against. Detractors call them terrorists, but for Shia majority they were heroes. Do you know who are the parties that fight against those Shia militia ? Al-Qaeda and ISIS (drumroll). We drove and later walked through many places and streets that were destroyed by the conflict between ISIS, Shia militia and US army. The guide did not want to talk too much about Shia militia because the driver was a Shia (so was the guide himself..or over 60% of the Iraqi population too)

The first place he took us to was a memorial of the Iran-Iraq war of 1980's built by a certain Saddam Hussein (heard his name in news?). I had an iota of knowledge about that war but the discourse with the guide was rich. He was kind enough to discuss the prevalent Sunni Shia conflicts that escalated to political upmanship and eventually war between the countries. Then we had been to an abandoned Abbasid Palace which would have been celebrated by UNESCO and tourists had it been in any other country. When we went the whole palace was for ourselves. 

After the monuments and memorials, we wanted to feel true Iraqi streets. He took us across the river Tigris to Mutanabbi street, a famous pedestrian shopping. And something amazing happened there. Random people began stopping us to enquire if we liked Iraq and if we felt safe ? There were almost 15-20 such instances within a 2 kilometer radius. Seniors took selfies with us, asked us what we liked about Iraq and requested us to spread positive words about Iraq. That was heart-warming and gut wrenching at the same time.

We had been to many countries where we were treated as money making machines. Nobody volunteered to strike a conversation with us. It was always we trying to talk or understand their worlds. But Iraq was the first place where locals tried to interact, wanted to listen from us, some even invited to their place. Sweetness overloaded. At some other place, somebody asked our guide if my wife was a bollywood actor and when he said yes in jest, that was spread like a wildfire and throngs of people surrounded us but yet we felt absolutely safe and secure. The love just shows, huh. We clarified to them we were no celebs but they still could not get enough of us and I must admit, we loved the unexpected attention and love that came our way. 

Then we visited some shrines, mosques, streets and our day in Baghdad was memorable for a lifetime. But it was only a beginning of Iraq. My target destination i.e., the cradle of civilization was not Baghdad, it was Babylon.

Babylon:

Heard about 'Hanging Gardens of Babylon' ? For beginners, it's one of the ancient (original) seven wonders of the world. No other ancient wonder except the great pyramids exists anymore. But archeologists identified the exact location where the said gardens once existed. That was, of course, in Babylon, a 1.5 hour drive from Baghdad. So it's time for us to foray into the hinterland of Iraq beyond the urban sprawls of Baghdad.

The drive was quite an experience for us. Once past Baghdad suburbs, there was perceptible change in the people's clothing and behavior. There were check posts and army tanks every few meters and it was indistinguishable if the gunmen were army, private militia or common men. Our guide advised not to be conspicuous and hence we tried to blend it as much as we could but our glaringly western wear and physiognomy gave us away. Nothing dangerous though.

Finally we reached Babylon and I was jubilant to step on the erstwhile place of Sumerian and Babylon civilizations but our guide had a surprise addition to our itinerary: Saddam Hussein's palace overlooking Euphrates river on one side and Babylon ruins of the BC period on the other. The palace now is abandoned with graffiti all over but there is certain eerie discomfort and sad truth about that place.

Saddam Hussein wanted his name to be remembered in the annals of the history and hence did the unthinkable. He 'reconstructed' and renovated archeological ruins of Babylon by getting modern structures built on the original ruins including his ostentatious palace. How insane ! He had the delusion of grandiosity and wanted to be taken his name in the same breath of Hammurabi. Nevertheless, we walked the path that's now garnished with maze of walls. All we got to do was to place our hand on a wall where the hanging gardens once existed. 

But another surprise for us that was the exact place where Alexander the Great died after his renown expeditions. Yes, we stood on the exact spot where he died. That was a goosebumps moment.

Beyond Saddam's artificial structures, there were some actual ruins we got to see up-close but the sad part was that those treasured ruins which should have been cordoned off from vandals and trespassers was left open (except a restricted old thoroughfare). 

However for me, it was a surreal feeling to stand on a land where Hammurabi, Alexander and yeah Saddam Hussein stood once and at the place where civilizations started and thrived. I felt the history spoke up-close and personal with me. And I'm gonna cherish that feeling.

Karbala:

The third and final segment of Iraq had to be a place of significance to millions of people across the world, more specifically Shia Muslims. Look up 'Battle of Karbala' and you would be transported to a world of Islamic renaissance. To keep things simple, that was the place where Imam Husayn, grandson of Mohammed, was massacred by Yazid, the then ruler of mainstream Sunni Muslims. While Sunni-Shia rift began soon after Prophet Mohammed's death, the battle of Karbala amplified the schism which is felt even today. Muhurram is being observed even today to commemorate Imam Husayn's death. And there is no way we could miss visiting His shrine while in Iraq.

Karbala is more interior and orthodox in Islamic values and has an indistinguishable Iranian influence. Billboards were seen in both Arabic and Persian. Clothing wise too, there is a stronger Iranian version making it mandatory for women to wear abaya (full burqa). After my wife wore one, the senior ladies around took her under their wings and made sure not a strand of her hair was visible and some other lady wiped her make-up off. We had been to many mosques in different places (including Arab world) but the credos at Karbala appeared stringent. But when Rome, do as the Romans do and when in Karbala, do as the Shia Muslims do and say. Respecting their culture while at their place was non-negotiable for us.

The moment we entered the shrine complex, there were scores of dead bodies (Janazah) brought to the holy shrine for the funeral prayers. I underwent a kind of stupor seeing so many devout shia muslims in the state of absolute trance. There were tens of thousands in the complex and almost everyone were wailing out of grief or emotional outburst. I had been to many significant places of worship including Vatican, Jerusalem, Tirupati but what I saw in Karbala doesn't leave my eyes.

I checked with my guide if I being a non-Muslim was allowed to enter the shrine interiors and he responded that as long as I respected the culture and people around, I was allowed. And of-course why wouldn't I ? Since women enter through another gate, apparently wifey was enquired by a group of curious women if she was 'Hind' (meaning Indian) when they saw her toe-ring. But eventually they welcomed her in. Through the men's entrance, I finally stepped into the fourth most important shrine for Shias after Mecca, Medina and Jerusalem and the place where grandson of Prophet was buried. Never in my life did I imagine that could ever happen.

The interiors of Imam Husayn's shrine were dazzling with crystals with places to offer Namaaz for many thousands. There were times when millions gathered at the shrine. The ornate Islamic architecture and grandeur were at their full glory for me to daze in when I saw a place similar to Sanctum Santorum, the holiest of the holies - the room where the actual grave of Imam Husayn lied, thronged by people all around so they could touch the wall of the grave. I had my son with me and I asked if he wanted to touch it too with so many people around. The last thing I wanted was him to get injured in some stampede. But he was as enthusiastic as I was; we waited our turn patiently and could finally touch that holy ornate wall of the grave that millions of Muslims across the world only crave to do.

And that marked the end of our trip to Karbala, and Iraq. After years of online research, interacting with tens of travelers in various forums, talking to locals, putting the foot forward deciding to visit Iraq to eventually visiting the country, experiencing the culture, religion, history, ruins, people, their love, their food (including mandi) - everything still feels like a dream. 

Iraq is not just any country in my repertoire of travel stories, but a place that deeply affected me, taught me, pampered me and enriched me in more ways than I could imagine. I am glad that I took my kids to that country and more glad that I chose this to celebrate my wife's birthday-week.. Actually she has more stories about Iraq which she would open up at her leisure.

The middle east trip was the best trip we had been to in our lives and Iraq is an important cog in the wheel. But there was another country in our itinerary that I wanted to visit since my childhood for a stronger reason. We visited and left that country with more stories, experiences than I dreamt of. That was Israel (and Palestine), an active warzone. A follow-up article about Israel-Palestine coming shortly as part-2 of the middle east trilogy. Stay tuned.

Let me body shame you !

Now that I caught your attention with that offensive subject line, let me tell you this article is not about humiliating or poking fun of anybody's weight or appearance. Whatever I'm writing shall not be applicable to those suffering from any medical condition or those who are facing weight issues despite trying hard. I wish you the best in your journey and let's hope you progress well.

This is for all those 'woke' and 'body-positivity' clique who wear their obesity on their sleeve and believe that is normal, something to be proud of and to those who say they aren't ashamed of their over weight. And this is also for those naïve people who do not understand the gravity of what their bulging tummy can pose for them. 

For those who have seen me personally and felt I looked fit, actually my body fat percentage is close to 20%. Anybody with body-fat more than 25% are considered obese and I am not too far from that. So it goes without saying that if I do not care about my lifestyle and eating habits for sometime, I end up in obesity category and my risk of dying through heart diseases, cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure increases by 30% over other fit people. 

Time for you to retrospect if you fall over 25% body-fat and if yes that means your bulging tummy is a ticking time bomb and no body positivity would come to your rescue. By the way do you have a family to support and kids to raise ?

Everybody knows that the two major ways of cutting down body fat is by lifting weights and by reducing intake of bad foods (white salt, white sugar, white rice, white flour - all white witches). Should we avoid all these foods for good ? Our life is all about biryanis, sweets, deep-fried savories and hence we can't get rid of those completely. But the bigger question is...should we have all these thrice a day or even better question, should we have any food thrice a day, everyday ?

Did you wonder how to handle hunger because you feel hungry every few hours ? The joke is on you because hunger is a feeling triggered not by lack of food but by your brain which tricks you to eat. If you fast for long, brain would divert itself to tap your belly fat for energy but we usually don't let that happen and keep satisfying our hunger pangs.

I made a one hour video about bio-chemistry and what happens within the cells of your body when we eat and what happens when we do not eat. But my wife reprimanded from sharing that online as it was a bit too preachy and I gave up. 

Anyway, if you thought body fat only castes heart diseases, let me give you more possibly consequences: Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, blindness. Cancer is aggravated by presence of high body sugars. We wonder why our grandparents suffered from health related diseases as they grew old. Unfortunately, they were not told how to lead a healthy lifestyle as their entire diet was full of white witches.

But at least they had an active lifestyle. And lets compare theirs with our sedentary lifestyles sitting in front of computers for 8 hours, another 4 hours in front of TVs. We could die much earlier and I won't make it politically correct. Do you hear about those young men in 30's and 40's dying of cardiac arrests or are you in your own dangerous bubble ?

'Breakfast is the most important meal of the day' is the shit advertised by cereal companies. Do they care about your well-being ? Hahaha. To my surprise, doctors told my diabetic family members that they should not fast because the diabetic medicines would reduce body sugar levels and hence they should eat 'well' to increase their body sugars so that medicines can do their job. They do not want the sugar levels to be reduced naturally by fasting. 

If you lose your weight and get healthy, the corporates lose their money, healthcare industry crumbles, pharma companies lose and none of them encourage limited eating. We live in a world of consumerism and hence we need to back one another. Read about 'autophagy', 'ketones' and how prolonged fasting before lifting weights will make you stronger, sharper and how eating diminishes the results. But we were conventionally told that eating makes us stronger and healthier. Nothing can be a bigger scam. 

I personally follow 'one meal a day' on all weekdays and my detractors ask me if that's healthy and nutritious at all ? I am amused at that question because I do not understand if we need to eat thrice a day to get those milligrams of vitamins, minerals, carbs and protein our body needs (assuming they all eat only nutritious food every time). Won't I get that nutrition from one healthy lunch ? Weren't early humans made to hunt and eat once in two or three days ? Don't lions and tigers eat once in three days now ? None of the animal species eat thrice a day and humans are made the same way too. We just eat way more than what our bodies need and hence all the extra food would be stored as belly fat for future energy spending which we don't spend anyway. 

We just can't stop ourselves from eating 'tasty food' because we let our brain and hormones like dopamine control us. Not controlling intake of food is as addictive as smoking, drinking or doing drugs. More dangerous actually as we do it thrice a day.

Few people eat healthy and few others who can't control their mouth burn the calories in gym through weight training. If you don't do either or if you talk about body-positivity to hide your insecurities, let me touch your raw nerve by saying you lack discipline of controlled-eating, and you are lazy enough to hit the gym. 

If you are fat and if your clothes don't fit it, if you are not motivated to groom well, yet you lack self-discipline, you are a bad example and influence on your kids because they learn this very lazy lifestyle and habits from you. You are not only ruining your life but also people around you. And you don't need anybody else to body shame you, because you are your own enemy and you will see your life crumbling in front of your own eyes. I repeat - your fat body is a ticking timebomb and it will catch you up sooner or later. Deal with it.

Travel Diaries 7: British Isles & Central Europe - 2022

After consciously refraining myself from posting public blog posts for over 2 years, it feels a bit wistful penning down my thoughts again but I wanted to write this note before the post-vacation steam fizzes off. I needed such exciting context to write something without appearing redundant. 

2017 was memorable with our 7-continent Odyssey to commemorate our 10th anniversary but we had to remain travel-dormant for the next 5 years marked with our house construction commitments followed by a certain pandemic. Yes, there were a couple of all-inclusive resort or cruise trips in the grind but I don't qualify them as travel as they were more like indulgence without the perks of travel experiences.

For us, traveling had always been liberating that unshackled us from the mundane routine but this particular trip would remain etched into our minds and hearts forever for more reasons than one. Before talking about merits of the places, this trip was also different because we did not have strollers to push kids around and this was also the first major trip without diapers and the associated paraphernalia.

In my past blog article, I wrote how important it was for us to travel with kids as that always resulted in our spending undivided attention and forge stronger bond with them. This time it only grew tenfold stronger thanks to the kind of places we visited. As cliched as it might sound, we kind of rediscovered ourselves through the experiences we had in our 3 week whirlwind tour of 9 countries and 18 cities /towns of British Isles and Central Europe. Yes, you may say Whoa !

For those who care, here is the list of places we visited

1. London and vicinity in England (Oxford, Windsor, Stonehenge, Cotswold)
2. Edinburgh, Scotland
3. Glasgow, Scotland
4. Dublin, Ireland
5. Belfast, Northern Ireland
6. Prague, Czech Republic 
7. Zagreb, Croatia 
8. Ljubljana, Slovenia
9. Lake Bled, Slovenia
10. Budapest, Hungary
11. Bratislava, Slovakia
12. Krakow, Poland
13. Auschwitz, Poland 
14. Vienna, Austria

The experiences

Since we were fresh from Banff & Jasper trip at home, we were clear we did not want to visit another scenic canvas anymore because very few places are more beautiful than Banff (may be with an exception of towns and hamlets around Swiss and Austrian Alps). So this time, we were longing to be at historical places with 1000 year old cobbled old town squares, palaces and castles as I never get tired of such magnificence. But we were surprised in more ways than one.

England

Our first stop was London. We wanted to spend my mother's birthday in the megapolis. London tower bridge was mind-blowing as expected along with the Westminster, Buckingham patch. But the rest of the city fell a bit flat or may be I had unreal expectations. Or may be I developed a grudge because security guards denied our earnest plea to enter Buckingham palace when we were late to the entrance by 3 minutes, thanks to the indifferent hop on hop off bus dudes. I must say that was the low point of our tour. We went to London but did not see the Queen's palace. Alas.

Oxford university was awe-inspiring. The feeling that I was at the place I grew up learning about as one of the best places of education in the world was surreal. Despite being a Harvard alumnus, I was starstruck with the sight of Oxford and it's distinguished Bodleian Library. 

Change of guard ceremony at Windsor castle was fun for kids to watch. The march, costumes and ostentatiously upholding legacy of the monarchy was worth watching. Stonehenge was better than expected but Cotswold touted to be the most beautiful village of the country was a let-down at least for me. Perhaps, it takes more romanticism to appreciate the quaintness of the ville that's a cool 3 hours away from London.

Scotland

But the next destination was a super surprise that stumped us out of our ground. That's Edinburgh, Scotland. It was unbelievably breathtaking. A series of blackened spires of hundreds of buildings that are thousands of years old show mirror to some authentic and flamboyant Scottish history. At that point, I felt Edinburgh was the best place among all the places I had been to by then toppling Madrid, Barcelona, Queenstown, Lucerne from my list. The ubiquitous bagpiper aura of Edinburgh, with their traditional Scottish music (called Capercaillie) was soul stirring. All of us in our family felt, Royal Mile of the city was dreamlike. 

Glasgow while good at it's own right was more of a regular city without that small old town charm. Our Scotland experience was worthwhile.

Ireland

Next was Dublin, Ireland. While not quite an eye-candy kind of city, Dublin surprised me in some way. Every part of the city talked about its struggle with British and the omnipresent hatred towards their more flashy or powerful neighbor across the sea. Tour guides, cab drivers all talked about how their nation was oppressed by the British. It felt different listening to white guys being victims of colonialism and imperialism. Ireland was a kind of white man's India. But traditional Irish music was addictive to ears all through. I would see the shamrock and St. Patrick's celebration in a different way going forward. 

My parents ended their journey here with a week of historical indulgence. After seeing them off to a flight to Washington DC, our odyssey continued to the next city which again surprised us with it's mere existence. 

Northern Ireland

That's Belfast, Northern Ireland, the most politically charged and polarizing city I had ever been to. Past troubles between pro British Protestants and pro Ireland Catholics is still visible today with two flags staring at each other in neighborhoods. Some nationalist cab drivers said they were still a part of Ireland and some loyalist guides said they were strongly British. Touted to be the most violent city in Europe (or the world), the uneasiness was palpable. My kids and I having a long conversation about the historical context, IRA was my winning moment. They were interested in geopolitics and history. I was happy. Time to bid adieu to British Isles with that euphoria. And the next destination was...Prague, Czech Republic.

Czech Republic

During my school days, I read about a country called Czechoslovakia, thanks to Martina Navratilova. I knew the capital city was Prague but then it got buried in the annals of my memory until Ranbir Kapoor's Rockstar released. I was awestruck with the way they showcased Prague and Charles bridge that I wanted to visit the place someday. And I was not a bit disappointed. 

With compact old town, millennium old squares which screamed of history, the Vtlava river witnessing all the glory, Prague is straight out of postcard backdrop. I did not believe my senses for a while. But incessant crowds marred the otherwise ethereal experience. Any picture in Prague would look like a group picture with random strangers. Then is the turn to a place very few brown guys like me would usually destine to. Zagreb, Croatia.

Croatia

We were officially in the Balkans. Today, most people would know Croatia for their football team but my school day memory was to learn about a country called Yugoslavia (capital Belgrade) of Monica Seles, another superstar tennis player stabbed by Steffi Graf's maniac fan. Then the country was clearly in my memory of being disintegrating into several small countries in early 1990's. Croatia was one of them. Slovenia was another. Both countries happened to be in my itinerary now. It is like me revisiting my school time general knowledge lessons.

I did not find any brown guys in Zagreb except an Indian restaurant owner (by the way any corner of the world has an Indian restaurant where you’re greeted in Hindi). Zagreb was more of a transit city for us to begin a 5 country drive but the city pleasantly surprised us with its charm. It was more or less comparable to Prague sans publicity and crowds. Narrow alleys, makeshift restaurant filled cobbled streets reminded me of Rome. People were nice but they clearly haven't seen many Indian looking guys since long. It's evident in their stares.

Slovenia

Then we drove to a place we had no idea about. The capital city of Slovenia called Ljubljana. We had a mini crash course to learn pronouncing the name. The moment we crossed the border, we felt a perceivable difference in infrastructure and the mountainous scenery. Slovenia is surprisingly a super developed country amidst a plethora of medium economy Balkan states. But the biggest surprise is the highway system 'Autobahn', the name borrowed from Germany. The speed limit was advised to be 130 kmph with very few speed limit signage but nobody drives slower than 150 kmph. While I like to believe I am a fast driver (with record number of speeding tickets), I was a fish out of water among the formula one racer kind of drivers around. My fragile ego was hurt a bit but I did not afford to put my family in danger and hence relegated myself to a slower right lane with a mere 120 kmph.

Talking about Ljubljana, it’s majestic, breathtaking and felt it was Prague on steroids without crowds. We made it as a transient stop but wished we spent more time. But the next destination in Slovenia, Lake Bled was worth leaving Ljubljana. The lake with blue waters with castle amidst and alps surrounding it was purely a dream. It could not be real. While most time spent there went to take pictures and videos, the presence among Alps after a decade was refreshing and welcoming. 

Time to go back to Zagreb for a night because another day, another country was waiting. A 3 hour drive from Zagreb to Budapest, Hungary was due.

Hungary

At the outset, I felt Budapest was any other city like Prague, Zagreb or Ljubljana. Nothing came closer to Edinburgh till then though. But whoa ! Ask me the best city I had been to in my life so far, I would answer 'Budapest' in a heartbeat. 

While other cities were compact with a remarkable charm, Budapest was a megacity with the same charm or more. So there was a bigger canvas with more attractive skyline with spires across both sides of a wide and imposing river Danube, again a famous river I read in my social studies class during school days.

Another welcome change of Budapest was the ubiquitous presence of public thermal baths built a thousand years ago. Historical prominence, medicinal values, fun among hundreds of local Hungarians in scorching sun was the perfect pretext for all of us to have 3 hours of bliss. Streets, cathedrals, memorials, architecture, castles, river - everything was top notch enough to put the city on highest pedestal. Yes, Budapest is even better than Edinburgh. 

Slovakia

Then came a landmark day of our lives. The day that would not be rivalled ever after. We had been in 4 countries in one day. August 20th it was. 

Our car drive started from Budapest that morning enroute to a city called Bratislava, capital of Slovakia which is the another part of erstwhile Czechoslovakia. Bratislava reminded us of Ljubljana and Prague again with compact old towns and historical prominence but we will remember the city for something else. Lack of internet connectivity. 

Yes, the first place where mobile connectivity vanished which did not even happen in Amazon rainforest or relatively poor Peru. We connected to local wifi at a place to go to a distant historical place but getting back to the center was a herculean task ahead of us. Almost 10 stores and restaurants we pleaded for wifi, did not even bat an eyelid showing how cold anybody could be. We could have stayed back in some hotel had we not had a flight scheduled in 3 hours from neighboring country Austria to final destination in another neighboring country Poland.

With some good Samaritans directing us a walking way to the city center, we somehow panted, ran and found our car to cruise to Vienna Airport in Austria to catch our flight on time to reach Krakow, Poland by 6 pm. So technically Budapest (Hungary), Bratislava (Slovakia), Vienna (Austria) and Krakow (Poland) happened on one single day. But practically we saw only Bratislava that day.

Poland

I read somewhere that Polish people are cold and don't interact with strangers with no reason. Hence I was prepared for few uncomfortable moments. But Polish people happened to be the sweetest among many other nationalities I visited (on par with Jamaicans). Cab drivers and anybody else who I could strike a conversation with were extremely hospitable.

Krakow is the most touristy place in Poland even more than capital city Warsaw. That's because that's the only old city that was not harmed during world war 2. Polish culture, architecture and heritage were untouched for the last 1000 years or more. Again a small compact city, but there was some strange sort of comfort and 'apnaapan' in Krakow. I loved every moment I spent there. But there was also some strange anxiety looming in the city. Reason: influx of refugees from neighboring Ukraine.

Ukraine was in spirit across our trip because entire Europe was in solidarity with Ukraine and I could see derogatory slogans (in English, surprisingly) against Putin everywhere. Uber had options like Uber X, Uber XL and also Uber for Ukraine charging a few euros more so the proceedings go to war relief. Cab drivers we met were Ukrainians who had to forgo their houses and businesses back home to re-establish themselves in Poland or Hungary. 

If this wasn’t disturbing enough, something else was in store. Our day-tour to a neighboring city called Auschwitz. For beginners, it was a place where Adolf Hitler built concentration camps to prison over a million people and got them killed in gas chambers and extermination centers. The place was a dark testimony of how anybody could be inhumanly evil. Being a history connoisseur, I read about Hitler, World War, Holocaust from umpteen number of sources, but witnessing a place where millions of shoes and tonnes of human hair stored as exhibits was heart wrenching and stomach churning. One of the last places of the tour happened to be a grim, poignant and macabre sight but always left us realizing how fortunate we are to live a life on our own terms when millions were killed just because they were born in a certain religion or place. How devastating.

Austria

With a heavy heart, we left Poland to reach the final destination, Vienna, the city which has been on the top of all lists for best cities or most livable cities in the world. At first sight, Vienna was like any other city and we felt had we visited Vienna before visiting Budapest, Prague or Edinburgh we could have blown our minds. So it felt a bit underwhelming on day 1. That was because we had not seen the splendor yet.

The next day was our last day of the trip and hence wished we ended it on a high note so prayed hard that Vienna old town is worth it all. And we went there...and we had our mouths agape. The words magnificence, grandeur, flamboyance all suddenly felt very small. The old city was out of the world, the way we did not even dream about. We felt like being in a period film set, but that was real with horse buggies amidst imposing buildings, immaculate sculpture and breathtaking visuals. We literally had to remember to breathe.

Added to that, Vienna was a city synonymous to classical music scene. Mozart belonged there (yes, the same Mozart on whom AR Rahman is titled Mozart of Madras). If that was not enough Beethoven also lived there. For those of you who haven't heard their names, I'm sure you would have listened to their symphonies as door bell tunes, advertising jingles somewhere. Youtube "Turkish March' or 'Serenade No. 13' of Mozart or Beethoven's Für Elise or 5th symphony. We happened to be in the apartments where both these legendary artists once lived and roamed. Surreal-max. My boy is into music and piano renditions so we were glad we happened to be at Mecca of music. I'm sure he would appreciate this visit when he realizes how fortunate he was. My girl is into arts and hence we took her to an art museum to show Picasso's first hand work. Vienna is a heaven for connoisseurs of art, music, architecture, history or quality of life alike. The last day of the trip was memorable.

Conclusion

And thus, the final day of departure arrived. After 9 countries, 18 cities, 154 kilometers of walking (yes, including my kids), it was time to bid goodbye to Central Europe. As a tradition, we don't visit same place twice so our farewell to those cities was a bit overwhelming.

The tour costed us considerable money but I am not a bit repentant because we returned home with richer experiences. Being in the palaces, castles, houses, squares which witnessed history, aristocracy, art and music and then discussing and teaching kids about the history, answering their inquisitive questions, capturing lifetime of memories was worth it. 

Being in places where Mozart, Picasso, Beethoven, Kings, Queens, Commanders once walked, listening to Scottish, Irish music from the traditionalists, roaming in their streets, eating their kind of food is priceless. 

Listening to local people about how their lives changed after shedding communism / socialism post Cold War era, understanding their historical struggles, present day politics, prejudices was thought provoking.

Grandeur of Budapest, Vienna, Edinburgh, Prague, Zagreb, Ljubljana will be with us forever. 

Witnessing Hitler's gas chambers, Belfast troubles' era prisons, talking to Ukrainian refugees were disturbing but those sad experiences brought a new dimension into our personality as we have more gratitude for our current lives. 

We left a part of us in every place we visited and we gained a bit from those places. So much that every night’s dream since we returned featured some kind of tourist spot. And we are not complaining. Now looking forward for another trip to lesser traveled countries sometime this year end.

Country count so far: 

My boy and I - 43 countries 

Wifey - 45 countries 

My little girl - 29

Parents - 19 

As we always believe, to travel is to live.