Few days back we had a party with our close friends and family to celebrate our anniversary when I attempted to sing, play guitar and dance in a party though I'm extremely mediocre (to bad) at those fine arts. The main reason for my attempt was to surprise my wife but there was another reason which I haven't shared with any. Here I'm pouring my heart out about why was that important for me to perform before 170 people and publish it on Facebook where hundreds more could judge me.
I wanted to break the shackles of self-importance that clutched me, that compulsive need to appear good and correct at all times, I wanted to get rid of my fear of criticism or judgement by others. For once I wanted to be myself without getting hindered by how and what others thought of me if I fail...Eventually I failed in performing well but I won over my internal struggle with narcissism.
Thanks to my second season of academic experience in the last 2-3 years I have met over 500 people who were miles ahead of me in intelligence, success and talent in every way. They were enterprising, always thinking out of box, breaking cliched rules, working to set new paths throughout. But more fascinating was their attitude towards life and society. One common thread I witnessed among all those was the conspicuous lacking of an inflated sense of self importance or urge to look correct.
On the other hand I know scores of ordinary people considering themselves superstars with whatever mediocrity they achieved (or sometimes without any). I remember my uncle, a distant relative, who never worked in his life because he didn't like 'being managed by others'. Talk about self-respect and self-importance !
I just had to juxtapose these two sets of people of either ends of the spectrum to see where I wanted to be and I knew the answer.
Self-importance or ultra-egoism or in psychological terms called as 'narcissistic personality disorder' is a mental condition in which people have a deep need for admiration and extreme self respect. But behind that lies a low self esteem that even a slightest of criticism can hurt, they feel the need to defend against any criticism. Those suffering from this condition usually pollute their internal energies, strain relationships and hinder their own growth prospects
“Self-importance is man’s greatest enemy. What weakens him is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of his fellow men. Self-importance requires that one spend most of one’s life offended by something or someone.”~ Don Juan
Though it's a mental blockade, it has a very easy solution. And it is 'GETTING OUT OF THE COMFORT ZONE". If you ever feel shy, unduly self conscious, unnecessarily embarrassed or awkward about yourself, you must realize that your self-importance is at work. The mental block is not allowing you to try something new for the fear of failure and/or looking bad and your low self-esteem requires you to only look good before others. Dear friend, that is a perfect situation to REVOLT & REINVENT yourself. Just say 'hatt teri ki, jo hoga dekha jaayega' and make up your mind.
Nobody would hold you for your perceived failures forever. Nobody has time or patience to think about you as much as you do. Don't be a prisoner of your own ego. Let others judge, the same people will initially laugh at you, then mock at you, question you and will eventually follow you.
On the flip side, getting free of self-importance doesn't mean leading an ascetic or austere life. You must know how to celebrate life, dress well, travel, grow socially, occasionally collaborate, share your success stories to those who love you without seeking attention and admiration.
Stop loving yourself so much and start loving the world you are in. A lifetime is not sufficient to experience the world, cultures, arts, languages, places and people around you. Don't let yourself ruin it for you. Break the shackles.
PS: I admit my own Facebook updates are seemingly narcissistic though I always tried to use the medium only as a journal of my travel escapades, personal milestones and opinions in form of blog posts. However starting 2018, I'm considering curtailing of my Facebook activity and if possible deactivate the account too in order to walk the talk.
I wanted to break the shackles of self-importance that clutched me, that compulsive need to appear good and correct at all times, I wanted to get rid of my fear of criticism or judgement by others. For once I wanted to be myself without getting hindered by how and what others thought of me if I fail...Eventually I failed in performing well but I won over my internal struggle with narcissism.
Thanks to my second season of academic experience in the last 2-3 years I have met over 500 people who were miles ahead of me in intelligence, success and talent in every way. They were enterprising, always thinking out of box, breaking cliched rules, working to set new paths throughout. But more fascinating was their attitude towards life and society. One common thread I witnessed among all those was the conspicuous lacking of an inflated sense of self importance or urge to look correct.
On the other hand I know scores of ordinary people considering themselves superstars with whatever mediocrity they achieved (or sometimes without any). I remember my uncle, a distant relative, who never worked in his life because he didn't like 'being managed by others'. Talk about self-respect and self-importance !
I just had to juxtapose these two sets of people of either ends of the spectrum to see where I wanted to be and I knew the answer.
Self-importance or ultra-egoism or in psychological terms called as 'narcissistic personality disorder' is a mental condition in which people have a deep need for admiration and extreme self respect. But behind that lies a low self esteem that even a slightest of criticism can hurt, they feel the need to defend against any criticism. Those suffering from this condition usually pollute their internal energies, strain relationships and hinder their own growth prospects
“Self-importance is man’s greatest enemy. What weakens him is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of his fellow men. Self-importance requires that one spend most of one’s life offended by something or someone.”~ Don Juan
Though it's a mental blockade, it has a very easy solution. And it is 'GETTING OUT OF THE COMFORT ZONE". If you ever feel shy, unduly self conscious, unnecessarily embarrassed or awkward about yourself, you must realize that your self-importance is at work. The mental block is not allowing you to try something new for the fear of failure and/or looking bad and your low self-esteem requires you to only look good before others. Dear friend, that is a perfect situation to REVOLT & REINVENT yourself. Just say 'hatt teri ki, jo hoga dekha jaayega' and make up your mind.
Nobody would hold you for your perceived failures forever. Nobody has time or patience to think about you as much as you do. Don't be a prisoner of your own ego. Let others judge, the same people will initially laugh at you, then mock at you, question you and will eventually follow you.
On the flip side, getting free of self-importance doesn't mean leading an ascetic or austere life. You must know how to celebrate life, dress well, travel, grow socially, occasionally collaborate, share your success stories to those who love you without seeking attention and admiration.
Stop loving yourself so much and start loving the world you are in. A lifetime is not sufficient to experience the world, cultures, arts, languages, places and people around you. Don't let yourself ruin it for you. Break the shackles.
PS: I admit my own Facebook updates are seemingly narcissistic though I always tried to use the medium only as a journal of my travel escapades, personal milestones and opinions in form of blog posts. However starting 2018, I'm considering curtailing of my Facebook activity and if possible deactivate the account too in order to walk the talk.
3 comments:
Very realistic post... Stop self love and start loving ... Simply superb..
Start loving the world...
Great read!! But how can you love the world without loving yourself first huh?
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